Is it wise to keep going with my boyfriend who thinks he is abused by me?
This is quite interesting because I'm the insecure psycho and really keen to know how to fix myself. I really wasn't like this but really don't know why things went so wrong now so I really need some help, too.
First of all, I'm not Chinese but Taiwanese. I have a good job and life here in Taiwan with so many loving friends and family around, and I can always do whatever I love to do, like playing sports, hiking, river tracing or diving after work. For me, there's no reason to move oversea since I'm pretty happy with my life here, no mention moving to Australia. I've really never ever thought of that if he wasn't in Australia. So I really don't understand why I should move to Australia when he can also find a job easily here and we can also have a good life in Taiwan. Anyways, since I love him very much, it's alright to “give up” my good life in Taiwan and move there just because he kept saying he didn't wanna move here. Unfortunately, my family is super close to each other and nice so my parents really wanted me to stay here instead of moving somewhere so far away. I really love them very much so I really didn't wanna hurt their feeling to move there right away. It's really my fault to spend a bit more time on convincing them that I'd be happy there in Australia too and now they are really fine with it after I talked so much good things about him to convince them and he also came visit my parents this year. I'm really sorry for wasting some time on this and I did tell him about this all the time although he never understand how important my family is to me.
My parents are fine with it now so there's no problems to move to Australia since I really don't care where to live, even though I love Taiwan the most and the job I'm having now is my dream job which I can't do in Australia. So what's the problem now? Oh yeah I can't trust him at all now when we are in distance because I'm a insecure psycho. But frankly, everything has a reason no matter what. I've really tried so hard to trust him again but I really can't now. Why? Tell me how to trust someone when he always lies to you, always. He likes to find girls to hang out all the time, one by one, language exchange partner has been his best excuse. He treated some girl super nice, slept with her for months, lied to her and made her fall in love with him so she really hated him at the end but he still tried so hard to contact with her few times when I went to stay in Australia last year for 3 months with him. She never wanna talk to him though because she felt really hurt. After that, we broke up for a while but still couldn't let it go so we got back together again this year, after he promised me that he'd never ever do those things to me again and I chose to trust him again. Unfortunately, I saw some erotic videos he took secretly with some other girls in his laptop, not only his ex girlfriend ( which I saw it long time ago but never really cared about it, and I never said anything like I'll send them to everyone he knows if he doesn't follow the rules, never ever. ) I was so shocked because that was after he swear to god that he really never slept with someone else after last time he promised me, when he came visit my family in Taiwan. It's already so bad that he took those videos secretly but even worse, he slept with some Chinese girl he knew for 2 days in China and took a video of it secretly ( Yeah none of those girls knew he did it except his ex.) before he came to Taiwan.
Please tell me what should I do or say? I really love him very much but I really can't stand that he hurt me over and over, again and again... I really didn't know what to do at all so I told him that we should break up since he was still the same. That's the first time I said to him... “ How could you do this go me AGAIN!! After you promised me, after we got back together again and I really tried so hard to trust you again after last time! Just when I thought my parents were happy about us being together so everything was gonna be alright and we could live in Australia together... you just broke my dream, and my heart...”
He didn't say anything when I said all these to him. He only said he was really bad, was really sorry and I should break up with him because I'd be happier since I'm so happy in Taiwan. ( He was staying in my house with my family for 14 days so he knew how good my life is here.) Few days later, he said he really wanted to be with me and marry me and it's all his fault... blah blah... I knew it's pretty bad to keep going since I really couldn't trust him anymore but I really just love him too much so I really didn't know what to do. I talked with lots friends and looked up so many books or articles on internet, all the time when I'm in the relationship actually...
That's why I made all those rules that he had to call me everyday and like what those article say... “A history of who has been called, texts, and emails is viewable. The problem can ensue, however, as the partner's desire to know what the unfaithful one is doing, coupled with their inherent distrust after an affair, can make them seem paranoid and controlling. It's a fine line that can be crossed. ” which means yeah I have all his passwords. I told him I really couldn't trust him at all after all these, especially when we were in distance so we needed to rebuild up the trust between us by this way until I go live with him and he promised me he'd do all the things about the rules.
So why was I angry still to become an “abusing” girlfriend? (Not because he accidentally say something which sets me off but he never understands why after I explained so many times and he still kept breaking his words...)Because he still has never d
The only reason for me to still keep going is only because I still have a hope that everything is gonna be alright since we are fine most time when we live together. I'm gonna quit my job very soon so I can give up my good life here to go live with him in Australia after that soon. That's why I keep telling hi
I rarely told him to see a counselor but did ask him to talk with more friends about his situation like what I always do and it really makes me think things in different ways and find some ways to fix things. He said he did that all the time as well and also told his friends everything. But just like what he said in the question... did he really tell the truth? About everything? Sorry I really don't think so and maybe that's why he never gets some really objective views about the whole thing. At least that's what our friends told me. They thought I was horrible
So... yeah I really wanna know how I can be a normal girlfriend instead of an insecure psycho in this kind of situation. I'm still keeping finding the answers by talking to my friends or reading books... some of my friends are professional counselors by the way but we just chat instead of really counseling of course. I always tell him that no one can ever make him do anything since he is an adult and can makes his own choices so it's fine to break up with me but just let me know and we can both let it go. I really don't know why he still wanna be abused by such a horrible girlfriend he just described. Yeah such a total idiot, just like me.