Anonymous
Anonymous asked in 社會及文化語言 · 5 years ago

20點!緊急!英文好既唔該幫幫手!!

由於我gpa太差, 依家面臨被踢出校既危機,我寫咗封求情信,可唔可以幫我睇下有咩地方可以寫得好啲等啲prof會更同情我既case而比多次機會我...thx...

To Committees of the Board of Examiners,

I am X, I was put on academic probation but failed to lift the probation at the end of the probated semester.

According to the student handbook 2013/14, my study would be discontinued. But I really want to strive for a last chance.

I admit that my main problem is poor time management. After being admitted to X, I joinned the squash team and from that time, squash was like the main part of my life and I was not paying enough time on my study. When I received the warning letter at the end of the semester 2 of year 1, I knew that I must be hard-working in the next semester, but at the same time, X got a good draw in the inter-school squash competition, which means it is very possible for us to finish in the fifth place, the best result so far. I really want to fight for my school and strive for best result. I trained a lot more and finally we beated X who was in sixth place last year, and we are on our way to the fifth. Therefore, I put only a little time more on studying. At last, I got a minor improvement only to semester GPA 2.00. I am really disappointed and regretful with this result.

Now, I fully understand the meaning of programme GPA and the requirement of X. I promise that I would put all of my efforts and be much more hard-working for my study.

I really hope that you could give me a last chance. I am truly regretful and would change wholeheartedly from now on. At the end of this semester, I would prove that I am worth this chance by showing significant improvement in my results.

Thank you for taking your time and consideration.

Yours faithfully,

XX

4 Answers

Rating
  • Jenkin
    Lv 7
    5 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    先講講封信的結構和觀感。

    單從段落內容已使讀的人感覺你用了大部份"精神"在"解釋"過去的"問題"而不是如你在之後的段落開始時講你"真"understand the meaning of programme gpa...

    所以我會建議你花多些"表達"你如何"fully understand the meaning...",這些制度或機制為何不應該按規定把你"停學",再者你將會"做"的事和決心並沒有講明白(清楚)是甚麼。所以坦白講只是空談。

    至於你用了一大段講的squash比賽的"成果"亦未至"為校增光"或"代表性"至一個水平來補足或增加"人情分"。所以這大段根本是沒有bargainning power(談判或爭取價值)。我會勸你嘗試講清楚你將會怎樣put all your efforts 和 much more ahard work來對應/回應你話你自己的問題是time management;你是否會退出squash team?從另一個角度講,除了科目的功課外,你會否更有效地使用時間做助教來提升自己在學科上的責任和被挑戰要學得比一般人更好...

    大學是培訓青年人在'自由"的環境下管理自己和學會理性選擇及提升解決問題的技能,真要坦白講句在你的信中正正表達你在這些大學教育意義上完全"失落"。

    你可以嘗試策略性地分析補救方案,在你各科中那一科最差或那一科最有興趣最有機會爭取多半個grade或一個grade便可以使GAP多於2.00;向委員會自我推薦會要求自己補做一份paper或要求那科的prof.給你一份可以在一星期完成的習作來爭取多少少分。

    最後講番你的英文:

    當你講故事(以前發生了的事)便用past tense[你那一大段大部份(隨了某字寫錯)都寫得ok],但開始句可以修改I admit that my main problem was poor time management. 便可以從而表達poor time management已經是過去了的事。

    當你講將會改善或應承會做的事的兩段便應該用future tense "will"而不應用would。Would寫成是表達未來行動時是表達「假如我(可能)會做」而不是「我一定會做」的意思。從這信的寫法亦同時看得出你的英文程度尚算ok,能夠組織思維有層次地表述,但文法修辭和用詞情感表達上仍未能用文字議論和說服別人,欠缺按"目標"寫作的意識而只識集中在嘗試"自圓其說"的理念狀態,以為解釋便是理由,未懂得從"讀者"(你的訴說對象)的立場和你想要達到的"目的"上著墨如何現在看得見你在將來要prove的improvement。

    所以這信不是英文的問題。其實英文的錯處反而是"小間題"。所以如此回答你。請珍重和把你所學識的經歷好好發揮。

  • 5 years ago

    Jenkin 對你真好!!!

  • 5 years ago

    Spell check:

    - probationary (adj.)

    - joined (past tense of join)

    - beat (past tense of beat)

    Word choice:

    - spending enough time

    - had to work harder

    - a lot more (than usual)

    - put less time on studying (or, put only a little effort ...)

    Tenses are inconsistent!

  • 5 years ago

    第三段...f?另外寫yours sincerely會比較好.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.