Erica
Lv 4
Erica asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 6 years ago

Not sure I should folliw my daughter's demands for this..?

Okay, so right before CHRISTMAS I exploded on my older daughter, calling her a self centered brat. I never yell at this sweet, loving, perfect child, but I lost it. Immediately after I begged forgiveness. She then stated there were things she wanted for her to ever forgive me. 1 was extra presents at Christmas. The second was to leave her younger sister (7) out of the family portraits we get done every year. However, she came to me and my husband last night and said her final wish is that we don't celebrate her sister's 8th birthday, since she was the reason she didn't have an only child's Christmas. My husband says we need to comply so she will forgive use. I'm not so sure on this one. She was sick with cancer last year, went quickly into remission, so I want to celebrate her birthday, but at the same time, how can I say no to my perfect princess? I font want her hating me for life!!! I live and breath for her. What should I do?

6 Answers

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  • 6 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    You can't ignore your other child! That's going to cause your younger child to have serious problems later in life. Tell your older daughter that you can't abandon your other daughter but that you still love her and want to solve this another way.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    6 years ago

    No.

    Under NO circumstances.

    Your job as a parent is NOT to have your children love you, or even like you.

    You are not their friend. You are their protector and their guide.

    YOUR job is to help them become a better person. Someone who can grow up and negotiate their way through life with a minimum of harm to others and to themselves. Someone who learns behaviors that help them to function well in society and in relationships.

    By giving in to her demands, you teach her that she can expect everyone to do what SHE wants. And that she can blackmail people emotionally.

    The reality of life is that she will not be able to do this out in the world.

    So she is NOT learning how to live with her own emotions.

    What you SHOULD do is send her for some individual counselling. She has some very real self-esteem problems.

    And you should take the three of you (her, you, your husband) in for joint family counselling, because your family is not functioning in a healthy way. As parents, it is up to YOU to set the expectations and handle the issues with skill and wisdom. And you and your husband are not.

    She doesn't need to forgive you.

    She needs to learn to handle her own emotions, and YOU need to teach her she can't fix her inner problems by trying to blackmail others.

    She needs professional help. And so does your family system. And you and your husband, since you two are the "captains" of the "family ship" and are not taking it out of "dangerous waters".

    Sorry, but she is not a perfect princess. You have no control over whether she hates you or not. and you should NEVER live and breath for your child. That is enmeshment and it is psychologically unhealthy for you, and psychologically crippling for your child.

    Never beg forgiveness from your child.

    It is right and appropriate if you transgresses lines, to apologize for behavior.

    But never beg forgiveness.

    Your job is to be the authority, to set the expectations, and then to HELP your child meet those expectations.

    You are allowing your child to decide what will "fix" her emotional problems, and she has neither the wisdom nor the experience to choose wisely. What she is choosing will wreck her happiness for the rest of her life if you go along with it.

    And as a parent, her future happiness is your whole purpose for being a parent.

    When you called her self-centered and a brat, you were finally having a moment of honesty. For some reason, you have gone back into denial.

  • Jay R
    Lv 7
    6 years ago

    My best advice would be lost on you, as it is you who have the serious problem. You and your husband are creating a perfectly awful person who fully expects you to obey, concede, adjust and submit. You all would benefit from therapy. The youngest one will be damaged badly if you cooperate with your "perfect princess". What's so perfect about a selfish, blackmailing, mean-spirited brat? Take off the blinders.

  • 6 years ago

    Please don't cave in to her emotional blackmail. If you do she will run your life forever. Your other daughter had nothing to do with her being sick or anything else. Stand up to her. Tell her none of her demands will be met and if she continues she will get no presents and she will be excluded in the family portrait. You are, after all, the grown-ups. Please act like it.

    Source(s): I am a mom
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  • Anonymous
    6 years ago

    And you are considering this why? She just needs to get over herself. She sounds like a self centered, igotistical kid. I wouldn't for a second consider hurting your other children to please her. Those options would be off the table.

  • 6 years ago

    This is obviously a joke, tell princess it will never happen

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