I really want to see a therapist.. please help me?
Please bear with me, this is bound to get long and I apologise beforehand for that...
Okay, I'm 14 and I'm all over the place in terms of how I feel on a daily basis. I feel ugly, worthless, and I can never look at people in the eyes - ever. Not even my family, my teachers (and one of my teachers got moody with me because I couldn't look at her) and I'm really not sure who to speak to and where to go.
I'm an only child and constantly get blamed for ripping the family apart (and sometimes I agree because I know this isn't how a teenager like me is supposed to act). I can get really moody, get angry easily, but sometimes I'm too happy and get blamed for taking the p*ss out of my parents because I love to laugh. That's all I'm doing - and every time I laugh, I get blamed for laughing AT them, and I'm not - I'm laughing at jokes they tell or get reminded of funny things at a stupid time but then they have a go at me. I sometimes accidentally laugh when I get told off, and I hate myself for doing that. It makes me seem spiteful, but I'm not doing it purposely and I hate it.
So I get really depressed everyday because I can't even laugh any more. And I have really bad self consciousness. I constantly feel ugly and never really want to go anywhere, but because of my parents I don't want to speak to THEM because they just say 'Oh don't be silly! No one is even looking at you or judging you! You have such a good life' and yes I have loving parents (They seriously make me angry though) and a good education (I go to an all girls grammar school and feel like a piece of crap because everyone is prettier than me) and all that rubbish. It might seem like a good and happy life, but not when you feel like me everyday. I consider my life a waste - I'd rather some poor sod take it and just kill me in return.
To top it off I have the urge to cut myself. I've cut my arm before and have horrible pink scars on my arm. I got out of the shower and my dad saw it, I tried to say it was my cat but it obviously isn't. My mum made me swear on her life not to do it... I can't do it again because I get really worried about that 'swearing on people's lives' stuff. I just really want to cut though.
And today was particularly awful...
Today we went for a meal because me and my mum was meeting my dad and other family members because my dad was golfing with my uncle. I dropped my hair clip in the car and my mum went berserk because I got really anxious and said I will wait in the car because I needed to clip my hair back (I know it sounds pathetic). We had to buy another clip and was really late for the meal and she called me some horrible names that I can't even type because they made me feel sick and angry with myself. She said them to me in the car. One thing she said was that I am 'a f*cking weirdo daughter.' My mum is such a lovely person when you talk to her, but gives you grief when you argue with her. She had a bad childhood and I don't blame her for being angry, but don't take it out on me. You'll never win with my mum - ever. She will not let you win. She doesn't mean it though because the next day she'll try and be nice to me. I feel slightly bad for seeming like I'm winding her up, but I'm not.
I went back home in my dad's car and we followed my mum home. I started crying in the car by accident (I really couldn't hold it in) and he told me she really doesn't mean any of the stuff she calls me. But it was horrible. I tried to tell him everything I feel (as I explained earlier) and I don't even know if he's taking any of it seriously. I said I want to speak to a person who actually knows what to do because I know what my parents are going to say. He seemed to agree but my mum doesn't like the idea of having an anxious and strange daughter. I just need the help.
I'm so sorry this was long, I'd go on forever but it's not necessary. How do I get my parents to get me some help? I think it will help me at least having someone to speak to. I have a lot going on in my head..
Thank you for reading, I apologise for the length. I'd appreciate any help or suggestions. Thank you.
- 7 years ago
Well, while your parents may be loving, they are quite obviously neglectful, parentalizing you which is extremely unhealthy, and emotionally abusive. If they hit you "when you're bad" (nothing is ever bad enough to require hitting), that will cause emotional scars that will affect you your entire life. Can I ask you, do your parents drink often or abuse drugs? This sounds like the work of addict parents to me.
You cutting yourself is your body's way of trying to deal with the emotional stress and strain that you're going through. This is how I know your parents are abusive, as only the most hurt teens feel bad enough to cut. The fact that your mother had you "swear on her life" is extremely narcissistic, as she immediately turn a dire medical problem into something about her. A responsible parent would've taken you to the hospital immediately for psychiatric treatment.
Remember, you are the child, you should be laughing, having fun, and it is in no way your responsibility to "keep the family together". Any parent that would go at you for that or tell you that has serious emotional issues of their own. The issues with your mother's anger, name calling, and mood swings just shows me how emotionally disturbed, and really unfit to be a mother at this point, she is. Parenting is not just about being there and loving your children, it's also about being a caring role model and protecting your child from pain, not causing it.
Megan, I'm a doctor who has worked with adolescent psych patients and I've seen these situations 1000x before. Despite what your mother says, this is not a happy home life. Yes, some children may have it worse, but most have it better, and you are the victim of emotional abuse, if not more (and I suspect there may be some abuse in your Mom's past, as well as addiction issues). You are an extremely bright girl, because most would not be seeking out therapy by 14. I think this is absolutely great because without therapy, things are going to get much worse for you and I'm fearful to think of what that will be.
So now for the tough part though, how do you get into counseling/therapy? It sounds as if your parents are not the most understanding or educated when it comes to mental illness (judging by the "weirdo daughter" comments and the "swear on my life you'll stop cutting"), so they may not be as open to it. If you're unable to convince them though, I think you HAVE to discuss it with someone you can trust to get you the care you need. Someone who is already at the point of cutting is in need of IMMEDIATE serious help. Do you have a family member like an Aunt/Uncle that you can trust to take you? What about a teacher, coach, or counselor at school? What about a parent of one of your best friends? Whoever it is, you need to get yourself (and ideally your parents as well) into therapy ASAP. Maybe you can convince them to go with you? I know it will be tough, but a therapist will help your Mother understand what she and your father are doing to your life.
Best of luck, feel free to ask me any questions in the comment section after making this the top answer.Source(s): source: I'm a doctor who also has a masters in drug development.
- 7 years ago
I'd suggest you just tell them that you think you'd really benefit from seeing a psychiatrist or some sort of therapist. Tell them that it would make life a lot easier for yourself and for them as you wouldn't be so worried and anxious. Or for the moment you could talk to childline.
Hope things work out for you and it's good that you're able to talk about your feelings.
- Anonymous7 years ago
You might have bipolar, see a psychiatrist, there's a probably a free one at school, ask one of your teachers