would this make a good vampire novel/book?

I had an idea to write about a new vampire type novel. i am in no way a good writer though and my writing does need editing but i still have the idea. the idea is a group of vampires, i think 5, that kill evil doers/gansters in a very organized and vicious manner (like a well organized seal team but cooler lol) and then drink the blood they gather from their mission. well, that's the idea and here is the intro to the first two vampires, give me some ideas if you like this and i will try and write more...

"Blood Hood Vampires" (i think i like this title)

He was Able, the first made vampire by the hands of evil. As he lay in the grass a spider crawled into his wound from the sword drawn by Cane. He had wounded him in the heart by thrusting a silver sword into his flesh. The spider makes his way in, no ordinary spider but the first that had crawled out from the pits of hell. The bite was directly on Able’s heart, kick-starting what blood had remained and violently changing his brain. He cries out, “Lord my savior, what is this pain and hunger. What has my brother done to me or my father in heaven?” as he sits on his knees, thunder and rain drips down his cheeks as he punches a nearby rock. A rock of modest size shatters at his touch, and he looks down at his fist, the blood reverses back into his vein, unharmed. “What has happened to me” Able speaks, “this power, my vision, my skin and this hunger, what has happened to me?” Then, the spider that was in his heart crawls into his ears and whispers, “my son, don’t fear. I have given you a gift of eternal life and power.” Able yells out like a lion, “what is this hunger?” the spider then replies, “you must feed now my son, for the blood that keeps humans alive is now your food. Go and pillage and drink till your heart is content, for you are the first vampire”. Able then begins to cry but no tears can come out. “This you say is a gift?” he angrily replies, “I will never feed on my fellow brothers and you are no God that I hear” he pokes into his ears and the spider yells, “you fool, we have not met for the last time. You will be my prodigy of blood” as the spider disappears into the night. Thousands of years pass. Able alone in this world just walked and walked every corner of his lands.

The year is now 865 AD, a time of kings and queens. Until now, Able has been alone in his world and only fed on the blood of the evil. “There is no shortage of blood in this time” he ponders, “I do not know if I am killing good or evil anymore but I fight with my brothers that I’d rather see die in war than of old age”. Alarms sound, “here come the Vikings” a tower guard yells. The troops assemble with Able by their side. The invasion was swift and the Vikings came like thunder. If Able was not there they surely would have lost this fight, as all of the Vikings lay on the cold floor. Able then went to gather blood and to his surprise one of the Vikings got up. He was a Viking known as Bior. He was six foot eight a height that doubled that of Ables. No matter though for he will be fighting a vampire. Their swords clash back and forth. For every slice Able made into his foes flesh he got back triple the wounds. Bior speaks out, “what is this? I have no fight left in me for you have drained me of blood but I see no wounds on you” as he is now on his knees and slowly falls onto his back. Able shocked that he is also out of breath gives this courageous warrior his answer. “Watch, for I am not of this world but still an un-dying part of it” as he slices his wrist and lets the blood drip down onto his foes heart, but for a second for his wrist instantly heals in front of the fallen warrior. Bior’s eye’s then suddenly open wide with shock of pain. “what did you do?” he yells, “this pain in my chest what is it?” Able shocked because he had not known he can create other vampires until this point was speechless. Bior stands up and says, “the pain is gone, all of my pain is gone and my vision, I can see ever speck of dust around me. What am I?” Able replies, “you are a vampire. The second vampire that was my foe but now you are my brother” he says with a happy grin on his face.

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  • 7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    not bad. I would expect it to be a short book for young teens, maybe 10-16? yes, your skills as a writer aren't great. if you really want to write this, get lessons and read loads.

    plot-wise, it is a little unrealistic and far fetched and bible-y. it needs a lot of work. I think if you put a lot of time and effort in it could be fairly good, but if these are your skills as they are at your best, then I think you would need to write this novel with someone else, because you're not strong enough at the moment. If I were you i'd keep the idea and the plot and build it up in your mind over time. start writing this again when your writing skills are more advanced. I'm not being mean - you really do seem to have a good, strong sense of what you want to do. Just get lessons and become a better writer in the next year or so (remember, virtuoso violinists spend years perfecting their talent. Writers aren't expected to just jump in and be able to spontaneously be Shakespeare's equal). Anyway, hope this works out :)

  • 7 years ago

    That depends on whether or not you can actually write. A good idea does not equal a good novel. You could have the best idea ever but if your writing sucks then it still won't be a good novel.

  • 7 years ago

    the only real way to tell is by trying it to find out

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