Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 4 years ago

How do I confront my cheating spouse?

I've had my suspicions my wife was cheating on me for awhile, but today those suspicions have borne fruit. Through one of the many nanny cams I had installed throughout our apartment, I have video feed of my wife kissing and performing fellatio on someone I had thought to be a close friend while our daughters were playing in the backroom. Often I would smell sweat & pheromones all over her or taste another man when we kissed. I'm heartbroken and angry that these two would betray me in this way. And in the midst of my children at that. I want them to feel the weight of their choice and have it hurt them like it's hurting me. How can I confront them and come out on top?

7 Answers

  • 4 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Well, depending on your state, this is grounds for punitive damages in a divorce. This is not only adultery, but child endangerment because she was sucking d___ instead of minding your daughters. They could have gotten hurt or lost. Someone I know entrusted her mother to take care of her toddler while she was out at her job, and the child got out and almost crossed the freeway before passersby noticed her. The person actually quit her job to stay home with her child now, and will never trust her mother to watch her again. That's what it could have come to with yours, too.

    Since you have it on cam, I'd enlist the services of an attorney who specializes in High Conflict Personalities (HCPs) with regards to the family court system. Your wife is devious, without conscience, amoral. This will not likely be an amicable parting. If you move out, she could have you charged with abandonment; if you try to kick her out, that's spousal abuse. So talk to your lawyer before you do anything.

    As far as your "friend", he used your wife and is scum. She used him too. You could have STDs as a result of their messing. However you deal with him, make sure you already have a lawyer on board and don't let him know anything's amiss because then she'll know and you want your plan of action already implemented. Good luck and I'm very sorry this is happening to you and your daughters.

  • david
    Lv 6
    4 years ago

    Post the video on facebook for all of her friends to see.

  • 4 years ago

    Make a copy of the tape, put the original somewhere she couldn't possibly find it, and then give her or show her the copy. That's it. You don't even have to say anything.

  • Dick
    Lv 7
    4 years ago

    No matter what you will NOT come out on top. If you think there is some possibility that she might change, tell her what you saw. Then tell her she must break it off and cease ALL contact with your "friend". Don't argue or fight. Make a statement, without embellishments, and be sure you mean what you say. My guess is that your best course of action wil be to contact a divorce attorney and start divorce proceedings. You can tell her when she's served with the papers.

    You can expect a lot of acrimony over child custody. You will probably have to sell your house and most valuable possessions, so the proceeds can be divided equally. There is NO WAY you can "come out on top"! She will probably even try to prove you caused her to stray.

    Good luck. You will need a lot of it!

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  • I would lay low and set about executing plans. Find a GOOD lawyer. Stash away as much cash as you can. And so on.

    Then when you are ready to spring it, some night when the kids are all in bed, bang her one last time then say you have a great movie you want to watch with her. Then put in the DVD and wait for the video of her blowing some dude to come on. Mic drop.

    But remember, proving her adultery will not give you any advantage in divorce court.

  • Mike
    Lv 7
    4 years ago

    remember you will never come out on top by breaking up your home. revenge is best served on a cold platter. short of banging your friends wife...i would just divorce.

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    Forget the dude and confrontation for now. What you need to do now is act like everything is peachy and head to the bank to take her name off any accounts with your money she has access to. Next save copies of the video in multiple places online as well as a portable media device. When you push for divorce, you'll need to show that to the Judge to prove infidelity and strike down her chances of taking you to the cleaners. Also you can push for sole custody of your children by telling the judge that she is a lascivious woman and a bad influence on your children. Tell him that you don't want your children growing up in a home with a woman that is prone to have sex where they might happen upon it.

    Before that tho pay up the rent in your apartment until you can find another place to stay. Plan for a day when you know she'll be gone for a long time and that's when you move. When she's gone, pay some movers to help you move quickly to your new residence before she gets home. Leave her a note and copy of the cheating video on the table, saying "Hope you can pay the rent. See you in divorce court." After that's all done, catch the dude unawares and beat him in his wee so he'll never be able to use it again.

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