What's Wrong With My Daughter?
My daughter is sixteen years old but she shuts herself up in her room and doesn't come out unless she's hungry or she needs to do her chores. I get to talk with her seldom and when I do she only talks about her YouTube Channel (I feel that this YouTube Channel is a waste of time...) and when I try to talk to her about getting more involved with the family she says that we never talk to her or that we only criticize her. I don't think that's true. At least for me, I only talk to her about how she should dress more like a girl (she usually wears dress shirts and slacks like her older brother). Or when she sings along with her music I give her a look when she flats because I know she can sing better (she's gone into the Minnesota State Honor Choir twice now) and she usually gets angry, tells me that she's not performing then stops singing.
I've also noticed a change in what she does everyday. She used to sing so much and enjoy choir (she'd even sing in the shower). But now, after being in ACDA Honor choir and her school's a capella group, she's stopped. Occasionally she'll sing one song but her voice tails off... (she had such a beautiful voice). Also, she's been going for hour long walks alone so I have the neighbors keep an eye out for her to make sure she's safe and they say that she looks angry or that she doesn't smile like she used to. And she's also been pushing away her friends. Just a few weeks ago she got into a fight with her best friend and now refuses to make up.
I've tried asking her if she wants to see a therapist but she replies harshly about how she hates doctors and doesn't need one...
What is wrong with my daughter?
- Anonymous6 years agoFavorite Answer
These problems are normal for someone that age to be going through. She isn't interested in choir anymore because her hobbies have shifted to her YouTube channel. That is not a problem that a therapist should be involved in. Have you ever watched her You tube stuff? Maybe she's getting a lot of online support that she doesn't feel like she's getting at home.
To me it seems like you want her to do choir, you want her to dress girly, you want her to be more involved with family. Unfortunately for you, the more you try to 'fix' her, the more distant she'll be. If she was doing things that involved hanging around the wrong crowd, drugs, or something of that magnitude you should do something. But it seems like all of the things she is doing just makes you mad, they aren't really self destructive behaviors or anything to worry about too much.
- 6 years ago
First of all I've been there got the t-shirt. She's only sixteen and has a whole life ahead of her! First of all some of those comments are actually quite impactful to a young mind especially coming from her own mother. To be honest you should be less concerned with what she is wearing as long as she's not dressing provocatively aka what's the point of wearing a bra if it looks like you don't have one on anyways. As long as she's happy and comfortable with wearing the clothes she is in than there is nothing to worry about from what you said. And yes you are obviously very proud of your daughter and her musical talents but instead of giving her a weird look when she makes a flat note, laugh and sing along with her! She seems like she is under a lot of pressure and needs more fun time at home so don't ask about school or choir much n just go with the flow and be goofy? Maybe some kids are being mean and picking on her, even if they are she may not tell you because its a sensitive subject. And the other thing is that mentioning a therapist is one of the hardest things on a kid. Granted your not trying to make things worse for her but coming from personal experience it can make you feel worse because you think that your the problem when the reality is other people. The best thing would be give her plenty of space and tell her you love her and just be fun when she seems to be upset c:Source(s): Being that same teenage girl and having that almost same exact loving mom c: Good luck!
- MasonLv 46 years ago
Nothing is wrong with your daughter. If anything, something is wrong with you. Its clear that she has changed interests from singing to youtube (Which isnt a waste of time, people have made millions/sustainable incomes of youtube). Another thing is, ask her if she is an introvert or extrovert. If she says introvert, that will probably explain alot of this.
I am an introvert, and all I (basically) do is just use the computer, stay at home, get out of my room to eat, or maybe go somewhere do to a hobby like playing guitar or shooting guns.
- 6 years ago
One bit of advice I have for you is to learn more about her interests. If she only talks about her youtube channel, learn more about it. At least she'll be talking to you. She's a teen and her priorities may be very different from yours, but it's your job as a parent to get to know her.
Don't push her on the singing. Voices often change during puberty (in both boys and girls). She'll be a lot more likely to continue pursuing singing if she's not pushed to do it.
It sounds like she's just a normal teenage girl with crazy hormones that she can't control. In a few years she'll be normal again.
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- Anonymous6 years ago
These are normal issues and hopefully she will grow out of them. She probably just got tired of singing. As for friends, someone probably did something to hurt her and there for, if she doesn't want to make up with her friend than you shouldn't force it upon her. Same goes for the doctor, she will began to rebel if you make her see a doctor because all a doctor is going to do is tell her that she's crazy and she's not. Than you wound up spending hundreds of dollars on prescriptions for no reason. She'll hate you for that.
That said, she's really just seeking out for "who she is' she's trying to find her self and this is the way of doing it. Also, YouTube channels are not a waste of time. If she's making video's most likely its for a good cause and she can end up working for YouTube one day and making lots of money from it. I know a girl "Meghan Mackey" she has a channel for advice on Cheer and she's extremely good and everyone loves her.
- 6 years ago
sounds like she is just being sixteen! as far as how she dresses, as long as it isn't offensive or shows off too much, then let her dress the way she wants. she might just be trying to figure out her own style. DO NOT criticize her singing! It was something that i used to enjoy so much but my own mother was constantly criticizing me and i ended up losing all joy that used to come from singing just to have fun. she doesn't have to sing really well, try singing along with her or smiling instead of giving her that look! to her it might mean that you don't enjoy her voice and you want her to be quiet, so you can imagine how frustrating it is for her to have you give her that look and then turn around and say that she doesn't sing enough. as far as family stuff, force her to go. you are her mother. and it is a good idea to keep tabs on where she is, but don't overdo it. she might start to learn that you don't trust her which is also really frustrating for a kid/teen
- 6 years ago
I work with teenagers. It could be that she is a teen seeking her own identity. It could be drugs. You could ask her but chances are she won't say something. You could spy on her (don't do that) like you all ready are, or...or...a novel idea. Build up a relationship with her. Some trust, some understanding. Ya you want the best for her. Is telling her, reminding her, harping on her worth her stop doing it. Encourage her and support her. Being a parent is tough. Being the kid can be tougher. Think about when your parents rode you, did it help?
And Erin above me is on top of it!
- SukhmanLv 46 years ago
Wow. You seem very judgmental.