do you like my writing strategy; do you feel the tone, do you think I am a good writer?
I could adhere to rules, and possibly formulate a traditional essence,
Though, choosing not to, I proclaim my division.
It is then where confessions take place with limited room for authorial personalisation.
Remembering a days of misfortune, gladly as it seems, it really wasn't -
It is the loss and pity, sympathise for my gradual submissive witty -
though, it hurts. At times, I recall incurring causes inflicting pain, as if it dropped heavy
magnet rain, or meteors. Though, it hurts pain. Sharp and bruising, resembles paper's cuts worst
cruising. Infusing my blood in my senses and intuition, I do the wholesome of the picture brighter.
She had rejected me for my disabilities, although fortunate then I had tolerated to broaden the view,
whereby, I'd seen she missed out on the utmost bright bacchanalian abilities I have. They are mine, those which I truly posses, when diminished, only resemble echo and shadow; like fat bombs dropping on Japan, the indispensable effect they entice. Isn't it nice that she'd missed out on my capabilities and confessions, my artistic lessons and the most important thing, patience carried in my faith, withheld like a carpet of Sindbad cruising heavens. Ok so, then, leave it where it is, most paradoxically, neither did I adorn her nor fervor her ample outlook. Though, there is one that stirs parallel strikes, falling down, approaching my essence, she'd left me scarce, for plenty of my wisdom had been devoted for her intellect, her soul, better off her heart and withstanding my beliefs with her eternity. My lord forgive.
It is humorous to see how there are numerous thumbs up for nightmares' comment. As a matter of fact, I am momentarily laughing at this, because it boosts my ego as you people deduce I'd used a thesaurus, when truly, I had not. I feel talented, thankfully. Thank you all audience.
That's the whole point. It is evocative and urges the use of imagery. Even so, the whole plot of this allegory pertains egotism and humanistic approaches. My intend is to distribute a sense of altering and enlightenment to the typical reader's traditional foresight of what they seek to be aesthetic means. This is a highly self-expressive domain of jargon use, and truly adheres to art; though, I am not here to dissect my piece, the point is, it is naturally meant to summon this sense of egotism in your realms of perception - nakedly, the reason is so that it suffices my beliefs and implements my confidence; in other means, 'I'd conquered it all - I'm in an adventure of denial, lust and procure - though, faith had been there all along to justify my intellect out of this pathos and walk me into aesthetic Venus. Although, again, it is humorous since I'd never loved this woman - and truly, it isn't pity for my 'temporal' despair state I should be indulged
-indulged with, rather, for her sake - that I'd simply withdrawn her into a philosophy she does not dissolve. Like the majority of you :) It is reasonably fair, inductively or deductively; 'too ample is wretched; too scarce is enriched' Thank you fellas!
REPLY: Little Kaleidoscope -
Constructive criticism... 'this is -not- an acceptable way of writing a story, and that if you continue to write like this - in this particular style with this excess of ridiculous words - then you will go nowhere.'... I do not see how this is constructive. Also, I don't think you are trying to help me, because even if, It is me that shall be helping your kind. Trust me dear person, I am convinced with my style, and if you do not adhere to it, then you'd missed out on a big portion. I'm used to hear of fans like your kind, it is truly acceptable, I can't change your perception. You're simply not grasping on to my level, and of course, it is totally fine. I must defend my rhetoric, for it is a talent that manifests wisdom. Do speak to me friend, what art thou made of?
'I'm sorry, but as I've said before, if you want to take a step forward then you're going to have to take a step back...' - There is sincerely
Reply to Nightmare -
Fair enough on the 'directive' and pedagogic part for your attempt to awaken me. 'If you want to be a real writer, take your head out of your posterior and listen!!!!!. (Nightmare)' - I think I like the tone of this, it sounds a bit like a shrew... However, I do not like your judgement and assertive means - again, this is my style. A big part of my style is an attempt to revolutionise writing as Shakespeare had foremerly done... I am trying to play with grammar and words - 'word play' etc.
continuation to Little Kaleidioscope - 'I'm sorry, but as I've said before, if you want to take a step forward then you're going to have to take a step back...' - There is sincerely no need to apologize to me. I can take on from here. However, I do strongly disagree with you: I can not take a step back, isn't that impossible to do? For us humans, to go back in time? Even if time is not the motif, is it logical to 'take a step back' when you're resting upon a kingdom of gold, silk fabrics and bacchanalian visions - I'm on a throne I beseech the Lord. Heavenly kind of course, and eternity in ease I do hope. Though, it is my personal faith; and if you do not adhere to this writing - it is unfortunate.
