How do I fix my eating disorder?

For about a year, I have been in a vicious cycle of binging/purging and fasting. My weight has gone from a healthy BMI, a little over 18.5 to 16.8. I want to be able to eat healthy and maintain my weight, but no matter how hard I try I can't. I try to fast for days, but when someone offers me food I have to... show more For about a year, I have been in a vicious cycle of binging/purging and fasting. My weight has gone from a healthy BMI, a little over 18.5 to 16.8. I want to be able to eat healthy and maintain my weight, but no matter how hard I try I can't. I try to fast for days, but when someone offers me food I have to say yes or else they'll get suspicious. And once I eat just one thing it leads to a binge, and I always purge after a binge. Sometimes it happens multiple times in a day. But usually I just totally avoid food altogether because it frustrates me. I haven't gotten my period and my hair is coming out in chunks but somehow I still look normal-ish. I hate what I've become and I want to be able to stop binging. How do I stop? I'm to embarrassed to seek real help obviously because I cannot deal with the shame of anyone finding out. If anyone found out I'd probably never leave the house again. I want to be able to get through this on my own, but I don't know where to begin.
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