Does this make sense to you? Why is she doing this?

I've finally come to the realization that my old college roommate has emotionally manipulated / blackmailed me for the past 10 years whenever I don't do what she wants me to do. We live in two different states (3.5 hours away) and have gone on two different paths, so we're just aren't close anymore. We don't talk or anything, but she invited me to her kids' birthday party. However, I said I'd rather travel to spend more substantial time together so we could try to rebuild our friendship. We came up with an alternate day for me to visit with her and her family, but she was still hurt that I opted out of the party. I feel distant and disconnected to her so I thought it would be more worthwhile to have a real visit so we could gain back a little of what was lost. I mean it's awkward traveling all that way to just basically be a warm body while she's hosting a party, entertaining kids and trying to get to her guests. I'd feel so phony since we aren't close. And she only has one day off of work so it's not even like an could stay over and spend the next day with her because she's working...

Anyway, when I wanted to confirm my visit, I asked her if she wanted to join me and our mutual friend the first day or if she just wanted me to come to her the next day. But she then replied saying she was "too hurt and upset to want to try to rebuild our friendship." I don't understand how a week prior to this, she said she wanted to rebuild and we came up with a day for a visit, but suddenly she changed completely once she found out I really wasn't going to the party.

She said inviting me to the party was to show how much I mean to her - if I meant that much to her wouldn't she respect my feelings and actually value the effort I was putting to try to substantially rebuild our friendship? After all, I'm the one making a 7-hour round trip drive. We don't talk and aren't close at all - why is skipping the party but visiting another day so upsetting and hurtful? Is it really enough for her to end our friendship? Do you have any insight to what's going on? She hasn't contacted me and it's been about two weeks...

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  • Anonymous
    7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    If you really want to build a serious friendship and find out why she acts like this, you should visit her again and ask her for it, because I don't think anyone here will know the reason of her behaviour better than herself.

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