How to cope with the feelings of sadness when struggling to conceive?
My wife and I have been trying to conceive for about a year. We thought it would be easy. Then I found out I have low sperm morphology. A fertility specialist checked us both and said my wife is fine and that I can go exercise and follow a specific diet to increase the chances. But the last two months I've struggled to get the days right.
When it's the day 8, 10 and 12, I can't finish. It's like a curse that keeps affecting me.
I just watched a movie tonight and at the end the couple talk about making a baby and that really upset me. I had to excuse myself to bathroom and felt like crying. I'm hurting a bit that we can't have a family yet. I really don't want to be forced to take the option of IVF. I'd love it if we could conceive naturally. And I think our lives would almost be complete if we have a baby and start a family soon.
Anyone else struggling to conceive that can share how they cope with the emotions?
- LizBLv 73 years agoFavorite Answer
I went through this for 9 months and an IUI before conceiving my son. I'm now 3 years and 3 rounds into IVF trying to have a second, and have just switched clinics because I was with my previous one for so long without success.
My advice is to seek the advice of an RE now. You've waited long enough. And while I totally get wishing you could conceive naturally and seeing fertility treatments as some kind of "failure," are you really any happier getting let down month after month? IVF is expensive and invasive, but when couples only have MFI (male-factor infertility) they are quite likely to be successful on the first or second try. I've seen it happen over and over again. And you might not even have to go straight to IVF, IUI might be an option (and if your insurance covers fertility treatments you may have to try IUI first anyway).
If you do end up looking into IVF, talk to your doctor about "mini IVF" without BC or Lupron suppression. The typical round of IVF costs $15,000-25,000 depending on what meds you need, but with mini IVF less meds are used and it's much more cost effective (and easier on the female partner). Since your wife has no known problems, you're probably good candidates. Also price-shop your meds. If you have a couple of months lead time you can look into places like ivfmeds.com, or overseas pharmacies where meds may be much more affordable. Also MAKE SURE the clinic you work with will follow your wife's natural cycle and not force her into "patient batching" where do only X number of IVF cycles a year, and this make all patients to follow that schedule. My previous clinic did this, and it's why we've lost so much time. My new clinic will follows my natural cycle, and their protocols involve way less drugs.
- monika JLv 73 years ago
Artificial insemination may help and will be cheaper
- KangarooLv 73 years ago
You just have to get on with life.
Be glad that the choice to adopt or go through IVF exists. Don't assume IVF will work, btw.
- AmarettaLv 73 years ago
There's an organization called Resolve that helps couples deal with the sadness and frustration of infertility. They have chapters all over the country. It might be helpful to connect with other young couples going through the same struggles and get advice on the best professionals in your area to help with the problems you are having. You also just need to relax and not stress out about the infertility.Source(s): Personal experience -- infertile for two years before the first of my children was conceived.
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- CarolynLv 43 years ago
We had a child, then tried again 5 years later. That pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 17 weeks. An endocrinologist told me I'd never carry again to full term and tried to convince me to get esure implanted to prevent another miscarriage. I trusted God and knew in my heart that we would eventually one day at some point unknown to me, have another child. Now when our first child was 9, I went to a chiropractor for super lower back pain. The chiro said chiropractic helps for lots of things, even infertility. Just so happens 4 months into treatment I conceived a boy! I was 40 years old. He was/is healthy, now 7 yrs. When he was 11 months old I gave birth to another boy, when I was 41. He was a preemie but is now a healthy 6 yr old.
Never in the 10 year between the first and second child did I ever let the faulty advice of a human and the godless unfaithfulness of a doctor get in the way of my hope. He's a pretty good doctor but a doctor believing in science nonetheless, more than God. You've got to stop trying so hard. You've got to stop following the calendar. It's only causing you great distress, and that's going to further dampen your efforts to conceive anyway. You've got to stop thinking about it and enjoy life, just let it happen. If it doesn't happen, you can give yourself 5 years and adopt. I've even heard of people giving up and adopting, and then getting pregnant. Neither you nor your wife control pregnancy. Obviously you need to make love for it to happen, but whether you conceive or not is completely and fully in God's hands. So be happy, accept your fate with the hopes (and prayers?) that God will bless you with children, and be grateful for the wife and the life you already have.
- d jLv 53 years ago
The more you stress yourself over it, the lesser are the chances of conception.
Forget about it. It will happen.
If you get intimate with yourself only to try some more, it will be harder.