Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 6 years ago

should I write my professor a secret admirer letter?

I recently graduated and now I am really crushing on my professor. He would always bring me a snack to school and I thought that was very caring. We have had some awkward moments in the lab storage since it's small. He always makes eye contact with me in class or called on me. I would always just turn away and smile. I just don't want to be over thinking it. He hugged me when he saw me at graduation and was smiling super hard. I never really made it obvious to him that I had a crush unlike the other females. Anyways i wanted to give him a note telling him how I feel, but I didn't want him to open it until after I left, only to avoid seeing his face as he read it. I was going to put my phone number and just say "text me if you feel the same" or "don't say anything at all if you were just being caring professor."

6 Answers

  • 6 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I agree with James: that is creepy.

    Aside from that, you would be telling him that you believe he is unethical. (The description you provide makes it clear that you believe he is unethical, too.) How would you feel if he left you a little note that said, "I looked the other way every time I graded your work. Don't bother replying unless you want to know more little "tricks." Would you think, "Oooh, sexy! I wonder whether he can help me improve my forgery skills?" Or would you think, "Hey, wait a minute! I earned those grades fair and square. And he thought all this time that I wasn't smart enough to pass the course on my own?" Assuming that you are not a serial cheater (I take it for granted that you are not), you'd probably be offended by someone sending you a note suggesting that you are.

    To get back to the creepy part, if someone knew who the professor in question is and showed what you wrote above to the man's department chair, director of undergraduate studies, his job could be at risk. And with that kind of past and many qualified people unable to get jobs in academia, if he lost his job for that, his career might be over. If you had gotten the example note I wrote, would you worry that if the professor might, if he became dissatisfied with you, decide to claim he had just realized you had cheated in his class and needed to fail the class and (because what he suggested was a long-standing pattern) possibly be suspended or expelled or have your degree revoked as well? If I got the letter you propose to send with one of those tag lines, I would worry that I should take it as a potential threat. And I am familiar with a case in which a student made good on that kind of latent threat, offering details that are quite similar to those you've made.

    I am assuming, of course, that you don't bear this man any ill will and that you had not considered that in a professional environment the sort of thing you are proposing to do could come off as a threat. That's why I am trying to the best of my ability to explain it to you. But I really hope you will reconsider.

    On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with waiting until you encounter something related to the class your professor taught and then sending him an email about it along the lines of, "Dear Professor X, I'm Monique Y and I took your Anthropology 351 in the Spring 2015 semester. I was visiting the zoo this weekend and while I was in the ape area I saw a chimpanzee get some of the food left by the zoo staff and give it to a second thing. It reminded me of the lecture you gave on pro-social behaviors and how they help a species survive. You know, I really enjoyed that class and I wanted to thank you for being a great professor. Sincerely, Monique Y." A letter like that would really be appreciated. It could (if he wants) lead to an online relationship between social equals, and if that deepened into a romantic relationship that would be perfectly appropriate.

    So I vote "No," but I also think that there are much better ways of letting him know you're interested and asking whether he is, too.

    Good luck, and I hope you find a partner, whether it is this professor or someone else, who will appreciate you for the wonderful person you are and support you as you go through life.

  • 6 years ago

    Go for it. You only live once and if you don't put yourself out there you miss opportunities any way. Congratulations on graduating! I think highly of you for waiting until you were finished with the class to avoid conflicts of interest. Good luck!

  • 6 years ago

    Perfect! A mature man would respect that, a silly child would act awkward. I like it, your professor is fortunate!

  • Anonymous
    6 years ago

    no it's creepy. You know why he makes eye contact and calls on you in class? For your participation. You know why he smiled at graduation, because he liked you as a student.

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  • 6 years ago

    Only if your a good bagel

  • 6 years ago

    Do it

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