Could Someone Grade My Practice SAT Essay?

I wrote a practice essay for the SAT today, and I would really appreciate it if someone could grade it and provide feedback. Thank you in advance!

Prompt: Do people have to be highly competitive to succeed?

The following is my essay, copied verbatim from my paper:

Nature is characterized by competition. As detailed in Charles Darwin's The Origin of Species, natural selection ensures that species with traits beneficial to survival will pass them on to their offspring, while inferior species perish over time. In nature, animals compete for food; in society, humans compete for success. Competition has defined human history for centuries, and people must be as competitive as possible to succeed; otherwise, they will fall to the more competitive. Throughout history, there have been many cases that testify to this fact.

In the mid-18th century, the First Industrial Revolution began in the United Kingdom. The development of water-power textile mills, the steam engine, and the manifestation of mass production of goods drastically changed standards of living in Great Britain. The UK drew upon its vast coal reserves to power its factories and transportation as the 1700s gave way to the 1800s, and they made increasing use of iron ore. Soon, the UK became Europe's leader in technology, innovation, and industry, and other European countries such as France began to notice. By the mid- to late 1800s, not were the British an industrial power, but also the French and the Germans had industrialized and were catching up to British imperial might. Soon, nations all over Europe sought to industrialize and seize precious natural resources from Asian and African colonies to feed their industrial machines. The competitiveness of Western European nations during the 1700s and 1800s led to Europe's becoming the most advanced and developed continent on Earth, and to this day Europe remains highly influential. Had the French, Germans, and other continental Europeans not competed with the UK during the Industrial Revolution, the UK would be the clear leader in Europe today, and the rest of Europe would be nowhere near as wealthy.

Another testament to the role of competitiveness in success is the Asian economic boom in the post-WWII years. After WWII, much of Europe and Asia lay in ruins. Asia had suffered from years of destructive Japanese rule. However, in Taiwan, Singapore, and South Korea (the Asian Tigers), the people and their leaders wanted build great and economically powerful states to compete with the West in the global economy. For over 3 decades, the Asian Tigers, Japan, and other East and Southeast Asian countries saw annual GDP growth of 7-8% thanks to export-driven economic development funded primarily by governments that desired to force their way into the global market. Japan was particularly successful, pumping money into its auto industry and creating new electronics to claim the lion's share of the global market in these products. If the Asian nations had not had the competitive spirit to challenge Western economic dominance, they would not be as economically successful as they are today.

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    4. Your second example doesn't show any evidence that "if the Asian nations had not had the competitive spirit to challenge Western economic dominance, they would not be as economically successful." Try not to force examples (it sounds kind of forced), but rather use examples that clerly relate to the topic. You basically show that Asia became strong after WW2, state that they were competitive, but don't have evidence as to why Asia's competitiveness directly caused their success. Also, try and finish with a conclusion sentence. good luck.

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    Lv 5
    8 years ago

    You should try collegeboard.com and utilize the practice SAT essay. It will grade your essay and provide a list of essay of topics to practice with.

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