Sexting affair...how to regain trust?
Please, I do not need nor want any negative feedback. This is an attempt on getting opinions to make matters better.
This might be lengthy, so thank you in advance to whoever spends the time to read it. Anyways, me and my boyfriend have been together for 18 months. we moved extremely fast into our relationship, moving in together two months after dating. About 10 months into the relationship, I started texting another guy that I knew had feelings for me, however I had no intention whatsoever on acting on it. I knew that I loved my boyfriend. My boyfriend found out and he was loving enough to forgive me. This happened a few more times, but it was only just texts. Since then, I have completely blocked this guy from my life. Last weekend, my boyfriend and I went to a bar to have some drinks. We came home and I was drunk. I texted my ex-boyfriend and started reminiscing about old sexual memories. I stated to this guy that I loved my boyfriend and had plans on marrying him. The next day, I sent him a picture with a bra on (no nudity). He had sent pictures of his genitals, which I told him I did not want and I deleted them right away. My boyfriend has broken up with me after figuring out everything that happened, but we have an apartment together and both have no where to go. He's extremely mad and hurt, and says he doesn't know if we can ever be back together, yet I am determined because I love him so much. He literally is my world. I agreed and have made an appointment to talk to a counselor to figure out why I felt the need to do this. In my mind, I have zero intention of being with anyone other than my boyfriend. I need advice on how to fix this, and how to get my boyfriend back. I have been completely honest with him and he has seen all the texts and pictures. He said that he will only be with me again once he knows that nothing like this will happen ever again.
Please, any advice on how I can regain his trust and show him that I truly do love him and only him would be greatly appreciated. For the record, I had completely blocked my ex from Facebook and on my phone two days before my boyfriend found the texts. I have also given my boyfriend all my passwords to look at whatever he wants, and any deleted messages he can still see (which I promised and have no intention on deleting messages again). I'm aware that this is going to take a lot of work. Thanks again.
Thank you to everyone who responded, as you have shown me complete strangers cannot give you effective advice. First of all, I'm not an alcoholic/have an addiction. I drink MAYBE once a month. Its called being in your early twenties. Second, I did not sleep with anyone other than my boyfriend, nor would I ever. This is something that happened ONCE. I agree, that's one too many, but we are working together to get our relationship back, because we know and feel the love that's between us. So everyone here can go and f*** themselves! :)
- 7 years agoFavorite Answer
You're full of broken promises and misrepresented trust.. I'm sorry, but you deserve this. Maybe you'll learn.... maybe you won't. But this guy obviously deserves better than you. That's pretty messed up what you did. Your relationship with him will never, ever be the same.
- BradleyLv 67 years ago
Let me ask you this if your boyfriend had done this to you would you not feel betrayed? You say that your boyfriend is everything to you and that he is the love of your life but then you turn around and sext your ex boyfriend over and over again. You have destroyed the trust in your relationship and your current boyfriend simply does not trust you anymore. You need to understand why you feel the need to send flirty and dirty messages to other men. Most likely you love the attention and ego boost you get from it which quite frankly is why most women and men do it. You have at least taken the right steps in stoping all contact with your ex and giving full access to your accounts to your current boyfriend to try to regain his trust. Believe me it will not be easy. Like any other addiction it will be very hard for you to stop your online flirting. But if you want to save the relationship and love him the way you say you love him you had better learn to change your behavior.
- Anonymous5 years ago
She blamed you? If you're both to get over it, and draw a line, and start again, then she has to admit where she went wrong, and you have to say what you'll do different in future to help prevent it from happening. You telling her not to sh*g other people, and her saying it was your fault is really not a good start. As for blaming you for wanting contact with your grandchildren, I think that's really cheap and childish. Try to be the grownup in this, but consider whether you're getting enough back. You have to be happy with the outcome too, otherwise there can be no trust.
- No MoreLv 77 years ago
I am trying hard not to come out negative here, but I have keyed in on one thing you said in your question that demonstrates to all of us how you don't seem to get it.
You said that "He literally is my world", but by your actions you have shown that can't be true. If he was your world, then drunk or sober you would never even think to text another man without your boyfriends knowledge and approval.
On the positive side, when it comes to repairing your relationship with him, you seem to have a lot going for you.
1) You both have agreed to go to couples counselling. That demonstrates that you both are interested in staying together.
2) You have opened up your communications accounts to him so he can verify that this time you say what you mean and mean what you say. I once heard a wise man say "Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing". I hope you can adhere to that ideal.
3) You say you have completely blocked this guy from your life. That seems to be a good idea. For you, your ex is kind of like a drug. When you seek some sort of fix that you don't seem to get from your boyfriend, you turn to your local supplier (your ex) to get it.
You have to learn the difference between just giving lip service, and actually saying what is in your heart and mind.
I am not trying to criticize or insult you here, I am actually trying to help you when I say this.
If your boyfriend actually was your world, then you wouldn't have to outwardly block other people from your life because the very definition of him being your world would mean that they are already blocked from inside of you.
Like you said, you guys moved deep into your relationship pretty fast, and now you look back and find you have invested 18 months into it.
I think the primary question you need to answer for yourself when you go to counselling with him is; Is he really your world, or are you just wishing he was?
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- 7 years ago
I'm giving u positive feedback. Good that ur going to see a counselor. Stay away from ur bf. If u loved him so much u wouldn't have done that no matter how drunk u were.
- ?Lv 57 years ago
If you love him you'll leave him. You're a disaster, probably it's the boozing that makes you this way, I've seen it before with boozers, they are crazy. I don't believe that you didn't have sex with the other guy, and your partner can't believe that either. People know that cheaters are liars, so anything you say is pretty much just a load of crap.
- 7 years ago
Just like you should hand over the car keys if you're going to get that drunk, you need to have someone hold your phone.... You clearly make unwise choices that'll bite you in the butt. If this bf can't see past the fact that you were incapacitated or accept that you'd permit yourself to become so drunk that this happened, give him credit for recognizing a drinking problem, get some help with that and move on.
- Anonymous7 years ago
It's an addiction. You love the attention from ex-BF. That means that your current BF isn't doing it for you, if you know what I mean.