Did I lie to my boyfriend about cheating on him?

My ex and I were in a LDR (long distance relationship) and I "cheated" on him with a friend. I put cheating in quotations because I'm not actually sure if I agreed, or not, to having sex with the friend. I went to this friend one night crying, upset, and drunk because I thought that my boyfriend didn't love me anymore and I needed to talk to someone about it. I cried for hours on his bed and told him what was going on with me and my boyfriend. I don't remember how it happened but, I remember having sex. I told him "no", that he was hurting me, and he tried to convince me to keep going but, he eventually stopped. I was so mad at myself that I ran out of the apartment crying.

I got several calls from this "friend" the next day asking me what happened the night before because he claimed that he was too "wasted" to remember. I felt like it was suspicious that he would automatically think to call me and ask. Like he knew exactly what happened but, he was challenging me to say something about it. So, naturally I just labelled him as an asshole. I met up with him in person later and he started crying about how terrible he felt and asking if he did anything to me. I was mad at him but, I felt bad. He just broke up with his fiancee and he was a wreck. So, I told him that he didn't rape me.

I called my boyfriend on Skype the next day to tell him what happened the night before. All that I told him was that "I had sex last night". He asked me why and I said it was "because I was drunk".

It's been a while since the incident and I have carried around this enormous amount of guilt. Now I'm wondering if it was even my fault. I'm wondering if I took on the responsibility of the situation because I was afraid to admit that I was raped again. I feel that my proximity to the situation has clouded my judgement and I need an outside opinion. Did I lie to my boyfriend about cheating on him? Did I even cheat in the first place? Was I raped?

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  • 7 years ago
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    If you were both drunk, by law, you were not raped. However if he was not drunk, then it would be classified as rape. I guess you did 'cheat' on him by going to the guys place in the first place

  • 7 years ago

    It does sound like unintentional rape. (By the way, rape is rape, alcohol is no excuse)

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