I've never been so depressed...?

Merry Christmas Eve! I know it's stupid and selfish to be depressed tonight, but... I can't really help it. I've lost my appetite for the past two days, I haven't eaten and my step-dad is accusing me of doing drugs because I have no appetite. He's a ******* idiot, he makes me want to flip my... show more Merry Christmas Eve! I know it's stupid and selfish to be depressed tonight, but... I can't really help it. I've lost my appetite for the past two days, I haven't eaten and my step-dad is accusing me of doing drugs because I have no appetite. He's a ******* idiot, he makes me want to flip my **** sometimes. God, I just.. Sorry, I'm going to swear a lot, I have no one to vent to and I can't find my journal. Usually I vent to that but that doesn't really help anyways, maybe here there'll be some help. I can only hope. Thanks so much for reading this so far, guys. I'm not done yet but... thank you. I just... I mean... I just want to be left alone. I don't want anything from anyone, I don't want to talk to anyone and I don't want anyone to talk to me and I jsut need everyone to get the **** off my back. I want to cry so bad right now, and I'm seriously trying not to get the razor out. I used to cut myself, I recently vowed to quit but I really want to. My Mom is just so overly attached to me and I just.. Good God, I hate that so much. I just want to be left alone. I don't even care that it's Christmas tomorrow, I'm fine with not waking up and opening presents. I KNOW, that makes me sound like a douche, but at this point I don't care. I don't want anyone to talk to me. I just want to cry so bad right now. I just.. the fact that at this point I hate almost everyone just hurts. I don't want to hate everyone but I don't want to be bugged, I don't want to be talked to, I just want everyone to get out and leave me the **** alone. I want to cut but I won't. I won't. What do I do, I can't get out of the house, I would if I could but I have nowhere to go and if I did I wouldn't want to come back. Don't get me wrong, my parents are fine, they're just pissing me off. I'm 14, almost 15, it's normal to hate your parents. They're good parents, that's what I hate about them. Except... my step dad is just being a ******* jerk. I cleaned my room like he asked and he says it's still not clean, his friend came over and he brought some Christmas presents for me for tomorrow but he overheard me and my step dad yelling at each other and his friend asked if I wanted to come out and open the presents tonight, life's too short to be mad, but my step dad won't let me even leave my room. I don't want to hear his voice or see his face right now, I just don't want to deal with anyone. All I want to do is cry. Help. I don't know what to do right now. You know what's going to happen if he hears me crying in here? He's going to guilt-trip me to hell and mimic me, "life's so rough" sarcasm, I ******* just ******* hate it! Why doesn't he understand that I'm ******* depressed? I told him I cut, I told him I'm depressed, I showed him my scars and I asked him for help but he won't do anything. I don't want to cry, but I do, and I just.... I don't know what to do. I'm actually crying right now, and... just.. help. What am I supposed to do?
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