Encourage 24yr. old to stay in college or not??
My son is 13 classes from getting his bachelor degree in management.Two semesters ago he withdrew mid term because he says he doesn't like business so of course that was a lost 5 classes.Now this semester he acted like he was going but until 3 weeks before the end of semester he has been lying he hasn't gone.He works at a retail store and was told with a degree they would promote him to management,even without it they promote,but life is a long time and without a degree he's stuck.He'll has been living at home not paying for anything which I didn't mind but now he won't even make enough to pay student loans and bills.What is wrong with some boys,it's like they have no ambition.My husband his dad could care less and if I start giving rules a argument starts,2 against 1. Really what can I do???
13 classes from management degree now wants criminal justice started those but stopped going!!!!!
- CaligulaLv 74 years agoFavorite Answer
You and your husband can decide what rules he has to follow in exchange for your help with his tuition.
You and your husband can decide under what circumstances he may continue to live in your home.
Basically, any help you offer, you can attach strings to. You can say, "Either you are in school, earning a semester GPA of 2.7 or better every term, or you can pay us $525 a month in rent and utilities, or you need to move out within 6 weeks of leaving school." You can say, "You need a B- or better in at least 4 classes a semester or you need to find your own place to live." You can say, "If you major in business we will pay 1/4 of your tuition and give you a place to live; if you switch to criminal justice we aren't contributing to tuition and you'll need to pay $100 a month in rent." You can say, "You aren't going to class, so we aren't going to support you as just a college student, but if you are working hard enough to satisfy us at getting a good job you may stay here for up to 6 months as long as you do the dishes and drive your younger siblings to and from school." You can say, "We will give you $236 a semester toward tuition, but you have to wear a Green Bay Packers shirt on game days."
Whatever your rules are about the support you offer, you can enforce that rule (as long as you do it legally).
He can turn you down. He can say, "Okay, if that's what I have to do to live here and get money from you, I'm going to be an itinerant mime, couch-surfing at my friends' houses and working as a street performer." He can say, "Okay, I guess I'll finish this degree with the best grades I can manage," but he can also say, "If you don't understand how much I hate business, or if you don't care, then I'm going to go spend my time with people who get me. Maybe I'll drop you a Mother's Day card some time."
Clearly, what you want him to be doing is not working for him. Maybe he's lazy. Maybe he's suicidally depressed. Maybe he has found what he wants to do with his life and it's not what you want for him. Maybe he has no idea what he wants but is feeling pressured to commit to something and is panicking.
I completely understand how frustrating this has to be for you. But I also know that it's pretty bad for him, too. And it has been bad for awhile.
So you and your husband can get together and decide what you will and won't get on board with, and then let your son decide what he's going to do about the new rules, but I hope you will consider finding someone who is good at this to sit down with the three of you and help your son explain to you why he is withdrawing from classes or just not going -- he may need to figure it out himself before he can explain -- and then help the three of you come up with a plan going forward that helps your son make a good adult life for himself, which I know is what you want, with whatever support you and your husband are willing and able to give him and without you feeling used.
Good luck to you all.
- Anonymous4 years ago
Stop saying anything. It doesn't help.
My brother had the same problem. He got an Associates degree in a trade. He took over our grandfather's business, he employs most all of our nephews and he earns more than most over-paid university presidents.
- Donald BLv 74 years ago
Tell him he has to leave home.
- EdithLv 74 years ago
If he cannot give you some sort of a reason of what is going on, then the chances are he is on drugs.
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- 4 years ago
College is important to liberals. It's like the wizard of Oz where the Lion gets a certificate. It's all in your mind.
- Anonymous4 years ago
He is an adult and can make his own decisions. If he isn't going to school or helping pay the bills, kick him out of the house.