Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Education & ReferenceWords & Wordplay · 7 years ago

Are there grammatical faults and lexical inappropriateness in the following presentation?(No.1)?

Describe a family business that you are familiar with.

There’s a shop near my apartment. It’s a small, home run convenience store. I go there on most days to pick up a few things. I remember that my next door neighbor recommended it to me when I moved in. Everyone in my area knows this little store and speaks highly of it, so most of the customers of this store are the people in my neighborhood.

There’s a window display where you can see some of the things they sell. This is mostly food and snacks such as chocolate bars, beverages and instant noodles. There is not a large variety of things because it’s only a small shop compared to other places like supermarkets, but they have all the basic essentials that you need for daily life.

I like shopping at this store because it’s nearby. Sometime it’s a big hassle to walk around a huge and sprawling department store or shopping center when I only want to buy one or two items. This store has everything I need and lots of things I like, so it’s actually convenient.

This family-owned store is very popular and successful also because of the low price and the top-notch customer service. They are very amicable and they always assist us with any enquiries and recommend the most suitable commodities to us. I think it’s nice to go shopping at a place where you can have a conversation with the owner.

Anyway, it’s a lovely family run store and it offers a fantastic shopping experience. I like going shopping there very much.

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    7 years ago
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    Sure. One of the most important aspects of writing is story development. That means the sentences flow with thoughts and paragraphs are developed for that purpose. The experience authors know how to do this after years and years of writing, editing, polishing, learning expressions and knowing where to place them. Complex sentences have a place in writing so as to avoid "choppiness" or stop/start syndrome. I shall illustrate. Remember, words paint a visual image in readers.

    "There is this small shop, a convenience store, near my apartment. Most of the customers are residents of the neighborhood shop there each day and it is like a gathering place, a place to speak with each other. In the fabric of a city, such gathering places tend to both a social gathering place than a store, a source of needed items."

    You have written words, descriptive words but it reads in section as in describing the place with no emotional or visual connections. You need to connect more with people.

    Many, many years ago, the host of the CBS news acclaimed TV show, Sunday Morning, was Charles Kuralt. A truly exceptional voice, not too remarkable of an appearance but how he could present a story was super. You can find him online. He died years ago. In one memorable, almost poetic piece, Mr. Kuralt wrote and presented a beautiful composition of one tree by the side of a road high in the Colorado plateau. He spoke of this tree as a guardian, a pioneer, a survivor, a strong living thing against the solitude of his environment and the ravages of wind, weather and age. One current superior writer is Malcolm Gladwell. All of his books have been Best Sellers. He is on YouTube and has a website. He is a wordsmith and amateur psychologist, social studies expert and super researcher. This man does not compose anything until his has hundreds or more reference material in his head. I think you are on the right track but you need to define what you wish to say as to this store. It is about the store or how it makes you feel welcomed and part of the structure of the area., much like in the TV show, Cheers, a place where they know your name? Be aware that the term "so" needs to be avoided. Kind of teenager expression. The same with "anyway." Write and rewrite perhaps as to the relationship of the customers, the neighbors and this store. Perhaps how it made you feel welcomed as a new resident. Perhaps about the people. Oh, you need to grab the dictionary and learn the difference between "enquirer" and "inquire.'

    Writing is not easy. It is more than English grammar and syntax. It is a visual story. It takes effort and time an editing and formalizing more that what to say but also as to how. The list of books by Gladwell is not many. Just Google his name. I recommend you read one or more just to see how he does it. It is a high standard but why not learn from the best? You have a great story and material. It is how it is presented that need polishing. Best wishes and good luck.

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