Why is divorce considered failure?

Let's say a man and a woman got married. They were together for years, and stayed married for a few years. The spouse has gone crazy, or became a drug addict, or became physically abusive, or cheated, etc.

It's considered wayyyy worse for a woman to get divorced. The above are equal for men and women. But the cheating part has a double standard. It's considered not as bad to for a man to cheat on a woman, than it is for a woman to cheat on a man. That breaks my heart. It's like saying that women are worth a dime a dozen. In fact, I've seen people trivializing male cheating, "He's just being a man" they say..Give him a chance. Meanwhile, if a woman cheats, she's a whore forever, and should be burned at the stake.

It's not ok to cheat on anyone. I am not a feminist, I'm an equalist.

Update:

There shouldn't be such pressure to stay married. I am NOT saying it should be ok to get married and remarried all the time for trivial reasons. I am just saying that it is not always the persons fault under spe circumstances

Update 2:

I know gay marriage is allowed, and I have absolutely nothing against it. I used straight marriage for a reason; to show the difference between what happens to the ex wife vs what happens to the ex husband. I still think that women who get divorced are stigmatized a little more strongly.

Update 3:

@Bruce, have you never heard the term sociopath? Those scumbags can pose as something else, be it a gay marriage or straight, they can have the person fooled for years, until they find that their spouse is on the hook, and after that they let let their true selves show. Marriage should not be considered a failure for anyone in this case. Sociopaths are the most fake people, and sadly, the best actors. They can fool pretty much anyone.

7 Answers

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  • 4 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I do not consider divorce to be a failure, when compared with living in a marriage that isn't happy or fulfilling. Of the two, I'd say the marriage is the failure, and the divorce would be the better choice. I do take issue with your generalization that it is way worse for women to cheat than for men. Yes, some people assume that this is man's nature and that "men will be men", etc, but I don't. Cheating is cheating, regardless of the cheater's gender. And if you can't trust your partner to be honest and loyal and faithful, then you really have a damaged relationship , with mistrust lingering and pervading everything. The impact on children is significant, whether in an unhappy marriage or divorce, and each must be weighed in view of how it will affect them. I do believe that kids are better off in a divorce situation than an unhappy marriage. So staying together for the sake of the children isn't always the greatest solution. Good wishes,

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  • .
    Lv 7
    4 years ago

    It's not considered failure by everyone. Relationships run their course and sometimes marriages end. It's not odd at all, seeing as our species wasn't really wired to pair up and stay together for decades. We can certainly choose to do that, but without the Church having dictated it should be the norm, chances are long term monogamy would never have become what was thought of as the norm.

    Some marriages do last 'til death. Many do not. No shame at all in a situation ending. The shame comes in how some parties misbehave and treat one other (or their kids) when the ending comes. There is no virtually no stigma these days with regard to divorce, and it's not common at all for men or women to be thought of differently or for either to be looked upon less favorably for having divorced. The vast majority of people really don't care (that someone is divorced).

    Cheating is also equally frowned upon by most people. Only a very few find it more or less acceptable for one sex to cheat than the other. Your statements are not at all accurate, for the vast majority of people. That should please you. ☺

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  • 4 years ago

    Divorce is a sign that the 2 do not want to be married anymore. It could be construed to be failure but that ignores the positives from the marriage while it lasted. So circumstances do matter. But at the end of the day i don't think it is anyone elses business. Japan has a low divorce rate but also a very easy divorce procedure, such that one party can forge the consent of the other party and get the divorce completed. To reverse it requires the other party to prove there was forgery but at that point it is rather meaningless unless you want to fight for custody etc in court. Most divorces in Japan are settled with a simple application form rather than in courts.

    But despite their low divorce rate, alot of couples who remain married are de facto divorced. They live in the same household and have a civil relationship but are more like room mates and live separate lives and sleep in separate rooms. So that illustrates that not divorcing is not necessarily a sign of success. I suppose you could say they do not hate each other enough that they can't even live together under such an arrangement!

    I think it is bad for men or women to cheat but society looks worse upon women than men. That is just sexism at play. You can recall it throughout history and across cultures (although there are some exceptions when women held the power, eg in matriarchies). I was reading about the only female emperor in China. She had a few male favourites and historians and other berate her for that. And yet it was standard for emperors to have a harem of thousands of females! For chinese commoners who were betrothed at birth, even if one party died the marriage still took place unless they called it off. The surviving female would still marry into the deceased males family and look after her in laws and be forbidden to remarry. The surviving male would still marry the deceased female but he could take additional wives! Those with power always find a way to exempt themselves from the rules for others.

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    One word: Alimony.

    Lol but seriously though does it always have to between man and woman, gay marriage is allowed these days. It is considered a failure, because not only are you going to waste your money and property on your former spouse from now on, you have also wasted your time and devotion to marrying someone who wasn't willing to genuinely care about you and only pretend to "care" for you for sex and/or money. You should really bond let alone get to know your partner first for at least several years (I strongly suggest being in a relationship with that special someone for at least 5 years) before you decide to even consider a marriage proposal to that person at all. Or don't even marry at all, with marriage failing on average every 13 seconds with a result of divorce, is it really worth it? Marriage is a failure because there's no such thing as not loving someone anymore, they would divorce you for their own personal gain. You either love them eternally or divorce them, showing that you never cared about them in the first place.

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  • 4 years ago

    "That breaks my heart. It's like saying that women are worth a dime a dozen. In fact, I've seen people trivializing male cheating, "He's just being a man" they say..Give him a chance. Meanwhile, if a woman cheats, she's a whore forever, and should be burned at the stake. "

    You're simply weeping for women. Its your thoughts that are breaking your heart when you can simply let it go. Not many think this way.

    You seem to be a perfect candidate for gender studies, go there and join the rest of the people who have mental illness and think this way.

    "I still think that women who get divorced are stigmatized a little more strongly."

    Pfft..yeah right, you obviously don't know the market of divorced men. You speak without experience.

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  • BAM
    Lv 7
    4 years ago

    It isnt okay for anybody to cheat. My wife cheated on me after 17 years together. People assume that I did somethong terribly bad. Not the case. I tried to get her to end the affair. I tried to get her to go to and participate in therapy.

    When you marry somebody, you are supposed to be together for life. Times wont always be good...nor will they always be bad. Things will turn around if you work at them and give them time. Too many people jump ship far too early and end marriages these days. Everybody wants instant gratification and thinks they should be blissfully happy. They hold their spouse accountabile for their state of happiness. Marriages arent happy or miserable. If you have a bad attitude and are hyper critical, you will see your spouse and martiage in a negative light. Turn ypur attitude around and stay committed.

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  • 4 years ago

    is it? by whom? not by me

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