Is this a wedding snub?
I am my husbands second wife. He is an 81 year old widower and I am 63. We have been married for 23 years.
His grandson who is about 25 years old is getting married. The wedding invitation read to (My husbands name and guest). Should I feel snubbed because they didn't mention my name or even say "wife"?
I know I'm not the grandson's real grandmother, but I expected better than "guest" Am I wrong? How should I handle this graciously? I am thinking about not even going.
- KellyLv 76 years agoFavorite Answer
It should have been addressed to Mr and Mrs John Smith. It may have just been an oversight or a lack of etiquiette knowledge. I'm going with bad etiquette on their part people for the most part don't go out of their way to inentionally offend their grandparents.
Most couples have a few flubs with with invites. It could have also been something as small as he didn't fill out he card and the bride didn't know your name. Still rude but well again, what's done is done. I made a few mistakes on my husbands side of the invites which was just pure lack of knowledge of all of his guests marital situations or their spouses names.
My brothers wedding for my grandpa and his wife (also the 2nd wife, not our real grandma) my brothers wife put Mr Robert veryverylonglonglast name instead of Mr and Mrs Robert veryverylonglonglast name on the outer envelope and used a label instead of writing it so my grandpa mistakenly assumed his wife wasn't invited (she was) so he was going to decline if she wasn't welcome. The issue was his last name is very long and Mr and Mrs along with their last name just didn't fit on the label. So in their case it really was just a misunderstanding and bad addressing etiquette.
Just reply to the invite.
There's no need to not attend or also be rude in your reply to them.
- MessykattLv 76 years ago
Nah, a snub would be if you weren't included at all.
Of course, this was careless and kind of stupid, but one thing to remember is that your grandson probably wasn't helping with invites. The bride generally does these, and often gets help from her bridesmaids. There's a lot of ways something can get "lost in translation" when this happens.
Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it (unless there's some backstory you didn't mention that leads you to believe this was intentional. In that case, yes it's a snub, and it's both immature and rude). But even so, there's just nothing you can do about it without making you look worse than them.
- BeatriceBattenLv 76 years ago
There's no point in speculating about this, because you will just drive yourself nuts.
It may very well be some sort of snub. But it's likely just a careless oversight. Some people just don't pay attention to wedding etiquette.
If your husband's grandson otherwise treats you nicely, then there's no need to boycott the wedding simply because your name wasn't on the invitation. It just makes you immature and petty.
It's proper etiquette to address both members of an established couple by their actual name, whether the host personally knows/likes the partner or not. "And Guest" is reserved for an instance where a single person is allowed to bring a guest of their choice.
- RosalieLv 76 years ago
I would bet donuts to dollars they haven't a clue - kids these days apparently aren't exposed to nay etiquette rules whatsoever. At their age, they can tell you how to rig a cell phone to do the laundry, but if they had to write a thank you note, they'd look at you like deer in the headlights.
Respond with your full names, and go happily as if you were asked properly in the first place. Life is too short to be thinking of all the evil conspiracies that could have produced this.
They made a mistake - and while we're at it, so have you. Your husband is no longer a widower if his wife is alive.
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- Halo MomLv 76 years ago
It should of said Mr and Mrs.
But they are 25 year old.
I wrote both side of the family invitations out, your grandson might had nothing to do with that. I made a few mistakes, his mother told me about. It could be just an mistake by his bride.
- krissylynLv 76 years ago
It should have said your name, of course. But why pick a fight? Maybe the bride or the bride's mother addressed them and just didn't know. At 63, I'm surprised you'd be so petty - turn the other cheek and be nice.
- BlessedLv 76 years ago
the guy was 2 years old when you married his grandfather.
So I would think that either his parents brainwashed him into thinking you were a bad person or
you and your hubby did not associate with the guy very much while he was growing up like taking just him'
on outings or him staying overnight or for a weekend.
Since he is grown now, it is time that he got to know you and your husband.
Send back the rsvp with Mr. and Mrs His Name will be joining you on this special day.
Give a gift or a card with money in it, but not as much as you would normally give. This way at the wedding when you compliment him on everything as you smile and act as if nothing is wrong, he will see that you are a grand person and not petty like he or his parents are.
- Anonymous6 years ago
I vote for clueless couple/bride.
Grandson *should* know that his grandfather is married: he was married to you when grandson was two, by my math. You're the only Grandmother he knows, if he knows you at all.
*You* don't know exactly how old this young man is. I'm going to guess the family isn't close geographically or emotionally. You don't mention any fondness or lack thereof for the happy couple - have you even ever met him or them?
I'm sure your husband can write a reply that reads "Mr and Mrs. Grandfather accept with pleasure" or something along those lines.
- FaithLv 66 years ago
Fact one: yes it was rude
Fact Two: you said a male and groom so therefore he probably didn't fact check or anything and bride didn't think twice about it or whoever wrote invites.
Fact Three: Return RSVP with all correct names written.
Potential Fact: feel snubbed if you want but not worth the time and energy. Buy a nice card and attend. Be nice to family and that's that. If he wants to be rude to you then that's his problem and not yours.
- RicardoLv 66 years ago
You handle it graciously by having your husband respond "Mr and Mrs Abe and Sophie Horowitz will glad attend". Obviously substitute your names for the ones I used.
Who knows why he did this or if he even wrote the invitations. Maybe his mother sent the guest list to the bride and he just did not check or care. But don't make a big deal of this. Probably your husbands child is afraid your husbands assets will go to you at his death and then to your children when you pass on and they will lose out on an inheritance. This is an issue that divides families when grandparents remarry.
But be gracious and include your name on the response and maybe they will get it right on the place settings.