'A bunch of rascals...'
Nightmares - That really hurts and cuts a knife in my brittle veins. Are you serious? How can I be no native speaker? I'd moved to the western pines of Canada when I was in grade six, I had been back to the middle east the past three years. 'I am a foreigner' This is ridicule. I feel disgust and as If I am dramatically going to throw up. Ugh. I am Shakespeare soon to be.
Reply to -
"It's not help you're after - you're after adoration, which you will not get with this kind of attitude." - I have to be very honest here, this truly had entwined my ears tightly. Rigidly speaking, I am strong and defensive. Truly speaking, I am fragile and do sink in love.
Dr. Fruitloops - 'o_o' I stunned by your writing. It is like stone; strong. I do apologise if I have thrown out 'unprofessional' expressions, however, I am just moved by means that these people are criticizing me negatively. I do love my style and I am unique, I can't be you or someone else. They are not so nice about it. It hurts. However though, I do apologise for any misconceptions, love and care to all. Thank you. This topic should be the resolution.
*am... :P... ok anyhow, thank you everyone, including nightmares and such.
- 8 years agoFavorite Answer
It looks as if you have swallowed a thesaurus and then thrown up all over your MS Word document.
EDIT: It is good when you're descriptive. It's bad when you're so descriptive that your readers have to have have their own thesaurus to hand just to understand what the hell you're on about.
"It is evocative and urges the use of imagery"
No, it's ridiculous and urges the use of a dictionary.
Stop trying to sound clever. You might well be an awesome writer, but right now all you're doing is hiding behind big words (most of which are actually grammatically incorrect... "my intend is to"? I think you'll find that should be "intention"). Take away the fancy words, write a basic paragraph normally, and for the love of all good writers, learn to take criticism. Don't ask for it, then basically say "You're all wrong!". If you want an ego boost show this to your mum and dad. If you want to be a real writer, take your head out of your posterior and listen!!!!!
"it sounds a bit like a shrew" - A shrew is a small mole-like mammal...
By your grammar I am convinced that you're not even a native English speaker. You might have a huge vocabulary, but I read through and have to say that your grammar sounds...foreign. Sorry if it isn't true, but it was the impression I got.
***LAST EDIT***: Okay, I was wrong, but as I said that was the impression I got. I apologise for that misconception.
I'm sorry sweetheart, but you are no Shakespeare - the difference between you and Shakespeare is that I can actually understand what Shakespeare is on about.
What everyone here has been trying to say for the last two hours is that you do NOT need to hide behind all of these big words! I am sure that you are a wonderful, very talented writer. You just need to stop thinking that you have to use big words to be a good writer. Look at the recent bestselling authors - J. K Rowling, Cecelia Ahern and, although not recent, J.R.R Tolkien - they do not use big words constantly, and they are still amazing. Take a leaf out of their book.
I wish you the best and hope that, someday, you realise what we're trying to tell you.
- Anonymous8 years ago
Like Beautiful Nightmare said, it feels like you've swallowed a Thesaurus and are just using words to 'boast' about your vocabulary. Being a good writer doesn't necessarily mean you have an enormous vocabulary that you have to use at every opportunity, but that you know when and where to use the necessary words. When reading a story, the reader should feel immersed into the story and 'forget' that they are reading - it should be a seamless transition into your story world and the plot. It should also be clear to the reader what is going on.
Although I don't doubt that you have a wide vocabulary, this whole piece felt forced, and I have absolutely no idea what is going on. It is also very hard to read and very hard to immerse myself into what it is that you're trying to say (which is probably what has lead to me not understanding this piece).
People don't want to have to put down the book and pick up a dictionary every time they don't know what a word means (it's okay every once in a while, but here it is excessive).
I would suggest you go back, leave the thesaurus on the shelf, and write this piece in the simplest of terms - in the words that you would usually use. Once you've got the basics down, then you can make it a little flowery or intricate - just remember to make it understandable to the reader - and - not to go overboard with the purple prose.
"It is evocative and urges the use of imagery."
How can it be evocative and 'urge the use of imagery' when nobody knows what's happening?
You ask us if we like your writing style; if we like the tone and if you are a good writer - we give you constructive criticisms and tell you that this is -not- an acceptable way of writing a story, and that if you continue to write like this - in this particular style with this excess of ridiculous words - then you will go nowhere.
We are trying to -help- you, and yet you seem unable to see that, and you are defending the very piece we are constructively criticizing, which leads me to believe that in fact you didn't put this piece up to be constructively criticize, but to either cause an uproar, or to 'boast' on your vocabulary, which again, makes no sense to me in the context it is used.
