My husband doesn't keep his word and doesn't care about my feelings, am I unreasonable?

It doesn't matter if it is something big or small, he just says what I want to hear then does what ever he wants. Just a few examples. I ask him nicely to take out the garbage, he says yes. An hour later I ask him again he says yes. A half an hour later I ask him when and he says during the commercial. This will go on until the next day when I take it out because he obviously wont. I tell him his spending has gotten out of control. He spends at least $200 a month on shopping channels and more on other things. I ask him every month to tone it down, he says every month yes but never does. I BEGGED him not to stand me up at my brothers wedding and he promises he will be there. He doesn't show up causing me pain and embarrassment. He just shrugged and said he fell asleep. He couldn't care less that I was upset, he blocked it out. I asked him to pick me up from work, he says yes. Two hours after work I am calling people for a ride because he never shows or answers my calls. He said because he was watching a made for TV movie and it's not on all the time for him to finish. I told him he could have recorded the rest and watched after he picks me up but he ignores that comment. I can go on and on. I always believed divorce is wrong unless extreme abuse and I think he feels I am such a sure thing he doesn't need to keep his word. I am so sick of this and I want to break the cycle. Is it possible I can do something to make him keep his word or impossible? Advice?


Nathalia if I cry he doesn't respond or even notice. I told him he was wrong not to pick me up and he says "I WAS WATCHING A MOVIE!" Like it is the most reasonable excuse in the world and I am being unreasonable and witchy. I tell him he is unreliable and he says not to rely on him. I tell him I don't trust him he says he doesn't want to be trusted and why is my happiness so dependent on him?

Update 2:

Raymond I go out of my way to make sure I don't nag him because if you nag him he will do just the opposite to spite me. And I got news for you I am not his mama. He needs to help around the house, I am not his maid. And I should be able to rely on him to pick me up. I have friends, plenty of them. If he can't hold up his end of things it isn't a marriage, its a mother son relationship. You sound like a little boy.

Update 3:

Then let me mention I work about 10 hours more per week than he does, earn more money and do about 90% of the housework. And I ask him nicely and say please when I want him to do something. Why should I be his maid? He can contribute to our lives, not just me. Besides if my boss at work told me to do something (and I say tell because he never asks) and I didn't do it I would get fired. He has had problems staying employed because he doesn't like the way his bosses talk to him.

10 Answers

  • ???
    Lv 7
    7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    This is an angry man who doesn't want to leave his marriage but desperately wants things to change. He's trying to force you to leave him ... but if he wanted that, he would walk out the door. Chances are there is something really hurting him that he's either embarrassed or afraid to talk about.

    Lack of sex, too many bills, too many kids, etc etc ... there could be any number of reasons. Passive-aggression is both poor coping and emotional abuse. The easiest way to fix it is by being upfront and unemotional.

    So here is what you do... you say, "I can tell something is really weighing on your mind. I wish you would just talk to me instead of punishing me for it with these annoyances. I love you, so you can trust me to help fix it no matter what it is."

    He is going to deny, deny, deny and come up with a million and one ridiculous excuses. Stick to the facts. "We both know that's not true. You're more reasonable than that. I'll be hear if you need to talk, but please stop sabotaging our marriage like this."

    Also, when he does something to hurt you, react in a way that takes away the pay off. He doesn't pick you up from work? Take a cab home and ask him whether he wants you to start paying for a cab every night or taking the car. Those are the only available options now since he's proven he won't be reliable. He'll get angry and tell you that you're being ridiculous and try to start a fight but just make the choice for him if he won't. He will be inconvenienced long-term which gives him a reason to stop doing these kinds of things.

    Stop asking for help on little things for now. Just accept its not going to happen. Read up on John Gray's method for getting help once your husband is acting less PA.

    And do squarely address it the next time he hurts your feelings. "How did you become such a coward? You'd rather torture someone for years than have one tough discussion? Well, I'm over this. Whatever you hoped to gain, you're not getting." Then detach.

    IF he does talk to you though, be prepared to shut your face and think before you respond. Even if what he says is crazy and wrong, you need to spend some time looking at it from his point of view. It may be a make it or break it issue.

    Good luck.

  • 4 years ago


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  • 5 years ago

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    My husband doesn't keep his word and doesn't care about my feelings, am I unreasonable?

    It doesn't matter if it is something big or small, he just says what I want to hear then does what ever he wants. Just a few examples. I ask him nicely to take out the garbage, he says yes. An hour later I ask him again he says yes. A half an hour later I ask him when and he says during the...

    Source(s): husband doesn 39 word doesn 39 care feelings unreasonable:
  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    He sure does not sound like he wants to be married. Sounds like he might want to be single.

    But the trash thing is Nagging. First, you should never tell him to do anything. Your not his Mom. And second, you should only mention something once...not once an hour. Again, that is what a mom would do.

    And you do seem a bit needy. Are you asking him to always be there for you 24/7? That is a bit much. It is ok to have friends do things for you...even if your married.

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  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    I def understand your story,I too married my highschool sweetheart and come from a dysfunctional family who luvs to use and abuse..well after years of going back and forth with my family in the end i cut all ties and am finally free..Your husband loves you and although he takes everything like if the world is have to put yourself in his shoes too..most of his life he has seen the wicked side of them and they have broken the Trust there and so now he wants nothing to do with them..But you do and i know why they r your family and deep down you prob think u can save them and change them..Trust me i know..everytime i went back when they would call me for help..i would say this time we can make it and everytime i came out worse than before..I hope your family really has changed and in time you will find out that answer and if they did then Amen..make it work and deal with them and your hubby gently..but if they begin showing their true colors again,you may have to decide Do you really want to go thru this your entire life? Just because they r family doesnt always mean they r good for You..If you Cry more than you Laugh with them,its time to Leave!!! Try and be easy with hubby,he is the one who has never failed you and he is the one who supports you in everything and he is the one that has your back..God gave him to you,so make that work..and try to understand your hubby has closed the case on them because of years of pain..the problem is YOU havent...good luck and take care!

  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    Look if I were you I would confront him. I would say what you said in this paragraph and that its annoying you and you are ashamed. He said he would pick you up but he didn't that is just way off, tell him that. Like really tell him in his face, you guys are married you need to work things through. If that doesn't work you may want to look into it. (maybe if you cry it would hit a nerve)

  • B
    Lv 7
    7 years ago

    try doing the stuff you want him to do, and keep quiet. don't ask him for any thing. period.

    if you can't tolerate it after about 30 days, walk out with your bags

  • 7 years ago

    Why are you still with him? It's just like your alone. If you were alone, you could find someone to keep company with. File for divorce.

  • Tina
    Lv 7
    7 years ago

    It's not hard to see that he will never be able to change him. It doesn't seem to bother him how he makes you feel. The only thing that you can do is to accept him the way he is or, leave him.

  • Joe
    Lv 4
    7 years ago

    he wwrong. diovrce him becaus e he lazy.

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