how to stop 17 yo from being a dead beat dad?
My 17 year old and his gf are expecting. They both live in my house. He is now finished school and has a great job that pays well. We have told them they can stay as long as they need. We have not been charging them rent while they were in school and haven't started yet. My son says he loves his gf, but she is 5 months along and all they do is fight. He says he doesn't want the baby, she does. He wants her to give it up, she wont. He doesnt want to lose her but says he may kick her to the curb if she keeps it, she says she will dump him if he tries to force an adoption. He says he wants nothing to do with the baby even if she keeps it. He gets mad when she asks for money for crib (which we bought since he wouldn't) or carseat, stroller etc. I'm all for helping them, but not paying for life. I refuse to pay any more except the occassional outfit as grandmas do. My son says we are not thinking about him or his feelings and he should get all his money since he worked for it. my hubby and i have talked about kicking him out and letting her and baby stay if he's gonna be such a spoiled selfish brat. I have 4 kids 23-14 and the other 3 are not selfish like that. How do I get him see this baby as a good thing and he will still have his life and money to spend.
- 8 years ago
First off, I am sure this is all natural. He is probably working through it by being selfish and manipulative. I have two sons and thought of if this situation did occur. I would support the baby. (I say baby, because that is what would come first to me). I would push them to go to school or get a secure career. If my son was pushing the girl to the curb and her parents were too then I would take her in. Make my son go somewhere else if he could not man up and take care of his responsibility. I would then help her till she went to trade school or finished college. It is hard because I would not want to enable my son, but a baby is the most important part of the situation and not my pride, or son.
- Anonymous8 years ago
This is a scary thing for a boy that age, i think when the baby comes along, he will realize how important he/she is. I know he thinks no ones thinking about him, but he's not exactly thinking of the baby either. Growing up not knowing why your father doesn't want you isnt easy, I'm 18 this year and he still refuses to talk to me, there's many questions i have that won't be answered. That baby shouldn't go through that. Abortion i believe, should be up to the mother! To be brutally honest, if he's was this concerned about spending his money on a child he helped create, he shouldn't have created it in the first place (not to bad talk him by any means!!!). I hope this helps!(:
- HannahLv 68 years ago
At this point, there's really not much you can do. Are you familiar with any other young dads? Or men who had babies young but grew into loving fathers who provided for their children? If so, try getting your son to talk to them.
Imagine how scared and confused he is right now. It's normal for him to be pretty resenting towards the baby--it's going to turn his entire life upside down when it comes and it's a scary, scary thought, especially if he's not ready to grow up yet, and what 17 year old wants to grow up and have all that responsibility?
There's always the possibility that when the baby's born he'll fall head over in heels in love with it. That's how most dads are anyway, it takes them until the baby is born and in their arms to truly realize how much they love it. After the baby's born make sure you're there to help babysit and care for it, especially if your son will still be living with you. Get him exposed to his baby and continue to make sure he help pays for it. The girlfriend can always file for court ordered child support.Source(s): My boyfriend had a daughter when he was 16. He doesn't provide for her financially and he actually just started getting involved in her life. It can take time :p
- CaptainLv 68 years ago
He sounds fairly responsible, but still immature. Once he decided to "play house"...move girlfriend in, have sex (and now she is pregnant), etc. He signed up for this and it is unfortunate he is having regrets but it is no longer his choice.
I probably wouldn't be as nice as you. If he is working, he pays rent. What you do with that money is up to you. If YOU decide to use that money to buy a crib, carseat, etc that is very nice of you. If YOU decide to use it for the house or yourself, that is fine as well. But don't let him take advantage of you and allow him to live there w/ his pregnant girlfriend for free, and expect you to buy baby stuff because he doesn't want to grow up.
Sure, he can be scared. But he needs to take responsibility. Have you asked him to try to put himself in her shoes? How scary for her...young and pregnant, he is threatening to break up with her if she doesn't have give the baby up, and she lives in your house. She does not have him as a support system and probably walks on eggshells with the rest of the family so she doesn't get kicked out at this trying time.
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- Linda RLv 78 years ago
YOU need to sit down, with your son, and let him know the reason why his girl friend is 'sensitive right now' is due to the hormones raging through her body and he needs to understand this and NOT argue with her so much.
Since they are NOT married - he can NOT force her to abort or give the baby up for adoption....your son needs to GROW UP and accept the fact he will soon be a father and he will have responsibilities.
- Anonymous4 years ago
i believe that if the daddy is a deadbeat, that's extra effective that he no longer be contained in the childs existence besides. My wonderful buddy has 4 little ones with a similar deadbeat. He has now been thoroughly out of their existence for over a three hundred and sixty 5 days and they have better a lot contained in the way they act, how they respond to persons and, for the oldest one which is in college, her grades have lengthy gone up. he's no longer there anymore to conquer the hell out of them or her, or to sit down round, yell and drink and do drugs. incredibly, they have a recurring, usual, without drugs, eating or the abuse. no longer all deadbeat dads are abusive, yet in the adventure that they are deadbeat contained in the first position, they ought to stay faraway from the infant so as that the infant does no longer study it. the mission contained in the first position is that those fathers (and commonly moms, e.g. Britney Spears) the way in which to be a deadbeat from society, therefore to resign having deadbeats, we'd want to resign training it. human beings might want to take a stand on what's perfect and what's no longer perfect. as an example, the mother is continually seen because the suitable make sure and fathers are frequently close out of having complete custody for this reason, in spite of the indisputable fact that if the mother isn't a suitable caretaker. yet with the help of taking a stand and publicly shutting a mom who's truly unacceptable in infant care out, it shows that the added effective make sure is the only which would want to preserve the little ones, no longer in basic terms the mother. that's occuring contained in the media now, very publicly with Spears. Many little ones are extra effective off with in basic terms one make sure, fantastically if the different is abusive. there is little study that would want to state the actual indisputable fact that behavioral complications stem from one make sure households, they commonly stem from one make sure households that were at one time, even as the infant replaced into growing to be up a 2 make sure better 0.5 and little ones with an inadequate and mentally or bodily abusive mothers and fathers.
- The GeejLv 68 years ago
I'm kinda with you on kicking him out and keeping his girlfriend (and your grandbaby) with you. You could tell him that you, as a parent, decided to treat him, who is also a parent now, how he is treating his child. Tell him that by cutting him off and disowning him, you're doing to him what he's doing to his own child.
Edit: Oh, and also tell him this doesn't get him off the hook because kicked out or not, he has to pay financially for this baby whether he wants to or not because the child is his biologically so the law commands that he does, (called Child Support), or he'll go to jail.
- CeceliaLv 48 years ago
He is probably terrified at the thought of becoming a parent. You can suggest going to counseling but that will only work if he wants it to. This is an unfortunate situation.
I support you kicking him out and supporting your grandchild and it's mother the best you can if he continues to act out.
- CorinaLv 78 years ago
support her, if he doesnt come around .. kick him out!
and let her no you are their for her, shes probably dieing inside having to hear him talk to her like that!
- yLv 78 years ago
He is still scared and he isn't ready. For many, it takes time, al you can do is hope it clicks before his time runs out.