請英文高手幫我檢查英文心得!!(20點)

請幫我檢查以下心得是否有拼字錯誤或不符文法、格式的地方~~

如果有「中式英文」的地方敬請指正!

也請麻煩幫忙翻譯一下中文字的部份。

The Panem,a autocratic country which locates on North America, is composed by a shining Capitol and twelve outlying districts. Attending to keep their political power ,the Capitol hold the annual Hunger Games to warn the people living in twelve districts not to rebel .

The Hunger Games is a survival game which broadcasts on live TV. Each district will send one boy and one girl to the Game, and they must fight to death until there is only one survivor.Katniss Everdeen, a sixteen-year-old girl from Distric Twelve, volunteered to take her sister’s place in the Games just because she wanted to protect her sister.

The night before the Hunger Games, Peeta, a boy from Distric Twelve who also came to the Games, told Katniss what he felt about the Hunger Games.

“I don’t know how to say it exactly. Only…I want to die as myself.”

“I don’t want them to change me in there. Turn me into some kind of monster that I’m not.”

“Only I keep wishing I could think of a way to…to show the Capitol they don’t own me. That I’m more than just a piece in their Games.” says Peeta.

“But you’re not,” Katniss say.“None of us are.That’s how the Games work.”

That’s how the Games work;That’s how the rules work. As a senior high school student,we live in this society which is regulated by rules.Some of the rules are established because the government have to maintain the good order;some of those are the tradition which continued be used until nowadays.We will unaware according to these society rules and others’ expectation to deal with problems.Although these rules are not like the cruel rules in the Hunger Games, indeed in some ways we live under the unfair and unreasonable society system.Should we chose to be obedient to these rules or do what we want?What if we try to challenge this situation?

Update:

To strive for the fund of the Capitol’s influential officials,Katniss and Peeta had to act like couple who fell in love at first sight during the Hunger Games.They had to play “the lover of sadness” in order to catch influential officials’s sight and compassion.

Update 2:

Every time they 演出一段親密的行為,the little sliver parachute will bring them goods and materials which they need.

The Panem,a autocratic country which locates on North America, is composed by a shining Capitol and twelve outlying districts.

Update 3:

Attending to keep their political power ,the Capitol hold the annual Hunger Games to warn the people living in twelve districts not to rebel .

To lead great life in this society,sometimes we can not help playing the role which comes up to others exceptation.

Update 4:

When we act like the “role” ,we will get others’admirable vision and rich reward.

As time goes by,we gradually forgot who we are;who we really want to be.We don’t want to find out the truth because we have already received the adventage of following the rules.

Update 5:

While Katniss followed the rules,she made the Capitol surprise. Katniss form an alliance with the girl named Rue from District Eleven.When Rue died,Katniss sang to her and covered her with flowers.This rebellious action made the Capitol resentful.

Update 6:

Moreover, Katniss and Peeta decide to eat the poisonous berries at the end of the Hunger Games in order to make it 沒有贏家的. Katniss not only 做出違反都城的舉動in the Games ,but also tried to finish up the system of the Hunger Games.

Update 7:

Eventually, Katniss and Peeta broke the tradition that there is only one victor. The Capitol let both of them went home.Although they are alive, Katniss and Peeta have to act like couple in Distric Twelve in the rest of their life.

Update 8:

Maybe reform the old system will be punished by the government;be pushed out from the society.Maybe it will fail,and you must take the consequence yourself.But we must start the reformation.Because there is no short cuts.

Update 9:

Better future needs our effort.Although Katniss have to sacrifice a lot,she successfully made the Games “different”. It is Katniss that plant the sceed of revolution in people’s heart.Every small step that we make for the society will be an important part of the big move.

Update 10:

如果能建議我「哪些地方用更好的單字或片語代換」會更好!!

我知道看起來真的很多,但大約只有600~700字...

希望強者能幫我改一下,感激不盡!!!!!!>

1 Answer

Rating
  • 6 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    不好意思

    你要不要自己先檢查一下

    注意一下有很多基本的錯誤

    A,像 the Capitol 和 Katniss 都是三單

    你用現在式後面動詞就要加s

    B,名詞前面要用an還是a, 判斷清楚再寫

    C,還有時態用法上不對

    描述制度和常態的就用現在式

    要描述遊戲裡發生的是和whatever Katniss 做過的事,決定的,想的,就用過去式

    D,動詞和動詞不可以直接連再一起

    E,英文作文格式上,逗號句號後面空一格再接字

    每一段前面空5格

    高中生自己應該判斷得出來, 這裡就不逐一指出

    請仔細一點

    Maybe reform the old system will be punished by the government;be pushed out from the society.Maybe it will fail,and you must take the consequence yourself.But we must start the reformation.Because there is no short cuts.

    這段重寫,完全沒辦法傳達意思,前面兩句沒主詞,最後兩句可以連再一起,把because換掉

    ps, 而且他們好像不是每做出親密舉動就有東西可以拿哦!

    Source(s): 我英文系
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