z-ro asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 7 years ago

What do you think of this poem I wrote?

True Love

Been through the forest,

Asked every tree where he hid.

Conquered each mountain top

Seeking his face at the ridge.

Flew to the stars;

Asked of his whereabouts.

Interrogated the moon,

Hoping to flush him out.

Went to the sea;

Deepest part I could find.

Submerged my soul

And searched it for miles at a time.

Yet, this phantomly figure,

Legend, folklore;

Eternally eluded sight

'Till I searched no more

2 Answers

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  • P. W
    Lv 6
    7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    This is one of the few occasions where "True Love" has been personified as a man - and why not indeed!

    There are two uses of "asked", so for the sake of variety and drama, synonyms such as "appeal, apply, beg, beseech, claim, crave, demand, entreat, implore, petition, plead, pray, request, solicit, sue or supplicate" could be used.

    Unfortunately, you cannot "flush" anything out from the Moon, so you need a more congruent verb, as you did with "submerged" when writing about the sea.

    The whole poem is a bit downbeat, so it would perhaps be more satisfying if even a glimpse of TL could be seen.

  • Thomas
    Lv 7
    7 years ago

    Caleb

    The poem is very good and mysterious. The title ?

    What I like is the terse and powerful sentence structure.

    The lack of need for words such as "A" "The" "And" in

    the first 11 lines, so okay on Line 12, adds emphasis to

    the conclusion. You are good.

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