"hope." Unless you're trying for some artistic effect, the H in hope should be capitalized since it is the start of a new line. This problem appears throughout the poem. "Panic, after I refused its help, too," The end of this line (too,) could do without the comma because it chops the line up and the pieces of the phrase get separated. "bid me farewell long ago," The comma after 'ago' can be yanked for the same reason as above. "that it was too hard to care." The period thows this. Either turn it to a comma or get rid of it entirely. "I begged it out of me." That's kid of a sad line, it sounds like you're trying to throw it away and get rid of it. As far as commas go it seems that you're cooma happy and like to throw them in whenever you take a breath while thinking or writing, causing a general overload of the little mark. The rule of thumb is "when in doubt do without." If it doesn't absolutely have to be there then your sentence or line is probably better off without it. The whole mood of these two poems is sad with a taste of regret to them. My favorite lines are "There was a starless night, / frigid, foggy, drunk" It creates some cool imagery and helps to set the mood for the other lines.