Zach asked in HealthMental Health · 8 years ago

I am 35 and still a virgin?

Like the title says, I'm a 35 year old guy and I'm still a virgin. I never kissed a woman before as well and certainly never had a girlfriend.

Throughout my teens and university years I was always too focused on my studies because I had a hard time getting my degree. My social life suffered a lot thanks fo this, but I would got out once in a while, had my fair share of booze but my contacts with women were always very shallow. A nice chat and a few smiles at most.

Most of my friends at the time were going through so many rough things with their girlfriends that I thought it was better to stay away from the whole scenario.

Apart from this, I never saw myself as good looking and I'm prety much average on the rest: intelligence, personality etc. If any woman ever had an interest in me she certainly never showed it.

After university came work and the first years were pure madness, I worked like 11 hours a day. I used to put extra hours for others because 'I was young and single', so I had time.

I'm 35 now and I'm pretty much settled in my life. I have my own house, two cars and go abroad as much as possible. I usually come home tired at the end of the day, I have a rough play with my dog, try some stuff from Nigella Lawson's books or simply go to sleep if I feel like to.

And I keep being the best man at a number of weddings. At weekends, since I don't have many single friends left, there's not much of a social life. I usually put my time into the book I'm writing.

I'd like to have children but when I think better I would be an awful father and I couldn't bring someone to suffer in this world. I don't want to be like my father, who had major anger issues (I've inherited that unfortunately) and should have never got married or had children. Only my mother knows what she went through with him.

Unless I lose my job, my life path is very much defined. Is it normal NOT to bother about this? Am I a freak specimen?

3 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    It sounds like you are pretty happy with your life, and that is in big parts the life you wanted. Maybe you don't need a life with girlfriend or wife and kids. Guys can make the decision to change all that later in life, even though being an older dad means maybe not being around when the kids are older.

    If you feel that it is your anger issues that is keeping you from having a family, do something about it now, there are good therapists that can help and are helping a lot of people with those kind of problems. Some things about ourselves that we don't like can be changed, we chose much more of our personality than most people think. It can be difficult to do it on your own, but surprisingly doable with the help of a therapist that is really good. Or it is a biological imbalance, and can be medicated (less likely).

    Good luck,

    Source(s): Many years as a mental health professional
  • 8 years ago

    No you're not a freak and it is normal. Some people choose not to go down that path and that's totally okay. It's like choosing the road not taken. You should just get involved in multiple activities where you can meet new people and if you happen to find a girl who just happens to like you, you could have something you've never expected to have.

  • Dice
    Lv 5
    8 years ago

    dude...being a virgin is awesome. I suggest looking for a girlfriend now but stay a virgin until marriage. you are so cool

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