Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 5 years ago

I recently found out that my girlfriend is asexual. I'm not sure what to do or if there is anything to do in the first place.?

Hi, my name is Smith, and I am a 17 year old guy.

I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half. She is absolutely wonderful and talented and I love her for it. She is bi and I am completely accepting of her sexuality because people can't choose their sexuality- it's just an inevitable feeling that you get around a particular sort of person. (if you have zealous opinions on sexuality I'd prefer that you debate them elsewhere) She has recently told me that she cannot feel sexual arousal/ attraction and is cordially opposed to the very notion of carrying out any sexual actions. I told her it was perfectly fine because (as I discussed earlier) it is not something that she could have decided, and I thanked her for telling me about it as I can imagine it was hard to do so. I, however; am not asexual in the slightest. I have not yet had sex, but it is a thought that periodically instills itself into my mind as a consequence of being a 17 year old male. I would also like to take my relationship beyond just holding hands and having the occasional kiss, but I am morally incapable of carrying out such actions in my current relationship. It seems we have been slowly drifting apart following her dropping out of school (something I tried desperately to talk her out of), but I still love her and she says she loves me. The current state of things has left me conflicted and indecisive to say the least. That is why I have turned to you- the denizens of the internet for advice.

6 Answers

  • 5 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    According to the Urban Dictionary..."An asexual is a person who is not interested in or does not desire sexual activity, either within or outside of a relationship. asexuality is not the same as celibacy, which is the willful decision to not act on sexual feelings. asexuals, while not physically sexual-type folks, are none the less quite capable of loving, affectionate, romantic ties to others."

    I get the feeling that she's BS'ing you!!! She's either bisexual OR asexual...NOT BOTH!!! Do you think that maybe she NO longer wants to have sex with you??? Has she met a girl that she's really liking???

    It might be a change in her hormones causing the problem. There is such a thing a Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT); but that has NOT been proven SAFE for the woman receiving the therapy!!!

    My last hubs had Erectile Dysfunction & we NEVER had sex!!! Instead we found other ways to be intimate!!! IF you love her enough to be able to do that, then there shouldn't be a problem. IF you can't imagine a life with NO sex (other than masturbation) then maybe you should MOVE ON!!!

    • Johanka5 years agoReport

      HRT was proven unsafe for only a narrow population: women more than 10 years post menopausal. Not so for younger women, in fact ALL contraceptive pills are hormone replacement ---and there are millions of women on them. Even menopausal HRT is fine if early menopause.
      Good luck!

  • 5 years ago

    You can't be bisexual and asexual at the same time. She sounds like one of the many people strugging to find out who and what they are. You can either wait this out and see if she changes her decision, or you can move on to someone else. Either way it sounds like you have unmet needs both physically and emotionally. Frankly, for someone who is asexual to expect a committed relationship from someone who is not asexual is not realistic and a bit selfish.

  • 5 years ago

    Then how would she claim to be bi and asexual at the same time? It sounds like low hormones which can be treated. Or if it's not that or she doesn't want to treat it, move on to greener pastures.

    Good luck.

  • shy
    Lv 4
    5 years ago

    Honestly you guys need to either compromise based on each others feelings on the subject, or maybe you should just move on. you sound like you have good head on your shoulders because you respect her feelings and told her to stay in school. My opinion, find a nice girl who stayed in school and will meet your needs mentally and physically.

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  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    She is bi and asexual.

    Thanks for the answers, by the way! I really appreciate it.

    It looks like I have some considering to do...

  • 5 years ago

    so, is she Bi? or asexual?

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