D B asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 7 years ago

how do you tell the bride to back off and let the MOH/BR plan shower since we are paying for the shower?

Bride is being very bossy and picky as far as what food is served, decoration, and drinks. She is on a tight budget for her wedding but seems to think there is no budget for shower . As far as I am concerned she should not be involved with the actual planning of shower other then date and guest list which seems to grow on a daily basis. PLEASE HELP!

17 Answers

  • Katey
    Lv 7
    7 years ago
    Best Answer

    Tell her "I thank you for your input.. but bridal showers don't typically include the bride during the planning process. Let us plan it for you and you can relax".

  • vallee
    Lv 4
    3 years ago

    Strange, your snapshot doesn't look like a 13yr ancient girl. You are handiest 13. Exactly how many birthday parties have you deliberate for your entire neighbors. Why would an adult ask a 13yr historical little one to be a maid of honor to begin with. Lovable, however no longer realistic. Adequate,my 13yr historic marriage ceremony co-ordinator. You might be inquiring for support here for a simple little misunderstanding between your grownup mother, however you don't need help planning a wedding or a shower. Not a crisis. Make sure that you've ample hot puppies, hamburgers and french fries for every body on the shower and for the period of the reception. See if one of your neighbors, or assistants in case you have any, can carry the paper plates and balloons to the area of your sister's shower. If it can be possible, a pool celebration could be plenty of fun. Sweetie, you might be relying on the adults as you stated proper in the starting of your inquiry. You are going to want grownup cash to pay for the whole lot and adults will have to reserve the reception hall, buy the plant life, the food, and many others and so on. YOU have got to again off and stop being slightly pest and discontinue disrupting plans for one of the foremost days in your sister's lifestyles. For those who keep it up, you're going to damage the whole thing for her.

  • 7 years ago

    Yikes a bridezilla. I guess she needs an etiquette book as a gift . You are correct in that shower planning is not part of what the bride does. All the bride does is give the guest list to the hosts. That is it.

    Perhaps you can find that in some etiquette book like Peggy Posts or somewhere , print it out and show her? Not that you should have to. Sounds like you both need to talk to her together and out number her. Maybe a flash visit to her. Take her off guard and read a printed statement that quotes ettiquette and say that if she does not respect you you will have to renounce your duties as bridesmaid/ MOH. You wouldnt want to stand up for someone that shallow anyway.

    How very rude and inconsiderate she is.

  • 7 years ago

    Tell her that the plan has fallen through and you will be planning something else and then stop talking to her about it. Keep the original plan if you like but do not tell her what you are planning. Tell her it will be a surprise and then plan the event you can afford. The bride should have nothing to say about a shower, heck she does not even have to have one. She should appreciate her friends. Just tell her to back off and let you and the girls do something nice for her.

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  • Dave
    Lv 5
    7 years ago

    Okay so all the women have spoken here's a guy answer.

    Good for you to throw a party it seems no one has decent manners anymore. The maid of honor gives a shower and invites A FEW of the brides closest friends. This is generally the other bridesmaids, the brides immediate family (mom, sisters etc) and MAYBE one or two other close friends. That's it. This is not a second wedding to see how many people (gifts?) you can take advantage of before you marry. ( I can't believe the unmitigated gall of mothers throwing a bridal shower for her daughter.) In this case it is a bride who is either just as clueless or worse.

    I agree tell her to her face (get one of the other bridesmaids to stand by you and back you up) and let her know that this is your party, your guests, and she is just the guest of honor. SO she needs to show up and shut up!!

  • BBG
    Lv 7
    7 years ago

    You are correct. Hosting the shower is VOLUNTARY and she should consider it a GIFT. That means she smiles and says thank you and keeps her yap shut unless you ask for her opinion.

    That being said, since she's a bit of a bridezilla, you are going to have to weigh how important her friendship is with how important it is for you to "make your point."

    I think you need to try to separate what is emotionally pissing you off (her attitude) from what is truly a hardship for you (either the monetary or time investment or some of each).

    So once you've identified what you really can't handle money or time-wise, just sit her down and say, "You know I love you. I want this to be a very special celebration for you. I am doing everything I can to make that happen. However, I do not have an unlimited budget and I need to manage my own stress level as well. I hope you understand that I can do blah blah, but doing blah blah is just too much for me. Please don't interpret this as an indication that you are not important to me."

    Don't respond to her when you're pissed off or stressed or feeling overwhelmed. Remember, self-care doesn't make you self-ish. It keeps you SANE so that you can be a good friend and handle these things graciously.

    So if you need to take a couple days for yourself or turn off the phone so you can have a three hour bath, that is all good. Refresh yourself so you can have a heart-to-heart with bridezilla in hopes that each of you will get SOME of your needs met and that you will still be friends AFTER the wedding. :-)

    Good luck!

