? asked in Social SciencePsychology · 6 years ago

My old friends are saying I'm being fake or that I'm changing? Kinda long?

Well ok look I'm 21 now and I just recently bought my own place and got a car and all that good crap lol, uh so, I'll give you some background info onmy old friends. Ok there the video game type, not nerdy but what I'm saying is they just are more ....,umm....of the good innocent type ill just say that and I think they thought I was, not saying I'm some badboy because Im not. We went to school together and I always hung with them but I was always kinda quiet with them. We went to the movies, and played video games together but thats it. I love video games and I always will but the reason why I played so much games was because I wasn't the most popular guy, so my social life was not alive so I didnt really have a choice but to stay home on the weekends. I was the kid that never talked in class ha ha. Now recently as I said earlier I have my own house and stuff, and my friends say that Im changing because well I'm going out more and clubbing ( not hooking up with girls cause I have girlfriend ) but thats something Ive always wanted to do. Ive met some new friends and me and them have tons of stuff in common. Its not about popularity cause there not too popular either but they just know how to have fun..my kind of fun. The other day I invited one of my old friends to hangout with my newer friends and my gf, and he was a bit uncomfortable. Judge me if you want i dont care, but me and my newer friends sometimes, smoke or have a beer, or shoot cans in his backyard, or have a small car race in his backyard, or tell inappropriate jokes at like 4:00 in the morning. Thats just how we have fun. Everyone was nice to him but he was still uncomfortable, we didnt pressure him to any beers or smoke. My friend later on a asked why im changing, and why Im turning bad? I'm not bad because I dont get into fights, and I never been arrested. As far as the beer, and the smoking I was raised in a house were doing that was ok in moderation, and the inappropriate jokes, if anything I got that from my dad lol. Then he thought I was acting like that to impress my girlfriend which I wasn't, because he told me that I shouldn't be dating girls like that. ( I didnt get mad ) He judged her appearance cause of her tattoos and piercings and yeah she may look like shes bad news but she has a heart of gold, all of my friends do. I still wear regular unpopular branded clothes, I dont follow trends, Im just doing things and having fun in ways that I never could before. Now that I have more freedom and have friends that I have things in common with, it may look like Im changing. At the same time I guess it is my fault because I never talk about myself with my old friends I always kept parts of myself private. Its just certain people I reveal more about myself than others idk why I do that. If we have tons in common then I share things with you vs if we didnt have much in common. I just now have friends that I can open up to for the first time and tell them things and dont judge or say whoa dude your insane, and they actually listen and ask questions. Not saying my old friends didnt but I feel they'd probably not understand. Plus I know certain people have different tolerances my old friends I kinda had to adjust my behavior and my wordings. But Im not changing Im just braking out of my shell, and I invited my friend to hangout with us so...I dont see how thats changing. But please tell me what do you think my old friends perspectives are? Like in your opinion how do you think there seeing things, and how can I explain to them that...everythings not the way it looks?

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  • 6 years ago
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    I think when most old friends see a different side of you, that can sort of make them feel a bit shocked at first because it is unexpected. It can sort of feel like "wow I don't even know who this person is anymore." It can also make them feel a bit like there was no real friendship there because you never bothered to really show who you truly were in the past. It almost feels like being lied to and having secrets kept from the whole time. Almost like you were wearing a mask whenever you were hanging out.

    I'm just speaking from experience because I had a friend who revealed to me a lot about herself that I never knew, and it seemed like she completely changed even though she really was just never showing that side of her to me. It sort of feels like, "So your other friends are worthy of seeing the honest side of you, while I had to put up with an act from you?"

    It's just feels a bit disappointing because you expect honesty from your friends, but then you realize that they were always hiding things. It can sort of feel like you were creating a wall and never really bothered to try to be real, even though that is what everybody wants in a friendship.

    Even if it wasn't your intention to "hide" or to put on a mask, that's how it comes off as.

    At the end of the day, though, you are who you are. It's a natural thing to "break out of your shell." Whether your friend accepts it or not is their choice, though.

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  • 6 years ago

    People are constantly changing, they mature and often move away from their old friends and make new friends. You can not live your life according to how other people think you should live, dress or act. You have to do what makes you happy and do what you feel comfortable doing as long as you are doing no harm or breaking any laws you have every right to explore different things. You are 21 have your own house and car so you must be doing something right. I think that is great.

    My family never liked anyone that I dated. I moved a thousand miles away from my overly protective parents, when I turned nineteen, and it was the best decision that I ever made. Yes, I totally broke out of my cage. I feel I actually grew as a person being on my own and making my own decisions. I still keep in contact with my old friends from high school but we live totally different lives, in different states. I made new friends, and am still making new friends but, I am basically an independent, free thinker. No one tells me how to dress, wear my hair or how to act. I like to think I have my own style.

    I judge people based on their character and not their appearance I like people who dare to be different, it shows that they have confidence and style. If you like your girl friend just the way she is, then your family and friends should respect that.

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