義斌 asked in 社會與文化語言 · 6 years ago

英文自傳 誰來幫我修改 .

Hello everyone, my name is XX X , I come from taitung . I am graduate from National Cheng Kung Commercial & Aquaculture Senior Vocational High School and major in Aquaculture Program.

There are three people in my family, I have a younger brother sometimes I fight with my

brother. My father is tough man, But he is sweet to me.

In my free time, I think that watching TV can increase my knowledge. comes to television, Ilike to see on the Animal Planet channel and socially relevant news events.

Most people would think that playing online computer will hinder students' learning. But

I think that computers can stimulate us to learn certain things, such as learning concerned with world events .

Although I do not like the English, but i hope that after four years can improve my English

and have the ability to say that the future is very smooth

小弟英文不是很好 因為要上傳個人自傳 但因為英文不好打出來的東西也不太確定 對不對 懇求大大幫我修改

Update:

TO ShiUmiYeon :

恩 問過老師 他說可以 , tough 我想表達的是 嚴肅 嚴厲的 。

其他你打出來的 英文 都是大大修改過的麻?

最後一句我想打表達的是 : 我雖然不喜歡英文,但我希望四年後我的英文能力可以提升且外來有能力以英文對話

2 Answers

Rating
  • 6 years ago
    Best Answer

    Hi 義斌, 也讓Panda try 一下唄! 為了不影響你的寫作風格, 我不會修改寫法, 只改文法 ^ ^ 粗體底線 – 修改過的字 ( )裡的字 – 不必要 * - 註 Hello everyone, My name is XXX , and*1 I come from Taitung. I (am)*2 graduated from National Cheng Kung Commercial & Aquaculture Senior Vocational High School, and majored*3 in Aquaculture Program. There are three people in my family, including my father, who is big on discipline*4 but is always sweet to me; my younger brother, whom I sometimes fight with; and myself. *5

    註1: 記得, 要用逗點把兩個不相關的句子接在一起時一定要用and註2: 用I graduated就好, 因為am或was都是贅詞註3: 你已從學校畢業, 已成過去式, 所以是majored而非major註4: 我用big on discipline來取代tough來避免不必要的誤會, 畢竟tough也有強壯之意註5: 幫你把句子重新整理過才有秩序, 也用including(包括)來建立人物跟數字的關係

    (In my free time,)*6 I think (that)*7 watching TV can increase my knowledge. When it comes to television, I like to watch the Animal Planet channel and (socially relevant) news (events).

    Most people (would)*8 think that playing online games*9 will hinder students' learning, but I think that computers can stimulate us to learn certain things, such as (learning concerned with)*10 world events. 註6: 你覺得看電視可以增加知識跟你的休閒時間一點關係都沒有, 所以幫你把前段移除註7: 發現你很愛用that 來作連接詞, 如think that, 雖然不算錯, 但常用會變贅詞, 只是提醒你少用, 後面不會再提到註8: would為假設語, 這個事實已成立, 所以不需用到註9: 你玩的是線上遊戲而非線上電腦註10: 句子前段已提到 to learn certain things, 所以後段不需再提到 “learn about” 或 “be concerned with” world events不然感覺很重覆

    Although I do not like (the) English*11, (but) *12 I hope that after four years, I can greatly*13 improve my English and have the ability to speak it fluently to have a smooth future*14 (is very smooth). 註11: 不需用the, 因為它是為了強調某件事或某個東西; 英文就是英文, 不需特別做強調註12: 前段用though/although/even though時, 後段不可用but註13: 英文學4年一定會進步, 但你要強調的是進步很多, 所以我用greatly註14: 妳最後一句完全不make sense, 所以幫你改過 – 英文要講的流利(fluent)才會有平順(smooth)的未來 重整如下 寫不下 = - = 放在意見欄

    2013-11-22 11:10:55 補充:

    Hello everyone,

    My name is XXX , and I come from Taitung. I graduated from National Cheng Kung Commercial & Aquaculture Senior Vocational High School, and majored in Aquaculture Program.

    2013-11-22 11:11:14 補充:

    There are three people in my family, including my father, who is big on discipline but is always sweet to me; my younger brother, whom I sometimes fight with; and myself.

    2013-11-22 11:11:26 補充:

    I think watching TV can increase my knowledge. When it comes to television, I like to watch the Animal Planet channel and news. Most people think that playing online games will hinder students' learning, but I think that computers can stimulate us to learn certain things, such as world events.

    2013-11-22 11:11:37 補充:

    Although I do not like English, I hope that after four years, I can greatly improve my English and have the ability to speak it fluently to have a smooth future.

    希望有幫助..

    Source(s): Panda - answering selectively!
  • 6 years ago

    My name is XXX. I come from Taitung. I (was) graduated from National Cheng Kung Commercial & Aquaculture Senior Vocational High School. I major in Aquaculture Program. There are three people in my family, a younger brother, father and I. Sometimes, I fight with my brother. My father is a strong man. He is very kind to me.

    和弟弟打架真的要寫嗎?

    tough你想表達什麼意思?

    In my free time, I prefer to watch TV. I like to watch Animal Planet channel and news. I think that is a good way to make me knowledgeable.

    comes to television 是不是有缺?

    Most people think that playing online computer games will hinder students from learning, but I have a different opinion. I think that computers are not completely bad for people. We can benefit by use it suitably. For example, we can get world news so that broaden our horizons.

    最後一句不太清楚你的意思~

    Although I do not like English, I hope I can improve my English ability in these four years. Aim to speak English well, I will do my best in the future.

    不太清楚你想表達的意思~

    是要給英文相關科系嗎? 第一句會不會造成反效果?

    小建議:

    少用逗號,只要句子完整了就用句號結束就好。太多逗號容易發生錯誤,意思不明。

    英文中少用謙虛委婉的字,多肯定語氣會比較好,表現出自信。

    如果是推大學,是不是再多著墨些自己的事情與未來計畫

    個人淺見 供您參考

    2013-11-22 10:38:00 補充:

    我有盡量照著你原來的意思做修改

    My father is tough man.

    我覺得改成 My father is tough on me.

    因為這個字翻字典的意思蠻多的 +on / with連用 就是嚴肅 嚴格的意思

    2013-11-22 10:39:28 補充:

    最後一句 我寫的意思是

    雖然我不喜歡英文,我希望我可以在這四年內增進英文能力。以講一口好英文為目標,我會在未來盡我最大的努力。

    或者也可以改成

    Although I do not like English, I hope I can improve my English ability in the forthcoming four years. Having a good conversation in English is my target.

    2013-11-22 10:41:21 補充:

    歡迎討論喔~畢竟每個人看別人的文章會有些許不同的解讀~

    我是以我認為你的意思而去做修改的~

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