I'm sorry, but as I've said before, if you want to take a step forward then you're going to have to take a step back by stripping this WAY back to the basics, and building it from there on.
"I do not see how this is constructive" - You seem to have missed everything that I said beforehand, and everything that everyone else has said too. We are trying to help you, and yet you seem far too egoistical to actually accept our help, and instead belittle us.
It's not help you're after - you're after adoration, which you will not get with this kind of attitude.
"Rigidly speaking, I am strong and defensive. Truly speaking, I am fragile and do sink in love."
.... I am speechless. Stupidity has reached new and uncharted levels. You're not even speaking in context of the discussion any more...
- 4 years ago
I am on this short story, it seems like anything i might revel in considering that i'm a sucker for love reviews. Nevertheless, do you might have anything to keep the reader ? Some thing that would smash the couple up and make the reader hope the couple will get again together and then all will believe correct in the world once more. I think you might have received a just right opening, however probably add just a little more detail to the characters and the way they look, what they're about, and clearly who they're. It sounds particularly excellent though, do you may have extra I might learn? I would really like to hear more!
- ClarkieLv 68 years ago
We said you wrote like you vomited up a thesaurus, not that you used one. Seriously, if you act like this, you're going to have few friends and multitudes of enemies. I go to an Ivy League college with a phenomenal writing program, but do you think I talk to people using the full arsenal of words I know? Absolutely not, that would make me look like an A S S, just trying to prove that I was smarter than everyone else by belittling them. People aren't saying they can't make heads or tails of this because they are stupid, it's because YOU don't know how to write clearly. One of my professors told me that you don't truly understand anything unless you can explain it to a five year old child. What's the point of knowing things, or having opinions, if you can't share them because you are too pretentious to even recognize that the quality of your writing is terrible, let alone bring it to an an understandable level. Truly good writers aren't incomprehensible, and can be understood by everyone. And you'll never get anywhere in life if you can't learn to take criticism, accept that you have errored, and work to improve yourself in the future. That's what learning is all about. You might want to think about that.
You are a lost cause and I feel sorry for you, you're going to live such an unhappy life. Also, just so you know, I can keep up with what you're saying, and you still sound like an idiot. It doesn't make sense, and you used many words incorrectly. Constructive criticism in commentary that is intended to help you improve, and in this case, we have all offered that, though you're too blind to see that. Anyone who tells your you're wrong is just "too stupid to understand you" or "simply not grasping on to my level" You can make up all the excuses you want, and it still won't change the fact that in this case, you're wrong. And this is nothing like Shakespeare. Maybe someday someone will be able to get through to you, and then MAYBE you'll be capable enough, and brave enough, to put your ego aside and actually improve. But I doubt it.
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- TacoCatLv 78 years ago
The vomiting of the thesaurus and your excessive usage of commas is driving me batshit crazy.
Sorry, your writing strategy is terrible and no, you are not a good writer.
I have a strong vocabulary too but I don't feel the need to use it excessively. That is what makes a good writer. They have a strong vocabulary but they are smart and skilled enough to know when to use the more advanced words over the smaller, simpler ones. You clearly have not mastered this.
Go ahead and get an ego boost from the criticism. I can assure you a huge ego will get you nowhere.
- 8 years ago
Like Beautiful Nightmare said,you look you had swallowed the dictionary and vomited on your Doc. Who the hell mentions words like "bacchanalian" or whatnot, there's even more. OK the girl rejected for your disabilities. In other words, you're just a wannabe writer. You try too hard. Sorry, but no one would publish this nor would anyone read it.
Avoid purple prosing or just stick to poetry.
- 8 years ago
I would hereafter like to proffer a proclamation which was recurrently made obtainable to you in preceding answers. Owing to your expanded and inflated sense of ego and palpable adulation for preposterously hefty words I can see no alternative but to tell you, in your own linguistic, that I advise you – as Beautiful Nightmare has aptly stated – that you eradicate your cranium from your posterior, get off your high stallion, and learn to heed those who took time to read and give feedback.
- ?Lv 78 years ago
Believe it or not, you don't want readers to notice your writing. They should be caught up and forget that they are actually reading something.
This writing is the equivalent of a hot-rod that is more flashy on the outside and shows off with a lot of chrome and fleck paint. But what's under the hood is all that counts. And I can't see it here.
- NeroLv 48 years ago
You're an obvious troll. Your entire paragraph is nothing but babble; you throw in tons of large words and fail to even use them properly. You can't just spew out a string of adjectives and call it a sentence. I am sorry, but your sentences just don't flow.