How to accept my boyfriend's past as a drug addict and john?

Honestly, I do accept it. The problem is I the person that I love now is NOT compatible with the person he was before we met, someone who didn't value his life at all. I guess there's this eerie feeling I get that if we weren't to work out (we plan on getting married, and I see us not working out as a hypothetical that won't play out), he would go back to that life.

We are so in love, and I know we are meant to be together (it's a feeling, plus we had lots of crossing of paths before we entered each other's lives) and it hurts me to think that this person I love so much was in such a low place that he didn't care that what he was doing could kill him.

I just can't make the past and present compatible. How can I develop a more gracious and complex view of this? Perhaps an elaboration of the "what he did before you, made him who he is and led him to you" wouldn't be terrible.

Update:

@Sharon G I do have borderline personality disorder, so the co-dependency remark was spot on. We met in a mental hospital, so we were closed off from being the people we were outside of it. There weren't drugs at the time I met him, but many other issues that put me in a "helper" position. Thank you so much, that was way more insightful an answer than I expected here. The BPD hijacks our relationship often, but right now I feel rational.

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  • 7 years ago
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    There is a part of you that does NOT accept that he has moved on! There is something in you that was attracted to the person he was---which probably fit a need within you ---(perhaps a helper role or other co-dependent role).

    Before you two move on to a more committed relationship you both need to explore this and get some assistance with it, as if it is not resolved ---you may at a subconscious level undermine his efforts to continually move forward ----then it would fulfill that need in you that attracted you to him in the first place.

    If he has moved forward it is important that you have a clear mind that he truly has moved on and you let the past die --where it belongs...if you do not that subconscious concern/fear that you have could undermine the relationship.

    Rather than thinking this way as you say " it hurts me so much that this person I love so much was in such a low place that he didn't care that what he was doing could kill him. "----look at his strengths and his choice to move forward and change for the good! Focus on the present instead of the past.

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