    P.S. Try to understand that brides don't seem to "get" that even though it's THEIR most important day, it's not YOUR most important day. Our culture conditions young women to be really STOOPID about getting married.

  • 7 years ago

    When she says anything, placate her with something like "We'll look into it." "We'll put it on the list". Let her think you're listening and taking her seriously. Then just plan what works for you. As far as the guest list, tell her "we can't add to the guest list." Remind her too, that she has a budget for her wedding and you have a budget for the shower. I might go so far as to tell her that if she doesn't let you do things your way, you will have to cancel the shower. If you know her mother, maybe she can help to put the brakes on her daughter.

  • 7 years ago

    I hate to say it, but if she's being a brat, whoever is hosting this is allowing herself to get trampled. Give the bride the guest limit and tell her all you need is contact info. If she starts asking for other things, tell her it's not possible and she's being rude. Then stop talking to her about it.

    It sounds like all of this is overdue.

  • 7 years ago

    Here's the thing ... you need to remember that the shower is a GIFT to her. And it's not a mandatory gift, either. It's something you're choosing to throw for her. She's not entitled to receive a shower, you're not obligated to throw one for her, and she's being incredibly rude to dictate what kind of gift you should be giving her.

    Furthermore, you have every right to say NO to her once in a while. She doesn't get to have everything she wants just because she's the bride. You're not a bad bridesmaid, a bad friend, or a biittchy person if you put your foot down when she gets ridiculous.

    So here's how you handle it:

    If she starts telling you that she wants a specific restaurant, pricey decorations, etc., just laugh and say, "Bride, relax! We've got something very lovely planned for you, so don't worry about it. You'll love it!" Then change the topic or just end the conversation by hanging up the phone or walking away. If she keeps making more demands, then completely ignore her.

    If she hands you a 100-person guest list when you only budgeted for 40 people, then say, "Bride, we can't accommodate 100 people. I need you to cut this list down to absolutely no more than 40 people. Get it to me one week from today so that I can send out invitations." If she complains that she wants more than 40 or that she simply can't cut it down to 40, then you should sweetly reply, "There's no way that we can host more than 40 people. It just isn't going to happen. If you don't want to cut the list yourself, then I can either pick 40 people myself, or we can just cancel the shower all together. It's your decision. Either way, I need to know exactly one week from today, or else we won't have time to get everything together." Again, change the topic or walk away after that.

    The key here is to not give her any input. Because, frankly, she shouldn't have any. This is a party being thrown in her honor, and you are 100% correct when you say that her only input should be the date and a guest list within your means. It's incredibly rude for her to tell you what kind of party to throw for her, and it's breaking all kinds of social and wedding etiquette.

    Don't let her tell you what's going to happen. YOU need to tell HER what's going to happen. The only choices she should have are to (a) do it YOUR way, or (b) not get a shower at all. Just tell her what's going to happen, and then tell her that she can either accept the lovely shower that you have planned for her, or she can decline the shower entirely and she can get NOTHING. Dollars to doughnuts says that she'll shut up and leave you alone, if the alternative is that she gets nothing. She sounds like a spoiled brat, but you are not obligated to put up with her greedy attitude just because her parents did a crappy job raising her.

    If she continues her whining and moaning that the shower isn't good enough for her, or that you need to do it her way, you need to interrupt her, look her in the eyes, and say politely but firmly, "Bride, listen to me. The other bridesmaids and I are your friends, and we are trying to plan something really nice for you. You need to realize that there are limits to our time and our budgets, and you can't possibly get everything that you want. And, frankly, it's hurting our feelings that you keep making demands of us, because it implies that we aren't capable of throwing a nice shower for you. So you need to either trust us to do this right, or you need to decline this shower if you feel like it will never be up to your standards. It's your choice." And then walk away.

    If you can't talk to her in person about this, then do it over the phone. DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT email her, text her, or do this over Facebook. It MUST be in your own voice. The written word can get misconstrued (and forwarded to lots of people, and maybe even changed without your consent). You need to buck up, be an adult, and TALK to her. If she's truly your friend, then you should be able to talk to each other.

    Hopefully she will come to her senses and apologize for her crappy behavior, or at least shut her mouth and enjoy the shower you're planning for her. If she throws a fit at this, or stops speaking to you/kicks you out of her wedding, then she's a terrible person and you're much better off without a "friend" like this.

  • 7 years ago

    Tell her basically what you told us. "Our budget for your shower is $X. That means if you want dinner and games, etc. we can basically have X number of people. So, we'll have to cut you off with adding people at this point and go with what we have. But I promise -- it will be a blast. Leave it to us." Then repeat as necessary. Tell her you've got it and she can just relax and be the guest of honor -- you don't need any more of her input.

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