Marriage advice needed... why does my husband always hide in his "man cave"?

Let me give a little background information. We have 1 kid (2 years old) and I'm 8 months pregnant with our 2nd. I stay at home and he works anywhere between 30-35 hours a week usually, sometimes a bit more or less. If he has to be at work at 1, he will usually come out of his man cave around noon to shower and get ready maybe spend a few minutes with our kid and myself, then leaves. Our daughter goes to bed before he gets home from work so that would be the only time he sees her. Today he didn't work until 5pm and maybe spent 10 minutes with her (woke up at noon, ate lunch, back in the man cave until 4:15...). He never works past 10 at night so it's not like he works super late into the night either, no reason he can't get up earlier. He is always watching tv or on the internet in there, and if I want to talk to him, I just have to go in there and then he usually seems annoyed. Our daughter bangs on the door with toys, and I let her in to play with him, but after 5 minutes he will tell her to go give the toy to mommy or throw it across the hallway so she goes out to get it, then closes the door. It makes me very sad. I don't know how to solve this problem. I feel like he is more of a room mate than a husband. He even sleeps in there, but that is kinda my fault because I kicked him out of bed since he snores like a bear and wakes me up constantly, being pregnant that is hard to deal with. And he is a very large person so he takes up most of the space in our bed so I can't get comfy. What can I do to help him come out of his cave???

11 Answers

  • Anonymous
    7 years ago
    Best Answer

    That is sad, he will really regret not spending time with his daughter one day, and it will affect her as well. I would suggest talking to him and asking why he doesn't want to spend time with the family. If trying to talk it out does not work, then see a marriage & family therapist. Also, after the pregnancy is over with, invite him back into the bedroom. Not sleeping in the same bed or intimate definitely will make you feel like roommates!

  • 7 years ago

    Sometimes we as women just don't know what we want. Please go and give your husband a hug and kiss him. Every man generally has a "man cave". Its a part of the home, whether is the garage, outside on the porch, or even a small secluded place in the back yard with a shed. Men need to gather themselves from thime to time. Its the DNA of what makes them who and what they are... Men are territorial as in the wild too. I digress. He feels isolated, disconnected, and not a part of the family. Often more than none, men are really very sensitive beings, but they understand if any weakness is displayed, we can/will eat them alive. (As in the wild too). I understand your plight, as my husband has a man cave and over a period of months when I noticed a disconnection we spoke about the "Man Cave" and he said the time alone allowed him to a bit of solace to watch the games and just chill in his element. There were no rules in his man cave, and he knew that was a place whereby he would not be distracted by: The vacuum, move your feet, don't sit there, I need the space, and those types of things that we don't see as a issue. While I cannot apologize for my candor, I must say that the last paragraph you wrote in your story speaks volumes: "I feel like he is more of a room mate than a husband. He even sleeps in there, but that is kinda my fault because I kicked him out of bed since he snores like a bear and wakes me up constantly, being pregnant that is hard to deal with. And he is a very large person so he takes up most of the space in our bed so I can't get comfy". THAT PARAGRAPH WAS NOT VERY KIND". Marriage is difficult enough, but when you add the ingredients of disdain, it reaps havoc on the precious ones too. Try to work with him by spending time with him in the man cave. GO SLOWLY. He is large and the majority of the issue of the snoring is possibly the root cause for other concerns. Please find a medium, I mean that is one of the elements of marriage. (COMPROMISE), but not to make him feel so disconnected. TRUST ME: Some one is out there waiting to take him out of the man cave and all she may see that he needs is a RECONNECTION! I believe you will do fine.


  • 7 years ago

    Tell him you miss him and ask him to come back to the bed you should be sharing. He may have found some internet relationship or something. That's a sad place to be, feeling like a room mate. It's never too late to fix a marriage problem. Talk to him, tell him how you feel and see if you can find a resolution.

  • June
    Lv 6
    7 years ago

    Have you ever thought of telling him how your feeling. It sounds to me that your letting him do what he likes without complaining. Sit the fat boy down and tell him that your sick to death of being ignored and he is not to go in his man cave until he has spent time with his family. If he doesnt like what you say ,then i suggest leaving. Because as time goes by your going to be very lonely and hes going to be fatter than he is now..

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  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

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  • 7 years ago

    That is not right. You really need to talk to him and work it out. It is sad that he locks himself away from the family. I don't want to hurt you, but I think he is up to something fishy. I could be wrong.. Maybe he just is stressed and checked out. Maybe you two need to go to couples therapy and work one some things. I really hope it works out.

    Source(s): Me
  • 7 years ago

    My husband was doing the same thing. It turned out that he was talking to someone online. Not saying that is what your's is doing but I'd take a look at his p.c. see what he is up to. It's not normal for him to be irritated by your prescence.

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  • 7 years ago

    Tell him what you want and expect from him. Make him understand that you need attention and so does your daughter. Let him know that you understand that he needs time for himself sometimes but he is being selfish when he refuses to spend time with his family.

  • he loves you both but never shows it.

    He feels that your view about how life should be spent is different from try to be like him If it has bad effect he will also get to know otherwise it will come to your routine.....

  • Erika
    Lv 4
    7 years ago

    check that computer when hes not around, it sounds fishy for someone to be that long

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