Can you just humor me on this?

Question

I am again evolving

towards a deeper meaning in life

traveling in time like Billy Pilgrim

except my war is friendship

on the internet.

My moral is marriage

where I meant no disrespect.

I bonded with a man

you must understand it was

while playing an innocent game

only our brains engaged

in chat.

Yes, bless me father for I had fun

looking at books, sharing opinion

injected with humor.

I spoke of that avatar as if

he was my best friend.

I told my husband about him

so no guilt would creep in

he knows how I am

I could tell by his face

the face that I see with

a mouth that moves when

he talks to me

not some character

frozen without expression.

I saw a slight fright pass

from his eyes telling me

to be wise.

He was right.

My typing fingers

that transmits my silly

need to make me want

people to believe they

are wonderful to me,

typed compliments.

There was a pause,

and then words appear

"I feel sorry for your husband."

Suddenly I felt dirty,

like I just stepped out

of the back room in a video store,

quickly reapplying my lipstick.

In my mind, my comments

were a bear hug

a playful punch to his arm.

Intuition had whispered before the scream.

He was honest from the beginning

he wasn't looking for a tease.

His secret need was abuse.

I felt little slaps prior to that

I was bled in another lifetime

I just didn't want to see

maybe I asked for it

or misunderstood

strategic placement of words.

But the pause said it all

I started to beg ignorance

I'm not flirting, we're friends.

But the pause didn't end.

I've disappeared

still there but gone

I see him looking for me

He would say he's sorry

and we would laugh like

old friends.

But I have buried him

deep within

we'll never chat again.

Update:

Thanks to everyone- I feel better after your visit.

Himedal- you are a cutie never stop flirting, but only with those that understand the rules. Yes he will stay buried to me forever because he hit me where he knew it would hurt making me feel I was being unfaithful- and then sat back to watch me feel "sorry for doing something wrong." When all along I was just being me -- It's complicated -- I forgot STRANGER/DANGER--lol.

Yes Dave you got it!

Update 2:

Thanks to everyone- I feel better after your visit.

Himedal- you are a cutie never stop flirting, but only with those that understand the rules. Yes he will stay buried to me forever because he hit me where he knew it would hurt making me feel I was being unfaithful- and then sat back to watch me feel "sorry for doing something wrong." When all along I was just being me -- It's complicated -- I forgot STRANGER/DANGER--lol.

Yes Dave you got it!

Answer 1

Favorite Answer

I felt the self-consciousness and hurt all the way through this. It's very easy to get drawn into this world. I have told myself not to let comments hurt my feelings, this place isn't real. But, then I realize you all are people just like me sitting in front of a screen. It isn't real but it is.

Great job!

Answer 2

so what are you going to do now? have you really buried an old friend? I think I need to stop flirting people around me. LOL

Answer 3

There's a lot of pain evident in this poem. You excel at capturing emotion...and yes, pauses can speak volumes.

Answer 4

Easy done, it's happened many times before. A great piece of writing Doe.

Answer 5

If ONLY we could all behave like Vonnegut's character, we may be slightly better off.

Wonderful poem.

Answer 6

Boy am I glad this isn't about You and Me.

A chilling melodrama in stanzas.

Answer 7

The Internet is a strange land. Be careful where you step.

Answer 8

Welcome to the second lesson of the Internet: be careful. The first lesson is also that, only capitalized! Good that you moved on.