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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 4 years ago

What is the best way to move my elderly mother out of her home, and into mine?

My mom is 89yo, soon to be 90. She is fairly healthy, apart from normal aging, arthritis, some hearing loss, and a bit of forgetful periods. It is the forgetful periods I am now very concerned about. She lives in a condo in an urban area and still goes out and around as if she is 30. I am her only child and my father and close relatives have passed. I feel she is in the beginning stages of dementia, but she will fight you tooth and nail to acknowledge it. Her condo is beautiful, however, over the years, my mother has shut down since my fathers passing and has become a bit of a hoarder. I feel she lives in squalor. Dust, dirty panoramic windows, stove hasn t worked in years, bathrooms need repair and no lights, papers papers and clothes evrywhere. When my father passed, so did her favorite brother and my great aunt. My mother brought all there things to her home 20years ago and its still piled up in a corner. I cannot live there, nor my children. We can hardly visit as we are astmatic.

5 Answers

  • 4 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    It will be very hard to get your mom to leave her home, the home itself brings back a feeling of security, it was the home she shared with your father and leaving it, would mean leaving his memory behind. I tell you this because we are in a similar situation.

    My wife and I have been married for 27 years and we live in the house that her brother bought years ago to bring the family here from Illinois. Little by little as her siblings have all gotten older and married, they have moved on until it was just my mother in law and my wife. When we were getting ready to get married, My brother in law approached us to ask where we were going to live and at the time, we were planning on getting us a condo to rent, he suggested we stay in the house with his mom since the house is so big. At the time it sounded like a great idea, but then I realized that we were trapped.

    One day a really good friend of ours was going to move to Las Vegas and leave us her 4 bedroom house. She said it was ours, no money down, no money out of pocket, you guys just take it and I am out of here. When we told my mother in law, she said I hope you will be very happy, I am not leaving, she said my son said I could stay here until I die and I won't leave.

    The only thing that I can suggest is you telling her that you get very lonely, try and find a way to make it sound like it is her idea to move in with you. Never mention selling her place, she will fight you on the idea, but if she just stays with you and your daughter and keeps her house, then she's not having to give anything up, does that make sense?

    I wish you the best. Good Luck

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    Over the years I thought it great if we could clean and sell her home and purchase a home to accommodate us both. First, she was totally against..then she said yes, then no then yes...ugh I gave up. But now the expense is driving us both to ruin...I cannot maintain 2 homes with expenses.

    I have recently found a lovely resale, with living quarters especially for her, and plenty of space for us. The money we would save by doing this is over 4000 per month (shed also be paying on 3 storages for the last 24 years. I sat down with her and broke down all the expenses and how we could save. She agreed to move. That was last month. I signed the contracts....and now it is time to move her so I can clean out that condo. She said shed not ready!! Ugh. Help

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  • 4 years ago

    You can get court order for her to move in with you make shure ur place is decked out to meet her needs and that she has enough space to move around in telp her that she took care of you for 18 yrs and that now its time for you to care for her tell her ur concerns if she still refuses put her butt in a old folks home make shure you take tours make shure nurses are friendly and the staff is involved loving and careling note the condition of the ppace talk with residents there ask em how it is for them living there and what its like and if they like it make shure the place is clean and so forth

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  • 4 years ago

    So she has 3 households of 'stuff' and 'things' from the last 20 years laying around and you want to move her in with you ? She will be upset if she has to leave it, you will be upset if she brings it. You should let your mom be alone and happy. In a couple of years, you will not have a problem, except how to dispose of this 'stuff'

    • Berdell4 years agoReport

      Yeah, I know all the"stuff". She knows I am trashing it. Yes sometimes I say "whtever" but I love her . It kills me to see this educated woman, who worked her career for 40yrs to live her last days like that.. Plus her condo maintainence is doubling next year...I just cant

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  • 4 years ago

    Well my mother moved into my grandmoms but you can rent a uhall for her stiff and for her u can just move her in rite away. Or if u have a truck u can save money and get her things that way.

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