Abusive boyfriend help, pulled a knife?

I'm 18 and I love my boyfriend of 2 years so much, but I'm getting more and more scared because with each fight we have it gets more and more violent. It started with pushing and then moved to kicking and choking and last night he had a knife and waved it at me but didn't touch me, and then we were at... show more I'm 18 and I love my boyfriend of 2 years so much, but I'm getting more and more scared because with each fight we have it gets more and more violent. It started with pushing and then moved to kicking and choking and last night he had a knife and waved it at me but didn't touch me, and then we were at the top of his wooden stairs when he picked me up and started pushing me down the stairs but I held onto the doorknob begging him to please not throw me. Later he said he wasn't going to actually do it. When we aren't fighting things are perfect though. I am the one who eggs him on in fights and I'll push him and yell at him too, so I don't blame him for his craziness because he wasn't like this early on. I could leave before fights get physical but I stay. I grew up with an abusive dad and I feel like I'm so ****** up that I just bring everyone down with me, like I feel my whole life is just me going through different phases of finding ways to hurt myself. I don't know what to do. I want to get married to him, but he's cheated on me before, and he keeps flirting with other girls. That's what starts the fights. He says he's just being nice, which sometimes I can believe, and the last time he physically cheated was a year and a half ago. Am I the crazy one? Am I the cause of this **** I never thought could happen? I dont know what to do.
Update: We used to bring out the best in each other, but I don't know what happened. When I try to leave he'll physically make me stay, or I'll drive away and come back because I get so depressed and can't stop crying. This fighting only happens like once every couple months and the rest is bliss!
Update 2: What should I do at this point in abusive relationship?
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