My bf is having a stripper at his bachelor party?
I am not comfortable with it at all! He said his best man is planning it and it's what his best man wants and I said no it's suppose to be for what he wants. I told both of them I am not comfortable with it and they won't cancel it I'm disgusted I can't even look at them. I am rethinking this marriage because he should respect me right? And don't say "it's his last night as a single free man" because when he asked me to date him before we even got engaged that wa his last single man night. And if he wants to be single then he could leave me! I'm not uptight I just don't think it's fair! Today I told him if they don't cancel the stripper then the wedding is off and I left him for the night to think about it. I feel like he doesn't Even care about me. I'm not saying that he can't have a bachelor party but why does it have to include strippers??
- 7 years agoFavorite Answer
All bachelor parties include strippers. Get over it. He cares about you--you're getting married!!!! Sound more like an insecurity problem or issues of trust somewhere else in the relationship, it just hasn't surfaced until now. I'd explore your feeling more.
I'd say with the info you provided in your question there is nothing disrespectful going on here. It seems like you are trying to control him--you want him to listen to every command you give: because he is respecting the tradition of the bachelor party, and the social tradition of marriage, but not your desire to always be comfortable.
Relationships work best when they are based more on mutual growth than individual comfort. If the marriage is going to last, there will always be discomfort and that is always an opportunity for growth.
Take the higher ground and instead of seeing the bachelor stripper ordeal as a personal disrespect, look at why you feel that way, see how you can use this to better know your man--and turn it into a positive. Also, don't forget it's a tradition, just as marriage is--nothing more, don't read too deep into a single night of empty-headed fun when you have a lifetime journey ahead together that, I'd hope, is based on depth and the desire for the best in each other.
- MessykattLv 77 years ago
To be blunt, when someone says something "isn't fair", this tells me you aren't ready to be married. How old are you?
The other reason you aren't ready to be married is you don't see that the stripper isn't the problem here. This is a common issue, and couples ready to take this big step work through it. He's wrong when he says this is what's being planned and he can't change that. But you're equally wrong in making this an ultimatum and then wondering if you should can cancel the wedding.
Forget the wedding and think about the marriage that follows. What makes you think the 2 of you can resolve REAL problems that crop up between you? This is nothing compared to what you'll face as a married couple.
So yeah, do rethink all this.
- TimLv 67 years ago
I agree that you should both be rethinking the marriage, but not for the reasons you gave.
Threats like "cancel the strippers or the wedding is off" is an example of emotional blackmail, and it is a pretty sure sign that the two of you are not ready for marriage.
When two adults are ready for the commitment of marriage, they can work it out without having to resort to such extremes.
Strippers are not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. If you are willing to end your relationship because he wants strippers, and he is willing to end it because you don't, what does that bode for when you actually face real issues in your relationship?
Lots of men think that having a stripper at the bachelor part is what's supposed to happen. They cannot think outside of the box and its sad really.
If this means so much to you that you would dump your fiance then I am afraid you have more serious issues in your relationship to think about.
Having a stripper means nothing, its a professional girl just doing another gig for another load of idiot's that she looks upon as money in her pocket. These girls that choose to do this are not in it to seduce the men, they are in it to make a lot of money and believe it or not some have a lot of contempt for men and there are one or two lesbians who just want cash.
You are insecure in a lot of ways and don't appear to be ready for marriage since you already assume he is going to do your bidding for the rest of your life together. This is unrealistic and no basis for a marriage.
Take a good long look at yourself before you walk down the aisle, you may have a wonderful day and look stunning but after the party is over you are left with a man who "disobeyed" you on his stag do, how will you deal with that ?
My advice would be to lighten up, be sure of his love for you and that no matter what temptations come his way he will only have eyes for you. If you cannot in all honesty say this then you and he are doomed before you start.
If you do not trust him to have a mind of his own but just want him to do as you say, you are in for a heap of problems in your future.
Think again you are marrying a man not a kid who will "do as he is told".
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- krissylynLv 77 years ago
If you're not comfortable, don't go - oh wait, you're not invited. Let it go. Control the things you can - Change the things you can. This not your business. Stay out of it., You're not his mother. Then again, if you're looking for a reason to cancel the wedding (which really if gets to the stage of a bachelor party - you're way overdue), you've got it.
- Halo MomLv 77 years ago
Did you speak to the person who was planning the party before hand?
You husband right, he has no say about the bachelor party, he does not plan the party. He should not of been told about the stripper. Since he was, talk to the person having the party, not the honor guest. the honor guest has no say with the party.
Do you trust him? If you do not, you are right, you should not marry him.
The fact he told you, show he trust you
- SeryphLv 77 years ago
I think you did the right thing.
And for the record, not every bachelor party/stag do has strippers. Most of the happily married men I know didn't go to strip clubs for it, there's no need for it.
When I was my friend's Best "Man" we organised laser tag, steak dinner and then got him blind drunk at our favourite pub while they played Star Wars for us on the TVs. It was exactly what he wanted and the two of us booked everything together, after the pub shut we met up with the hen do at a local club and the bride and groom went home together.
- 7 years ago
A stripper is just to look it at. It won't mean anything to your fiancé. He will still be coming home to you. You voiced your opinion, now let it go. It sounds like you're the one who is insecure and has the issues. Call off the wedding, because you don't sound mature enough to make a lifetime commitment.
wow!! if you don't cancellthe stripper(which he did not set up0 then the wedding is off/
unlike the other posters , I think you are the controlling one here and he may be better off w/o you. what will you use for leverage after you get married? this will only make him rebel evern more against what you want.
things like this are about working it out,, not my way or the highway
- dripLv 77 years ago
I really can not believe how many people are giving a thumbs up to strippers
No not all men have strippers at their bachelor party. IT IS NOT TRADITION
I would love to see how many of those people who gave a thumbs up and how many guys who want the stripper would be ok with their girlfriend or fiancé stripping for other guys .
It is not about having sex or running off with the stripper. Gads this sounds like crap Clinton gave about Monica
IT is degrading to females. any guy should ask them self how would I feel if this was my sister, or hey, found out their mom stripped.
And pushing aside if stripping is ok
The bride has told the groom she is very uncomfortable with this.
And instead of talking to her about it, he just blames the best man?!
It does sound like you have very different values
It is never good to force an ultimatum. You should of made your own decision