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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in HealthMental Health · 7 years ago

help a neighbor out (depression)?

Now I've done my studying on depression,

More in depth over the past year than any time else because it's been a dominating force in my life the last 3years.

Last year around this time it went from tolerable to severely crippling, my relationship with my boyfriend(which I may add was toxic anyways and we both were very promiscupus) ended my relationships with friends family ect fell apart in front of my eyes 2

The funny part was I honestly couldn't give 2 sh*ts at the time, my work was suffering due to my anxiety which also become hard to put in check. 

Before summer my depression took a turn for the worst, I became extremely isolated became guilty about things that people don't usually feel symptoms of guilt about.

It didn't particularly help that my friends and family (including myself) didn't know what was going on either. 

 so I was getting **** from all angles which "solidified" the fact that what I was thinking was true and that I'm worthless at the time. 

Tbh I stopped showering, changing my clothes, brushing my hair n teeth but anyways.. This is where my thoughts about bipolar comes in. 

My guilt turned into paranoia and before you kno it I became completely psychotic. Like real life looney bin cray, like jack nicholson the shining crazy, like I dropped my mental in diagon alley n I can't seem 2 find it crazy k I'm finished. 

I'm just going to skim here because it is embarrassing so here goes. 

I thought the illuminati was watching me and reading my notes on my phone (weird I kno) so me being the next illuminati member in the making would write these elaborate messages like I knew so much which.. isn't entirely true haha, I started to obsess over death

Good ex I can kinna remember was for some reason I spent like 3hrs writing suicide on a piece of paper until it was covered in led,writing poems that were soo morbid, just all around bad times. 

After being sleep deprived, hitting my lowest low, and pretty damn certifiable I went to my doctor in hysterics, did the thing and left with a months worth of citalopram and ten days worth of anti anxiety mess which  I can't recall the name right now but yeah. 

So it was a waiting game., I stopped drinking (I'm a heavy drinker) and kept on my pills for the first two weeks nothing drastic except the fact I wasn't phycotic so I kept on it.

The third week I was CURED wow I felt ******* great. I had so much energy on barely any sleep I was so at peace and everything just made perfect sense, I was aligned for the first time in a long time. Tybg I was centered again. I made time for my family and friends again 

( oh, I was caring for myself hygenically 2 btw lol)

My dark days were over and getting another months prescription wasn't needed now, I was CURED of coarse. 

 I felt GREAT. So I stopped n I was good for a couple months. Sadly, I was slowly getting g more and more familiar with that empty feeling. 

Around October it got pretty bad again so I went back to mr doc's and he gave me a months cipralex n no anxiety pills because little boys and girls are using them to get high or whatever so people who actually have anxiety and end up in the fetal position or ready to burn a hole in the ground from rapid pacing or ready to release it through a couple holes in the wall. 

The AD didn't work this time so November I asked for my old prescription, I told him this time about my psychotic episode over the summer (at this point I didnt want to go back to that dark place) he just filled the prescription n that was it... for real right now?

He didn't ask any questions after I told him I went mental many moons ago lol.. ok. 

Anyways the pills didn't work either and now I'm above moderately depressed, starting to isolate, and have been numb for over 4months, the pills don't work anymore and I'm finding temporary peace in alcohol almost 3-4 days a week. Which impairs my thinking.

SIDENOTE:

out of curiosity are there any others who hate the dance you do before you're about to spiral into depression? I'd much rather be in the darkest of places because it's almost familiar, it's like you're used to the pain and it kind of feels good remembering you still feel? I ******* hate being in limbo more than anything. 

I'm depressed, yes. It could also be something different idk but  to finish this bad boy off the doctors don't give no f*cks. I'm just a 21 year old woman who is sick of having the life sucked out of her.

Thanks for taking the time to read this scripture of a yahoo "?"

2 Answers

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  • ?
    Lv 6
    7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    You need a new doctor and a new treatment program. It's impossible to diagnose someone online. From my experience, though, with what we call dual-diagnosis, that's what you sound like to me. I'm guessing that you're bipolar with psychotic features and you have alcohol dependency.

    Yes, I know that you quit drinking for a few weeks. You also went back to it--your brain cells were clamoring for it (not because you're weak). Three weeks is about right for the Citalopram to kick in. I know because I've taken it. Personally, I prefer Escitalopram and can get it now because it's generic. Anyway, your reaction that you were cured is exactly what bipolars think and then they go off their meds just like you did. And they experience just what you did afterwards.

    Please find a treatment center for addiction that also works with people with psychiatric disorders. They should be the ones best qualified to work with all your medical and psychological needs. Yes, the spiral down is awful. You can find permanent relief, solutions that really work and an alcohol-free life. Best wishes for your quest for peace.

    Source(s): semi-retired counselor
  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    You are smart to reach out for help! So sorry you are dealing with so much emotional pain that you are considering taking your own life. Your pain is obviously great, but suicide is never the answer, no matter what you are going through! Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You are too valuable to give up on yourself. There is help available!

    Please seek the support of a parent, school counselor, teacher, coach, or minister. You are not alone. If you need to talk to someone right away, and find it difficult to do so, a great place to start is to call a Crisis Hotline. Many Hotlines are available, 24/7 and have caring counselors who will not judge you.

    AG, Counselor

    Source(s): A Crisis Line: The Boys Town National Hotline ... 1+800-448-3000 ... yourlifeyourvoice.org
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