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english composition

大家好啊,我作左一個composition,希望大家可以用少少時間睇下我篇文,俾啲評語啦。但係由於Yahoo知識字數所限,我擺唔晒成篇文上來,所以擺左去個blogger度,只要大家係blogger留左言之後,係度俾個done我,就ok嫁啦。'

http://itismyparadise100.blogspot.hk/2014/02/home-...

不過可惜最多只係俾到20點大家,真係唔好意思啦

1 Answer

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  • 7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Cus there is words limit here, so, I will identified the problem with each line here.Plus I don't like to use blogger.

    ** Only mention the part that I correct, other parts did not appear here should be ok

    Change officers to workers please

    1st para: While home office is getting more popular in Hong Kong, some people might argue that home office has some problems.

    2nd para: Working without any pressure must be major element of home office to workers. Unlike working in offices, the officers won’t be facing their bosses directly.

    3rd para:Saving unnecessary steps can be another contribution factor to the increase of home office. .......... Working at home helps eliminate these meaningless steps ,and time spent on transportation is the same principle; it’s also a waste of time

    4th para: As home office has a lot of advantages, but it has a downside as well, the communication between workers can be a major problem. Since workers in home office will be facing their computer for most of the time, so, they will be using emails to communicate at most cases. However, we are living in a a human society, and most businesses required their employees to talk and present well. Therefore, home office would not be a good idea for those jobs required a lot of presentation. Additionally, home office is quite popular in foreign countries for IT, webmaster or online based jobs. Thus, there is no reason to let home office to spread into every sector of a firm.

    5th para: This is not a disadvantage, the idea can be reword.

    6th para:You did not really reflect your own ideas, you were only saying some pros and cons. Try to mention or integrate some "personal ideas" into the essay. Make it a semi-formal essay should be ok. Or formal is fine as well.

    (I might have some grammar errors for 4th para)

    Source(s): Personal Experience(Current student at University of Toronto)
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