Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureHolidaysRamadan · 3 years ago

I am 23 and im muslim i need help i lost my virginity to my bf and i am really regretting this badly.. advice!?

I am a 23 year old arabic/muslim girl from Lebanon, born an raised in the U.S. Me and my bf have been together for 2 years now and i lost my virginity a few months ago. While being together in his room studying things got out of hand an heated up. I always told him to stop once he got to close to ripping my hymen. Unfortunately it slipped and i lost my virginity. We both knew it is against our religion to have pre marital sex and we take full responsibility for even foreplay that lead to me losing my virginity. My parents have met him several times and they Absolutely love him. He visits my dad almost everyday and has major respect for my daddy. After our incident i started to panic and crying at times. Although he says he is going to marry i cannot guarantee this marriage to actually happen although i deeply wish and hope for it because i Truly love him. After the fact that i am not a virgin anymore has been put in my head it's starting to bother me badly and im starting to regret it because of my religion i know this is fortification in my religion but its to late to take it back. I don't know what to do im stressing more and more everyday. About the marriage i know it seems like "what the hell you psycho get married already" but the problem is, is that he graduated from University and has not yet found a job to support a marriage and until he finds a job and becomes settled down to marry me i am in desperate need to have other options in case this marriage does not happen.

Update:

I can never tell my parents not because they will kill me because i know they wouldn't do such thing, my parents are well educated people who would never think of killing their child but perhaps disowning me. I would hate for that to happen and im trying to avoid such dilemma.

Also what can i do as a muslim girl in order to ask for forgiveness from god because i know this is a major sin in islam.

sorry i know this is really long but i really need help and advice from everyone.

Update 2:

@abdulmalik it was a mistake. it happened even before we knew it and i regret it and stressed about it. i need sincere advises not jokes anf if you have no advises then feel free to leave my question and leave me alone

Update 3:

@accepting reality thank u for being sincere and yes i wear hijab and i pray my daily prayers. the guy i am with is a muslim but he doesnt pray. he loves me and i love him, he said he will marry me after he get a decent job but i dont know if it will really happen. i cant even face my parents because of such sin... they trust me but i broke their trust.. thou they do know about my relationship with him. how can i knw if god accepted my repentance?

Update 4:

@abdulmalik i am not a whore. i only got 2 bfs in my lifetime and i lost my virginity to the last one. dont call me whore

i will purify myself w/o your help

13 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    3 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Salam, feel free to post all Islamic questions in the Ramadan section where Muslims are like this: society and culture > holidays > Ramadan. (edit it there and block trolls).

    1. Don't email abdulmalik, he exposes conversations and pics and blackmails people.

    2. Yep you did a sin that is mentioned in the same sentence as murder and shirk (verses 25:68-69), and the punishment in the hereafter for that is double punishment..unless you repent.

    3. Which leads me to my next point, repent for this crime sincerely (and if you want to marry him he also has to repent), pray 2 rakats taubah (recommended), make dua to Allah ta'ala to keep you away from that sin, make intention to not do that sin again. One who repents for a sin is like one who didn't commit a sin. Also you cannot ever reveal your sin to anyone, Allah ta'ala will forgive you so long as you cover up your sins and the sins of others.

    4. The Prophet (s) said marry based on faith, if he is not a good Muslim I don't recommend marriage although both of you equally are not good Muslims in my opinion which both of you should work on by increasing your Iman, Allah ta'ala wants you to come into the Iman and there are dozens of ways to increase faith (reading Quran, going to the masjid, surrounding yourself with positive influences among Muslims, lowering your gaze, reciting lah illaha illah lah as dhikr, etc. Avoid sin, sin weakens faith until you lose it in some cases.

    5. If you aren't wearing hijab you need to start, if you aren't praying you NEED to start. You've committed a huge sin, now spend the rest of your life in service to Allah ta'ala living the way HE wants you to live not the way YOU want to live. Don't EVER sit with a non-mahrim alone ever again as you cannot handle it (nor he). COME NOT NEAR ZINA that is what Allah ta'ala says in the Quran. You lost so much reward because of this (for your hereafter) Subhanallah, so much reward!! no more! It's okay though Inshallah, repent and do your best to do good deeds to make up for this. I'm not trying to make it personal, I'm lebanese myself (irrelevant idk why you mentioned it but just to let you know, this isn't personal). it just angers me whenever shaytan gets the best of one of our own, those who have weak faith among us and do nothing whatsoever to increase it and abstain to realize that this world is an illusion and that the hereafter is the goal and that you WILL face Allah ta'ala, it's just mind boggling how this escapes peoples minds sometimes to the point where they commit sins like the one you commit. May Allah ta'ala protect us all from that sin and forgive you and him, and if he isn't Muslim then you cannot marry him (based on your description I take it he is). And none of you are Muslim if you aren't worshiping Allah ta'ala as he prescribed in the Noble Quran. You must pray 5 times a day or you have nothing whatsoever to do with Islam.

    ----------------

    If he doesn't pray then he's not Muslim and you cannot marry him. Tell him that it is a condition if he wants to marry you, seems like you're marrying someone of lower level than you, women should seek out men who have the strongest faith not men who have weak faith. I don't like it, the MAN is supposed to guide his delicate wife, he is the head of the house, how's he gonna guide if he is lower than you in deen? It's not good to me. He should improve and you should make it obligatory upon him. @asmaa just ignore him (abdulmalik), don't backbite his mom, all unislamic, reacting negatively isn't going to help.

