Whts wrong with me?

i get fruteradted really easily, i hate my mom even though she cares for me, i have a good life cause i am fortunate and i shouldnt feel sad... but i do. i feel like crying over the littlest things and i want to die. ive tried to each out for help by talk therapy ut it didnt hep, it made it worse and i felt like... show more i get fruteradted really easily, i hate my mom even though she cares for me, i have a good life cause i am fortunate and i shouldnt feel sad... but i do. i feel like crying over the littlest things and i want to die. ive tried to each out for help by talk therapy ut it didnt hep, it made it worse and i felt like something more was the matter with me. i used to cut but my mom took my blades and scissors. taking my blades havent helped me but made me mad and angry. i hate myself and try to exercise but cant seem to get motivated. last year i was almost diagnosed with an eating disorder but my mom would practically shove food down my throat. i get in trouble at school for chewing gum and fidgeting which i know are symptoms for ADHD but i dont know. i tend to push people away cause i dont want them to leave me cause i dont want to be hurt but that results in me getting close to people with a mask on and acting like someone else. i dont know what to do and ive concidered suicide. please help and i hate when people say its hormones becasue hormones dont make you want to die. im sorry this is long and these ae some of the many things on my mind
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