When did "personal responsibility" beome "victim blaming?"?

First off, I want to say I'm not one of those @ss hats who judges something they don't know personally, I have this nice big track-record of being victimized as a child and adult; it's only in the last couple of years that I've broken away, and through my time with various therapy and support... show more First off, I want to say I'm not one of those @ss hats who judges something they don't know personally, I have this nice big track-record of being victimized as a child and adult; it's only in the last couple of years that I've broken away, and through my time with various therapy and support groups, I've noticed something.....

Last year, I was raped. I met a man, I invited him home for sex, and when we were in my room he quickly overpowered me and...well, let's just say he was into a few things I wasn't, and apparently me saying "stop" didn't mean I wanted to stop, just that I didn't realize I was enjoying it. It was rape, and it was treated as rape, and I received therapy for rape.

Now, I recognize that he was the one who chose to commit a violent sexual act, but I also recognize that, hey, if you invite strange men into your bedroom you risk sexual violence against yourself. I was a very easy target, and I got hurt. I don't blame myself for it; I made a mistake, it happens. But I don't think it's healthy for me to blame him exclusively; I put myself at risk, and I have to take responsibility for that.

However, I've found that whenever I express that opinion about myself and my own actions, EVERY other rape survivor in the group starts squawking about "victim blaming" and how I'm clearly "still in the victim mentality." I work, I go to college, I raise my son, and I'm now in a healthy relationship with several healthy friends; I'm doing really well and I'm exceptionally happy...how is that still in the victim mentality? I know victim mentality; I would still be targeting and attracting abusers, I'd be depressed and anxious, I'd be unable to hold down a job, etc. But I'm not...I'm doing well.

Regardless of how well I'm doing, I don't think it's unreasonable of me or "victim shaming" to accept that I had a hand in what happened to me. I don't blame myself or absolve my rapist, but I do accept personal responsibility for my own actions; when did that become a bad thing?
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