Is living together before marriage a good idea, why or why not?
Instead of going shopping for rings, couples are often depicted exchanging key rings as a sign of taking the next step in their relationship together. So what do you think about this? Good idea or bad idea? Share with us your thoughts or experiences!
- 7 years agoFavorite Answer
Personal experience tells me "NO, not a good idea."
Unless there is an established legal commitment to each other prior to cohabitation, then the odds are that one member is setting up the other one for a great fall.
@Mad Dog - I understand your logic. So, please feel free to go out and marry a car, because potential spouses are nothing more than a material object that you can trade in for a better one later, eh?Source(s): Been married twice to ladies I hadn't even kissed before proposing to them. Both have been angels. The first one died from unsuspected and rapidly developing acute leukemia (the nursing staff was kind to me, because I was the only husband who slept on the floor of my wife's hospital room while she was slowly dying); happy to report, the second wife is still going strong. If you aren't willing to sacrifice everything you have for a genuine "until death do we part" life partner, then you don't deserve the Love he/she offers. Proverbs: Chapter 31 I Corinthians: Chapter 13 EDIT: I forgot to add that I found them both using Yahoo!Personals. Thank you, Yahoo! I'll forgive Y!A for not picking this as the best answer... It isn't "politically correct" to endorse ANY religion. Yes? (Or, can I be granted an exception?)
- John RLv 77 years ago
Like most things, and especially things relating to relationships, it depends. You might expect that it would offer a chance to find out "how compatible" you are, but that's a dangerous game to play - that's what the Honeymoon Period is designed to address: the shock of finding out just how different the real person you married is, from the romanticised ideal you thought you were dating. By the time reality gradually sets in, you've had a chance to come to terms with it during the "grab-and-go" initial period of living together, and then getting a divorce is such a pain, it's often easier to find ways to deal with it. Living together before marriage bypasses the honeymoon phase for many of us, since we're still living our regular lives, and then there's no divorce to act as an incentive to hold on and see if it can be worked out - so it's only too easy to leave in a snit, a tiff or even high dudgeon over things that are relatively minor. On the other hand, the other effect of the honeymoon period (that being pregnancy) can also come into play. Still, it's not necessarily a bad idea for many of us; some couples find out their tolerance limits only when living together, and it's probably better to do that before the marriage than afterwards. It's also pretty useful for exposing some of the more critical "incompatibilities", especially with regard to sex. That's one of the most powerful forces in a relationship - ranking right up there with money; if it's good and stays good, almost anything else can be tolerated. If it's not good, everything else better be pretty amazing.
Still, overall, I'd go with "generally not a good idea", but with the understanding that every couple is a unique combination, and it's hard to learn if you don't make mistakes.
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- livewyreLv 77 years ago
for what it's worth, my opinion:
There may come a point in a relationship where you are thinking about taking your relationship to the 'next' level IE: where it could end up with family commitments...
(forget whether a ring or a church is involved - you may not appreciate that the Bible prescribes no ceremony and does not distinguish between living together and being 'married')
There are a lot of people that prescribe to there being 'the one' out there, and that living together helps to work out if this is the 'one' - this is complete trash (sorry) and is an excuse to decide after a time, that oh no, this isn't the 'one' after all...
The reality 'should' be that we come to a decision as a couple, that we are going to commit to each other come what may - and if both parties commit to it, (whether over a key ring, or a golden one..) it will last. However the non-committal way is now the norm - 'I'll try you out' with no obligation to 'buy' is the prevailing attitude and leads to one or the other being 'unhappy' unfulfilled' or whatever and inevitable break up (exactly why most 'lived together' couples end up splitting up -not ALL of course)
Now marriage of course is perceived as a serious commitment - so serious that many do actually back out before it happens - a symptom that they realise that it won't work when they give it deep thought. Most couples that begin to live together probably don't give THAT level of thought to their decision - IE: the 'this is a once-off decision that you must commit to and work at for the rest of your life...' that you would apply to marriage.
