Should I leave my girlfriend because of drug use?
I should preface this by saying that I am young. I'm only 20, and I feel that I have so much ahead of me. All my life, I watched my mother, my aunt, and my grandmother struggle with their husbands' addictions to alcohol and drugs. My family has been torn to shreds countless times because of my grandpa's indirect abuse when we were growing up.
I've been with my girlfriend for 11 months now. Everything is perfect. She takes care of me, she's so good to me. I never even dreamt something was wrong with our relationship until recently. I started wondering when I realized (very early into the relationship) how she managed to stay so clean and ambitious when all of her friends and family seemed very... troubled. They all suffer from a lot of drug use and alcoholism. So it surprised me when she told me that she only has a beer on occasion.
I started to get a little worried about five months in when I saw her get very very drunk visiting her mother. She drank for 12 hours straight that day and told me she loved me for the first time under the influence. It was very hurtful. But I overlooked it. Because it was "just alcohol". Everyone drinks, I thought.
Well, not long after, I saw that she had googled vyvanse when she handed me her phone to google directions to this city we were going to. I didn't really think about it, until I was cleaning her new trailer. Her roommates had just moved out and I was cleaning up her old bedroom and found some pills in a bag in her room. There was a bag of plain white round pills, all unmarked, and a bag of round pink speckled with red pills. They were in a bag with vicodin from when she had her tooth pulled. I convinced myself that they were just vitamins. I didn't want her to think I was accusing her. I love her so much.
Finally, just recently, she's been acting very strangely. She'll ignore my texts for hours at night. She's started hanging out with new friends that I do NOT trust one bit. I found out that she's had an arrest record for weed, DUI, and possession of controlled substance through a background check. I spent the evening at her house and I did something I should not have done. I checked her google history.
Back in April, she had googled "how to have fun with percocet" and "oxycodone" and "how to intensify percocet 30". I didn't think that she had still been using. I knew she had in the past. But I thought it was all over. I would never dream this girl would be into something so dangerous. My family, my friends.. none of them ever questioned anything.
Finally, after she spent the day hiding her phone (something she's NEVER been weird about), I did something else. I checked her texts from this creepy "friend" of hers. I found out that she had taken shrooms while I was at work a few weeks ago.
I know I shouldn't be like this. I should've talked with her about it a long time ago. But I've told her so many times how scared I am of being with someone who uses. Someone who will become an alcoholic. I can't live like that. I can't trust her now. I need to talk to her. But I think that I am ready to leave.
But I just keep envisioning her taking down all the photos of us. Alone in this house. It breaks my heart. It's scaring me and I can't stop crying. I just want her to be healthy and safe. But I need to protect myself as well. I can't let myself stay with someone who's going to lie to me and do these things behind me. What can I do?
I think what I would like to do is break things off but remain in her life. I want to be by her side and get her help if she wants it. But I am afraid that once I bring all of this to light and she will feel accused and never speak to me again. I keep thinking about all the possibilities... what if she's home alone depressed and OD's? I want to be by her side through this but at the same time, I've seen my mom and my grandma "work through it"... some people never change. Some people take away the chances of their partner's lives because they're struggling so much with addiction. Is it selfish of me to think that way?
I want everyone to know that I talked with her tonight. She did fess up to using the shrooms and to smoking and using marijuana behind my back. After lying a lot, she fessed up to it, and she apologized. After a lot of crying and a lot of discussion, I told her that I could not longer be with her. She said she understood and we agreed to stay friends. She still denies the use of the percocet. I hope with everything in me that she is telling me the truth because I want her to be healthy and safe. I was just letting everyone know that you really did help a lot with your input. Thank you, yahoo answers. So much.
- 8 years agoFavorite Answer
I would normally say, help her but, to be honest, she has not been completely honest with you. Without trust in a relationship you have nothing. You might want to talk to her first before you make any decisions, especially since you are feeling vulnerable in this situation. If she becomes defensive or shows signs that she has no intention on leaving the mind altering substances behind then you need to focus on yourself. You cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first. This is your duty to yourself. If you don't protect yourself, then you are no good to help anyone else. I think you have the right idea. Break the relationship off and let her know that you are there for her. If she wants to change she will take your help with open arms to both save your relationship and save her life. I wish you the best!Source(s): experience
- Anonymous8 years ago
Your trust is gone so you have no relationship. What you had was built on lies. As you've seen addiction is the real star of every relationship with an addict. No one else stands a chance and you can't change anyone. People decide these things for ourselves. All you can do is stick to your guns and demand honesty and a substance-free gf. Sounds reasonable and easily do-able. The world is your oyster. Stop suffering and get back in the game.
- 8 years ago
I understand what your going through. The best thing you can do is have a serious conversation with her about how your feeling, and let her know that if she dosent change there's no future for the both of you. I passed through that with my boyfriend and after talking to him he finally understood and changed for the best now where happily married. If she dosent change then she obiously dosent care enough about you. And plus your too young to be dealing with that but if your truely love her talk to her and make her see that what she's doing is wrong and that she must stop her behavor because is tearing you guys apart.
- 5 years ago
Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/WNph1
Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.
The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.
Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.
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- Anonymous8 years ago
In light of everything you just said I would break up with her. It might be hard but its the right thing to do.
- 8 years ago
Just show her this and work over
- ?Lv 48 years ago
Dump that scaggy 81tc#. She'll only drag you down.