Abusive boyfriend help, pulled a knife?
I'm 18 and I love my boyfriend of 2 years so much, but I'm getting more and more scared because with each fight we have it gets more and more violent. It started with pushing and then moved to kicking and choking and last night he had a knife and waved it at me but didn't touch me, and then we were at the top of his wooden stairs when he picked me up and started pushing me down the stairs but I held onto the doorknob begging him to please not throw me. Later he said he wasn't going to actually do it. When we aren't fighting things are perfect though. I am the one who eggs him on in fights and I'll push him and yell at him too, so I don't blame him for his craziness because he wasn't like this early on. I could leave before fights get physical but I stay. I grew up with an abusive dad and I feel like I'm so ****** up that I just bring everyone down with me, like I feel my whole life is just me going through different phases of finding ways to hurt myself. I don't know what to do. I want to get married to him, but he's cheated on me before, and he keeps flirting with other girls. That's what starts the fights. He says he's just being nice, which sometimes I can believe, and the last time he physically cheated was a year and a half ago. Am I the crazy one? Am I the cause of this **** I never thought could happen? I dont know what to do.
We used to bring out the best in each other, but I don't know what happened. When I try to leave he'll physically make me stay, or I'll drive away and come back because I get so depressed and can't stop crying. This fighting only happens like once every couple months and the rest is bliss!
What should I do at this point in abusive relationship?
- Anonymous4 years agoFavorite Answer
I understand and feel for you. But this is honestly NOT love. Take this as a mother's blunt talk. This is not love and I honestly feel you're a little naive. Not for loving, but for judging. Everyone feels love and closeness to other people. Even I did at your age. But this is not love. It is mere short-lived infatuation that'll perish with time. He's kicking and choking! Seriously?!! He pulled a knife! He was about to throw you down the stairs! He cheated on you before! He flirts with other girls! I can't help but say...what the heck is wrong with you? I really don't mean to be rude. Take this coming from a mother - the blunt, cold, hard truth - you honestly really need to leave him! And don't think of me as the overcautious and annoying mom. You honestly really need to leave. Actions speak louder than words. The fact that he can even think of pulling a knife and throwing you down and cheating on you and you're still thinking about him is beyond me. I've had fights with my husband. And serious fights. We've yelled at each other and pushed and shoved. But never have either of us even thought of pulling a knife or cheating on the other or doing something like that. Seriously, coming from a mother, take this to be my sincerest blunt advice. I've raised kids. And they've all had boyfriends and stuff. My daughter brought her boyfriend to visit. And we've all known him for about 3 months now. He's very smart and kind and caring and protective. And he's just family to us. He comes home, visits, plays with the other kids from the neighborhood. They sleep over over the holidays. We know him completely. We know he's a man of integrity and that we can trust him even if it were to be with our lives. My daughter completely trusts him. He's very helpful and caring and protective of her. That's how relationships and love and trust is supposed to be. I feel for you and understand you feel close to your bf. And my daughter went thru something like this also - although not even close to what you're going thru. And honestly, if it had been my daughter going through what you're going through, I honestly probably would've called the police. What he's doing to you is not the so called everyday fights. He's abusing you, he's hurting you, and he's dangerous. And that all can very well amount to be a criminal offense. Seriously, think about what I've said. And I'm giving you advice that I would have given to my daughter had she been in your place. You honestly really need to leave him.
RESPONSE TO UPDATES: At this point, I think you're just trolling us. "What should I do?" Seriously? You're still asking that question. We've all given you our advice. And it's the same! And my advice is still and will always be the same too. For a man who can even think of doing what your bf has been doing is a disgrace. And to my list of his vile deeds above, add physical force. The fact that he's doing what he's doing and you're even thinking about him is, with all due respect, completely f*cked up. This is not the time for depression or crying. You need to leave him and move on with you life.
- Anonymous4 years ago
The only sensible solution is to get out now.
He is cheating on you and threatening you and you are egging him on and encouraging him. You are not good for each other if you bring out each other's worst behaviors instead the best. That it is getting worse is a very bad sign.
I suggest you take at least a 1-2 year time out from dating, spend the time on your education, job and finding out how to live peacefully with yourself before you try to live with others. You are still young, you have some growing up to do anyway, so you have plenty of time.
Edit: what happened is that the honeymoon period of the relationship is over, two years sounds about right. This is how it is going to be.
- 31bSoldierLv 64 years ago
Lemme see if I get this straight...
pulled a knife
pushed you down stairs
Should I stay with him....
I'm sorry, how much glue did your parents have to huff to make you turn out that stupid?
- 4 years ago
I can see why you love the guy.
If he is abusive then LEAVE HIM. Don't come here whining about how you egg him on. You're just blaming yourself for his problem.
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- donaldLv 54 years ago
you need ta leave him cause you priceless an he just may hurt you if you allowing it to get worse an not doing anything about it! find another person that a adore an appreciate you without the intent ta hurt you cause its billions of people on this planet an one just for you!
- Ziff SpiffingtonLv 74 years ago
so break up already. why would you stay in a relationship with someone like that? do you want to wind up dead or crippled? - END IT NOW and don;t accept any sob stories he gives you. you are an IDIOT if you want to stay with someone who has cheated on you and physically threatens you and the fact that you egg him on, makes no sense either
- Enough TrollsLv 74 years ago
A blade - get away before you are murdered.
- 4 years ago
give him a pack of sigarates and heel be good or snickers
- whyskyhighLv 74 years ago
call the police or be a bleeding victim