    Source(s): Assuming you aren't a troll.
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    • Lv 6
      3 years agoReport

      evidence = sahih hadiths, Noble Quran + Ulema (majority scholar interpretation). The interpretation of Islam by individuals is not evidence, anything accompanied by personal interpretation is not to be accepted.

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  • 3 years ago

    You have been sinning long time being in relation with someone you never married. Nowt you have committed is severe major sin which has a punishment in this world and the hereafter. Same time what I can only say is, your sin is no greater than Allah's forgiveness. Do sincere repentance for He may forgive you. Shaitan will want to whisper, anyway I committed a big sin. I am worthless and let it be like this. Allah wants is repentance and turning to Him. You see, how beautiful life would been if you were patient enough to take the proper steps of marrying him and wholeheartedly loving him. Shaitan mislead you and misused you. Take care he don't use you again for such heinous acts.

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  • 3 years ago

    Ya Allah...

    Firstly stay away from Abdul Malik, he is a pervert. And uses Islamic names and Islamic texts such as quran and ahadith to come out to be a religious and pious person when from inside he is a desperate person seeking attention, and someone who flirts out with women.

    Secondly,

    You have done done the sin, and now you have the guilt. Do not take this guilt too far, but take it in a sense by saying at one side Al hamdullilah that you still have the imaan lurking within you somewhere in your heart, or else you would not even have a sense of guilt or fear of Allah ta'ala. So that is mashaAllah a good thing...

    But on the other side you need to make repentance and get back to the right track. I have many Lebanese friend and I can understand your cultural background. You need to make sure this marriage goes through, because I know in some families the wife is religious but the husband is not but the husband later one becomes religious as he learns from his wife.

    So it is not over, the hopes are alive. Involve elders in the family, to ensure that the guy is definitely going to marry you. You may be thinking to wait till he gets a job, but I would suggest marry before the job since no one has a clue if he may fall for someone else, so you can not loose this change.

    You got to be practical, sigh. I got loads to say, one thing I will advice Islamically do not fall for depression or suicidal parts, sins do happen and we are all humans. Our job is to make our connection straight again with Allah ta'ala by repenting, and turning away from sins. You need to battle your nafs and kick this lust which turns up and wants you to talk to men. Its not going to help if you allow your lust to burn within yourself, so do not wait off...

    Last but no the least, if you want to have further discussion I would not mind if you pass by my email which is on my profile. InshaAllah we can hold a discussion,

    Wa salam

    301 False

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  • Anonymous
    3 years ago

    The only thing you can do now is repent. Wake up towards the last portion of the night, make a prayer, and ask God for his forgiveness. Islam teaches that God's mercy supersedes His wrath. However, a sincere repentance would involve a strong will to observe the Law. This means no sexual contact whatsoever until your marriage.

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  • 3 years ago

    Salam You must get married with him as soon as possible without delay for stopping your zina with him.You must ask him to propose a marriage to your dad and discuss with him the date of marriage or nikah Do not wait until he found a job so he will seriously to find a job after married..Besides that ypou both should ask for Allah's forgiveness,repent and stop to do zina before marriage.You have disobeyed the prohibition of dating in Islam.Hugging and kissing before marriage are forbidden in Islam You must wear hijab because it is mandatory as commanded by Allah based on the Qur'an

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    • sara3 years agoReport

      he graduated from the university so we cant get marry until he gets a job and settles down. i need other options if there is

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  • 3 years ago

    It's against your religion to have a boyfriend or bein a room alone with a non mahram, sooo if you had followed Islam to begin with you would not be in this situation.

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  • Anonymous
    3 years ago

    Well dear, your big worry should be him. Even though he was the one who ruined you (both of you) Muslim men DO NOT WANT TO MARRY RUINED WOMEN. Yeah, he says this and he says that. But what he is really thinking he does not say....... "I WANT TO MARRY A VIRGIN". I assure you this Muslim stupidity is working on his brain at this very moment. So what will happen is that because you had sex with the man you want to marry He will not marry you. As I said, "Islam is STUPID"

    • sara3 years agoReport

      my bf isnt as how you describe him above. he is serious about me and he visits my father everyday. i am his first gf

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  • Anonymous
    3 years ago

    Hopefully you are not pregnant and you can marry in the future if you still want too.

    @ Abdulmalik. In my opinion some of the lowest slime on earth are those who take great joy in kicking others when they are down as a twisted way of making up for their own shortcomings. Your answer says a lot about your black, microscopic heart and absence of compassion.

    Urging someone to kill themselves is low, even for you.

    Source(s): Kenzie
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  • ❶ - Death is better for you. Maryam wished to die before even being THOUGHT of as unchaste:

    "(She said: "Would that I had died before this, and had been forgotten and out of sight!'') - In this is an evidence of the permissibility to wish for death when a calamity strikes. She knew that she was going to be tested with the birth, the people would not assist her, and they would not believe her story. After she was known as a devout worshipper among them, they now thought that she had become a fornicating whore." (Ibn Katheer)

    What about you who is actually impure and unchaste? Instead of following the way of the righteous, you followed the way of disbelievers.... In fact, there are even disbelievers who take chastity vows, purity rings, etc. You are lower than them, whore. You have betrayed your religion and your family.

    ❷ - You should go to Islamic lands, and admit what you have done. You will be purified there. I have no mercy for you.

    __________________________

    Email me whore, I will help you.

    Add: Don't make excuses, you piece of sh*t whore. Purify yourself - remember, no one wants a whore so you're worthless now anyway.

  • 3 years ago

    Repent to Allah. Ask Him for forgiveness and make sure you don't return to that sin again. Try to work hard to avoid yourself from falling into that sin.

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