Boyfriend told me he needs space?

My boyfriend of two years basically told me he needs space. He says that he is scared that this relationship is end in failure or somebody will wind up get hurt. I asked him did any of this reflect back to another girl or something. He promised me it didn't. I consider him my best friend. He told me he not going anywhere just need time to clear his head and that he still loves me. I feel if he still loves me then he should not let this fear get in the way of our relationship. I'm offended because I feel like he is hiding although he claims to had told me everything. If he hasn't did anything then why the space?

2 Answers

  • 6 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    If a man asks you for space, give him space. Period. He is doing something good, he is communicating to you an issue in the relationship and proposing a solution. I promise you, if you want to make the problem worse, reject his request and keep pressing him. All that will do is aggravate the same problem he told you about and indicate to him that you either do not listen to/care about/ or understand his issue, all of which are REALLY good motivations for him to solve said problem by breaking up with you.

    Maybe he's not sure about you guys and needs to see how he feels with a little more freedom or time to himself, which is normal. You need to be careful in relationships not to lose who you are and just mold amorphically into each other, losing the individual traits that made you attractive to the other, and slipping up in that way is super super easy. It's happened to me more than once. When I asked for more space I just didn't want to have to dictate that I was going to go play basketball after work, I didn't want to be thinking, "Well, I have 35 minutes before I have to call her and tell her where I am or that I'm coming back, I'm worried if I say I want to stay longer she'll take it personally that I don't want to spend time with her". That can be exhausting. If he recognizes that is an issue then you need to listen to him, support him, and ask how you can help and be open to the suggestions, if you react negatively he will stop telling you his issues, start sneaking around for stupid stuff (like to go play soccer with his buddies, go for a relaxing drive, just hanging out in his room listening to music, etc.) and that isn't good for the relationship. The alternative is that he sees that the relationship is dysfunctional for his needs and decides to leave.

    Realistically, the relationship might be in trouble, maybe it will end, I don't know, neither do you, neither does he. The one way to make sure it does, however, is to be hostile about his request and/or to ignore it.

    This doesn't mean it's specifically your fault or you've been bad or anything, it just means that because of who he is, he needs something that he's not getting right now, so when he's ready to talk about it ask what you guys can change to make him happy and support it. If what he needs isn't okay with you, then you probably shouldn't be in the relationship with him. It's all about compromise, knowing what he wants and can give vs what you want and can give.

    Guys, in general, need more "me" time than girls from what I've seen. It's not bad, it's normal, and not something to get upset about. Try to work with him and don't get upset, that will just push him away and shoot yourself in the foot.

    Good luck!

  • Anonymous
    6 years ago

    Well I don't know about your actions around him but if you're constantly hanging around him and always with him or want to always be around him then that can get a little much. It's good to be around the person you're in a relationship with but taking that to an extreme is never good. Plus, I'm not sure if any of this is true either but something might have happened in his life that he isn't talking about and just needs some time to think on that.

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