I'm a coMpLeTe EMbARrAsmeNT!! I hate mY lIFe! PleAsE HeLp?

okay. first of all i'd just like to apologize because i know this question is in the wrong category. but, i'm desperate and had to get answers fast. first, i'd just like to explain myself. i'm 14 years old. in my opinion, i dont see what's wrong with me.i get good grades, am smart, do chores,... show more okay. first of all i'd just like to apologize because i know this question is in the wrong category. but, i'm desperate and had to get answers fast. first, i'd just like to explain myself. i'm 14 years old. in my opinion, i dont see what's wrong with me.i get good grades, am smart, do chores, love sports and am typically the PERFECT kid for an all-american normal family. you dont know HOW BADLY i wish i was in a normal white/black or any american culture family. not that i hate my race, but i hate my parents/culture. they make me feel like i'm such an embarrasment or shame. everytime we visit relatives, i always feel like their looking down on me. because i cant speak somali. i can understand it. but i cant speak it so i always reply in english. I feel so dumb not knowing how to speak my language. generally, i wouldnt even care. but my parents/relatives make it such a big deal. so when ever relatives come over, i dont talk and talk the least. so theey think i'm shy or stupid. i admit i have MAJOR SELF-ESTEEM issues everytime i'm with them. but how could i NOT when their constantly judging me!!!! when i was younger i was talking to grandma on the phone, cuz my dad told me too. so i was talking to her, but she doesn't know much english. so she kept saying "speak somali" and i just stood there in PLAIN EMBARRASMENT. i didnt know what to do. when my dad took the phone to talk to her, my dad told her i was the oldest (which i am) and my grandma kept saying "no, she's not the oldest" in shock. obviously, because she thought i was young because i couldn't even speak. I HATE THIS!!!! and you couldn't believe my dad's face....he looked so embarrased because of me!! i felt sooo worthless. now, this happeneed about 2 years ago. Now, my grandma is coming in REAL LIFE to visit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG! I KNOW, i'm going to embarras my family. i dont fit in with my relatives,at school, with strangers...HONESTLY!! I HATE MY LIFE!! even my dad thinks i'm dumb......but the truth is I'M NOT!!! i'm actually smart...i have passions. i LOVE to write music, i love allah, i love school. I WISH POEPLE WOULD JUST GIVE ME CHANCE... maybe this is a reality check.....even when it was school this other somali girl made fun of me for not knowing how to speak somali. (i'm in 8th grade..going to 9th after summer). i ussually hide the fact i don't know somali and try to avoid, because i think it's not important. since i live in canada. but everyone keeps judging me on it. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DOO!! AND MY GRANDMA IS COMING IN ABOUT 6 HOURS....omg. i dont want to feel embarrased or ashamed. i wish i was dead. i've thought about killing myself before she comes. but i'm smart enough to know that wont solve anything. but, STILL! my life is full of problems.......i just want to be that all-american teen That goes to the beach in the summer and just has fun. but, for me...all i have is PROBLEMS!! please.....WHAT SHOOULD I DO? any advice will help. i'm desperate
9 answers 9