My girlfriend died of cancer a few months ago and I'm still unable to cope?
I'm 16 and in February my girlfriend Jane died of Leukemia.We dated for 3 years prior to her death and I loved her deeply.When I was sad I would lean on her shoulder,when I needed help I would ask her for advice,when I was angry I talked to her to calm myself down.And now she's gone,I'm desolated and there's nobody I can lean on,get advice from or talk to to calm myself down.
The thing that frustrates me is that after being diagnosed she refused to get treatment because she felt like her death was inevitable and that fighting cancer is pointless.
She was a prolific writer of poetry,intriguing philosopher and a devout atheist.I remember a conversation we had once about life in general and the creepy thing is I asked her about death and what she thinks about it.It went something like this if I remember correctly:
Me:"Life is so unfair,why is it taking you from me?"
Jane:"I don't perceive life as unfair and neither should you.It has given me the opportunity to be with the people I love,be with a caring family and meet you."
Me:"Why are you doing this to me?Why won't you at least try to fight it?It's like you're turning your back on me...on us."
Jane:"Don't ever say that you know how much I care about you,and besides I'll always be with you,a piece of me will always live inside you."
Me:"Doesn't the concept of death frighten you?"
Jane:"Why would it be frightening?Were you frightened before you were born?You don't remember anything before your birth,that's how peaceful death is."
Me:"Jane I don't wanna lose you,I'd rather die than live without you."
Jane:"Promise me you won't hurt yourself after I die.I love you too much for me to be the cause of your suffering."
At that moment I was so furious,so full of anger for being so helpless that I didn't reply and just walked away.She was dying and I was going to stick around to see it.About 2 weeks later she had a relapse and was taken to the hospital,when I saw her,the feeling is indescribable.Seeing her in such a dire state was soul wrenching to say the least,I spoke to her like we always did,I made jokes and talked about all the good times we had together,as usual she talked about poetry and even wrote a poem for me while she was still awake and told me "I love you".
Soon after that she closed her eyes and the lines on the monitor formed a line and started beeping,she was dead.It's been 5 months and I still cry myself to sleep every night.I've lost all the motivation I had previously and I feel like my life has no purpose.The only reason I haven't committed suicide is because of the promise I made.How do I get over her death?
- BeastLv 76 years agoFavorite Answer
Dear Hello, I'm so sorry down to the bottom of my soul about your gf. May I tell you something? When you deal with grief and loss, and I know whereof I speak, the one thing you must never do, no matter how much you're tempted, is to never turn from it. Time has a way of helping us to feel better. What we do in that time to facilitate our healing matters. Maybe if you spent time with others who knew her best. Were you close to her family? Are you close to your own? Are your other friends supportive?
You can think of her every day and carry her with you for the rest of your life. She would not want you to be suicidal. When I tried suicide and survived, I learned that the consequences can be unpleasant. God has a purpoose for your life. Do you go to church? Maybe if you spoke with your minister. There is no shame in joining a greif support group. They have been where you are and will gladly help you. You can also find low cost counseling through the United Way, a local university psychology department. We are complex beings sometimes in need of psychological tune-ups. When we break an arm or leg, we go to the doctor. When we contract diabetes, we go to the doctor. A broken heart or wounded spirit is fundamentally no different. I'll be praying for you. Hope this helps.
- 5 years ago
I'm so sorry for your loss. I think she's in the heaven with God now :) Meeting her is the best thing in your life, right? Keep a good memories with her
- 6 years ago
Life comes and Life goes. We can try to live happy and healthy all we can, but even with that life can end on a moments notice: accidents, illnesses, crime, natural causes, organ defects.
There are things we can control ......... and there are things we cannot control.
It is imperative to remember that. Large print, hang it on your wall. It is so critical to note that. For the health of ourselves and the health of others around us.
A friend of mine was killed, only 34 years old. I played the piano at his funeral. The only way i could move on (not saying forget about him, never could) was realizing what I believe he would want me to do. He would want me to try, never give up, be nice to others, help people but be extra cautious, and be happy while living my life. He wouldnt want me to continue grieving. He wouldnt want me to stop, quit, bow my head, withdraw, seclude, ignore, be upset, be moody, throw in the towel, be numb, sleep-in, continue grieving over a past no longer present. If the tables were turned, and i was the one who died, I wouldnt want my buddy going through these things either. Would you want her to be going through these things, continuously interferring with the productivity of her life? Prolly not. Because you love her. You would prolly want her to be happy, joyful, always trying to achieve and be a better person. Because that is the person you fell in love with. That is the girl you came to know. The happy, honest, joyful or whatever kind of person she was. Would you want here to bow her head? Would you want her to bow her head now, up in heaven, looking down at you? Would you want her to feel bad that you are giving up? Would you want her to be worried about you...or would you want her to be able to enjoy the perils of heaven while knowing you will be strong, like you are, the happy guy she met that one day, over there, in the sun, the guy who is soooo nice and comforting. The people you both are, should not change because you are apart. Let her, who she once was, her existence, her meaning to you, the importance of her, her love, your love, your respect of her, her presence, make you stay who you are, make you strong...as you are, let you continue to strive towards a life of happiness and achievement, a life of being you, of loving again and again, and sharing your beautiful self with others, letting that bright smile radiate onto the Gods of heaven, brighter than the moon above, warmer than our sun, and live as true as a shining star. On Sundays at noon, rain or shine, you can arrange to be with her then, a moment of unity, peace and best wishes, perhaps share a funny story. But I truly believe that she would want you to be happy, lift your head up, and make her existence more meaningful and empowering towards your own personal success in life. This will, in turn, allow her to be happy where she is right now.
Life is all about helping one another, as i am here helping you now. I love you and we are all in this together. You are never alone. I love you both :)
- Anonymous4 years ago
Oh god that made me cry): im so so so so sorry god
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- 3 years ago