Hence, because of the casual way in which a 'living together' relationship can happen, naturally some of those relationships were never going to last the course of time - and for those who DID consider carefully the commitment before they made it, chances are that many of them are still together and are to all intents and purposes 'married'.
So if I have to answer in short form, I say it's not a good idea because it is something that is easier to get into than marriage, but the commitment needed for the relationship to survive is exactly the same as it would be for a marriage - in my most humble opinion.
I think it is beholden on a couple who want to be in a serious relationship (and possibly raise a family) to commit (see how many times I used that word - and I'm a bloke!) to seeing it through - mutual trust is paramount, and nothing says trust like a wedding ring.Source(s): life
- Anonymous7 years ago
No because then you aren't showing them that you can be committed. It is a sign that all they want is an easy pass out in case things get rocky they can just skip out. There is no such thing as a "test run" before marriage. You know what you are getting into way before you tie the knot with a person, and if you don't its because someone is holding back, and that is already going to be a problem in a fresh marriage. Do not live together, it doesn't make any sense. Make a commitment, put a ring on it, and start packing after the wedding, you will be so glad you did!!
- 7 years ago
No, marriage is what we are made of. and living together you try and if you don't like released, never serious or always be insecure step. and the marriage when you're there you work at, give more than you receive. get to know before that it is the best on away you will share things or do thing, you can spend time and time and when you realize become a part of the family and that's the main reason to unite a big family.
- TalynLv 67 years ago
I would say it is! Why not "test the waters" and see how things are? It's a bad idea to jump into something like marriage + living together without having any experience in the latter. You're going to be doing this for (hopefully) a long time, so you might as well try living together before marriage and see if there's a routine you can set up beforehand, and you can get the annoying pet peeves pinned down and out of the way (she leaves the fridge door open all the time, he doesn't turn the TV off when leaving the house). Otherwise these little things could end up being unwanted stressors down the road and you know how it is.
"Goddamnit, EVERY SINGLE TIME! You leave the peanut butter knives all over the counter EVERY SINGLE TIME!"
"Damnit, woman! What about you rearranging my underwear drawer! I can't find my favorite boxers when you're canoodling with my linens!!"
- Anonymous7 years ago
For all the success stories we see, there are actually more
"failures". But that's a good thing, right? I mean, it was a "test",
right? If it didn't work out, then cool- you saved yourself alot of headache.
Not according to USA Today. The study reveals several interesting points.
For instance, of the couples who live together first, the eventually marriage
success rate is approximately 18 percent. That's shocking. What it says
is that you have a shockingly less chance of an eventual marriage working out.
They went on to speculate that "living together" is a strong recipe for short-term
relationships, not long-term.
But how about all the success stories we all know about? They live together 6 or 7 years and now have been successfully married for several additional years.
The problem lies in the math. The couples that married can actually be seen- and counted. The couples that didn't succeed can not be seen, hence no visible comparisons. We only "see" the ones that still exist. Yet, as the old axiom goes, "what you don't see can hurt you."
For most, the promise of cohabition actually acts as an incentive NOT to get married. Or as my sister explained to me in plain English- "Why buy the milk when you already have the cow?" Great point.
She added "if living together before marriage is a true positive, then why do the same people, stastically, also have more affairs? Its because they believe its
okay to have sex before marriage. If you live with one person before marriage, you'll do it again.Source(s): USA Today http://www.leaderu.com/critical/cohabitation-socio...
- 7 years ago
It truly depends on your relationship and lifestyle. I have lived with my bf for several years and we plan on being married soon. For us it has indeed been challenging but also exciting and fulfilling. We honor and respect each other as if we were married. We work, love and live together interdependently instead of independently. It actually would be pretty difficult for either of us to leave. Marriage isn't a guarantee that things will work out or that your partner wont stray. A marriage contract looks like a prison sentence and getting out will take a lot of money. I still believe in marriage because i dont believe in divorce.
- Anonymous7 years ago
Yes but not too soon, you need to have first known this person for a while to start living together. It's a good idea because then you will know them a lot more before you get married and also it will take all the hassle of finding a house after spending a lot of money on a house just after you've got married which would have also been expensive! Hope this helped.x