Anonymous asked in Society & CultureMythology & Folklore · 4 years ago

Please read-Help?

I am someone who has emotional issues. I suffer from PTSD, have had horrible relationships and also been abused in those relationships. People normally say that people like me shouldn't be in a relationship. Well, I find that hard to swallow and it sounds ridiculous. Please don't be hard on me as i am so very fragile and think about just ending it all the time. Don't damaged things normally get thrown out anyway?

I've been married to my husband for a year, together for 3. He is very understanding towards me most of the time. I am very jealous and insecure. I am always waiting for the other foot to drop. I am not trusting at all. My last relationship-he called me names everyday, lied about everything, hit me, beat my car with a shovel on my birthday, punched me repeatedly on Christmas Eve. I am a broken person who has been through a lot. I have picked myself up numerous times throughout my life and I am tired. I am always thinking that someone is lying to me or leading a double life. My ex even had a hidden cell phone and was cheating on me. All my life ive only had people lie, use, and hurt me.

We have to rent movies with no nudity, and he even must turn his head when it shows women in bikinis. I was also raped 10 years ago, so i think it gives me a feeling of men are like that or something and it disgusts me to think my husband would look at someone else lustfully. i question him about everything and it drives him crazy. i get upset and mad at him very


easily. This morning at 6 am when we were getting ready for work, right before i was about to leave he pulled snuss (?) out of his pocket and showed it to me. It upset me cause he already smokes cigs,and uses a vaporizer (which are both very expensive). Most of all it bothered me because he didnt tell me yesterday. Why wait until I'm about to leave for work..

Things got heated and he pushed me-hard. i know what people will say, but this man is my life. if this doesnt work out for me, there

Update 2:

will never be anything working out for me. i do not want to go on anymore. he is the only thing that brings life to me. i already know that i plan to end my life when he leaves me. My question, if I am really messed up and abuse him emotionally ( i realize i do-and hate myself for it) can I really request/demand/expect to not be abused back? someone please help.

Update 3:

It was long, so i had to keep using updates. i was hoping noone would read it before i was done.

Update 4:

I cant believe someone would call me a troll. this is real. and i am at work. sad, i know, but im a nervous wreck.

Update 5:

The fact that you would see someone going through a hard time and then ridicule them is very sad. You're a horrible person. I am actually a 33 year old woman with a high paying job who lives with her husband and pets.

Update 6:

The fact that people are so mean, just shows me that I am probably not meant for this world. I am too sensitive. I do so much to try to make up for my short comings. In every other way I am over the top trying to compensate.

Update 7:

And to the question about whether I realize about the work servers...Of course I do. I just don't care. If they decide to take the time to look at it, it will be because I am already in trouble and they've decided to. Did it ever occur to you that I am in an administrative position, so I dont have to worry about that? I will no longer be humoring the true troll on this question. Just wanted to clear that up.

Update 8:

I don't really understand why people keep saying im a troll? I don't get it. This question was typed with raw emotion of someone who is needing a real person to read this and answer it thoughtfully. I understand that Yahoo is plagued with stupid questions asked by people who aren't real, but I am. I answer people's questions thoughtfully and I would like the same please?

Update 9:

I'm starting to cry again. Why are people so mean? I would never purposely be mean to someone. I am such an empathetic person, and to see people be so rude to someone who is already feeling like they are on the edge is just wrong...

Update 10:

I try so hard man. It's not like i can just make my problems go away. Talking to someone doesn't help, medications don't help. So what does one do? I just try to live my life the best I can.

Update 11:

I called my husband and apologized. He is tired of me getting upset. When i mentioned my shoulder hurt (cause he pushed me) he said, "Oh my god" sounding annoyed by it. Pretty much like he didn't care or feel bad.

Update 12:

I am asking this because normally people say that if you are being pushed or anything you should leave. But what if you are also abusive, emotionally through your own insecurity? Pushing doesn't seem that bad. But last year we went out to a club drinking and we got in an argument. After we got home I wouldnt leave the car and he ended up punching me in the face repeatedly as I layed there and cried. He also choked me that night. But never anything else like that. it scares me though.

Update 13:

Remembering that night makes me way more scared than pushing. I have heard that being strangled makes a woman 7 times more likely to be murdered by her partner. i also know that i cannot ever have any children. that chance i cannot take.

Update 14:

Someone said to take into account my mental problems....i'm pretty sure i talked about my mental problems in this question and that is the whole reason for the question...So I really wish someone who is not a douche would try to answer my question thoughtfully.

Update 15:

I have been to therapy, as my question describes.

Update 16:

I think the person who thinks this is about tobacco is the imbecile. That wasn't my question at all.

Update 17:

I guess because I have issues I don't deserve for anyone on here to be nice to me? I already hated myself but this just takes it to another level.

Update 18:

I see that most people think someone like me deserves to be pushed. I had already planned to just live with it silently. it just hurts so bad to not have ANYONE who wants to keep me safe. I want to be cherished.

Update 19:

I am having a very hard emotional time, so can you please stop editing the category of my question? I have been in tears all day. Why are you doing this to me?

4 Answers

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    Dear god, i got bored on the 10 update. All this ramble because of a tobacco? Are u for real or u re a total imbecile? U should book time for a mental doctor. Called psychiatrist. Then u need to be on medication fo schisofrenia. And this is just mine, no medical education, diagnosis. I am sure a certified professional will find much more wrong with u

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  • 4 years ago

    IF someone lit into me first thing in the morning, I might push them also. Get the help from a professional and stop being so ill.

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    When someone claims that everyone abuses them I assume they are crazy , bring it on themselves or both .

    Edit : When you are experiencing a moment of clarity you should write yourself a note reminding yourself of your mental problems and propensity to " push buttons " . Be sure to take these issues into account when judging him .

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    You sound like a nutter,screw loose,one spoke short of a wheel,the mouth moved the eyes flicker but MR BRAIN HAS LONG SINCE DEPARTED.

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