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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in 社會與文化語言 · 8 years ago

請幫忙看一下這篇作文文法正確嗎,幫忙改正並盡量刪除一些字謝謝

Christopher told a policeman that he didn’t know how to go to London. The policeman help him to get some money from the cashpoint machine. While Christopher was standing on the train, the policeman called him. The policeman said Christopher’s father was looking for him. Christopher thought he wanted to took him back, so he scared about that. Later, he went to the toilet, and he noticed there were two shelves near the toliet. He put a case in front of him, then he was shut in. Later, the policeman came and tried to find him, but he didn’t see him. And then, a lady came and took the rucksack, she saw Christopher and told him to be careful. Then, the train was stoped at London. He got off the train, and, he asked a lady that how to go to her mother’s house. She told him to take the tube. Finally, he arrived there, and he walked about half an hour to his mother’s house. He waited for his mother. Finally, she and Mr. Shears came back. She was so happy about that, and felt horrified that Christopher’s father told she dead to Christopher. Then, a policeman came and asked Christopher that he wants to come back or live with his mother. Christopher chose the latter. Next morning, his father came to see him. He said sorry to him again. Christopher was still afraid of his father. Mr. Shears called the police to take his father away. Then, Mr. Shears and Christopher's mom told about how long Christopher can stay. And Christopher heard that, and he was afraid of Mr. Shears, too. He told to his mother that he wanted to go back for his math A levels test, but she said she won’t take him back. Christopher’s mother lost her job. She said the school will arrange the test next year for him. Christopher screamed and felt indignant. At the night, Mr. Shears was drunk and shouted to him. Christopher’s mother took Christopher back. And she drived Christopher to take the test. Mr. Shears threw a box on the floor, there were all his mother’s things. His moth

Update:

謝謝薇兒的建議和補充!

可否建議形容詞大概要加在哪較適當呢?

3 Answers

Rating
  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Christopher told a policeman that he didn’t know how to go to London. The policeman 「helped」 him to get some money from the cash point machine還是(cashpoint machine?). While Christopher was 刪standing刪 on the train, the policeman called him 「back」

    and told him his father was looking for him. Thinking about the policeman wanted to took him back, he 「was」 scared about that. Later, he went to the toilet in order to escape, 「and noticing」 there were two shelves near the toliet.「they put a case in front of him and shut him in」. Later, the policeman came and tried to find him, but he 「failed」. And then, a lady came and took the rucksack 「with her」, she saw Christopher and「 warned」 him to be careful. Then, the train 刪was刪 stoped過去式寫錯了,p要重複字尾 at London. He got off the train, and, he asked a lady 刪that刪 how to go to her這性別是否錯了 mother’s house. 「She taught him how to go by tube kindly」. 刪, he arrived there刪, 刪and刪it took him half an hour to arrive at his mother’s house. But he find out nobody was home,so He waited for his mother. Finally, she and Mr. Shears came back. His mom was so happy about he going home safe and sound, and felt horrified that Christopher’s father told she dead to Christopher.這句不懂你意涵

    2013-08-27 23:40:24 補充:

    Then, a policeman came and asked Christopher 「whether」 he wants to come back他要去哪? or live with his mother. Christopher chose the latter. Next morning, his father came to see him. He said sorry to him again. Christopher was still afraid of his father. Mr. Shears called the police to take his father a

    2013-08-27 23:41:01 補充:

    father away. Then, Mr. Shears and Christopher's mom told about how long Christopher can stay. And Christopher heard that, and he was afraid of Mr. Shears, too. He told to his mother that he wanted to go back for his math A levels test, but she said she won’t take him back. Christopher’s mother lost

    2013-08-27 23:42:33 補充:

    建議加些形容詞

  • 8 years ago

    而且所說的都是瑣碎的事件 看了好久不知道是不是與主題有關

  • 8 years ago

    你的文法有高中以上的水準,但故事郤是相當凌亂。

    你先提到有一個警察幫助 Christopher 甚樣去倫敦,但隨後警察竟帶了他去自動提款機前。最後最搞笑的是,他們兩個一起在洗手間裏,而更奇怪的是,另一個淑女也同時出現在盥洗室裏。

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