Kylie W asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 7 years ago

would you please give some constructive criticism?

Remorseless Waters

Salt filled air bites at my senses

as water from above

and below

intertwine,

woven together

in intense immersion with

an imminent addition

to the ocean's continuing collection

of structures,

made of the forests' dead

and

interlacing spines

from branches

given no chance to reach up,

to grow.

Now only to be resting

miles below their home,

standing meekly against the current

of the deep,

rather than the breeze.

Saturated skies echo sadness

from the sea,

while man's eye only grazed

upon the shore

before

remorseless waters' waves

tumble and pull to

underwater graves.

But still,

the sharp coldness of

the evening sky's drippings

set free the day's warm,

dense remnants

of sun clinging to air.

The mist dissolves

and the waves rest.

2 Answers

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  • Maria
    Lv 7
    7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I'm not qualified to critique, but I really like it. I live in New Orleans, and much of it correlates to Hurricane Katrina.

  • 7 years ago

    Wonderful. You give the ocean a disturbing conscious. It makes me want to lose myself in it.

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